| THE average man is about as good a judge
of women as a woman is of race horses; he
picks the favorites by their shape and
color.
LOVE is like gambling; you want to be
sure that you are a good loser before you
go in for the game.
A MAN'S idea of honor is so peculiar; he
would die rather than steal a friend's
money or cheat him at cards, but he will
steal his wife or cheat him out of his
daughter with perfect equanimity.
WHEN you see what some girls marry,
you realize how they must hate to work
for a living.
FLIRTATION is like a cocktail with no
headache in it, champagne with no "next
morning."
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| ALL men are the same after ten years of
matrimony; they all smell of cloves and
tobacco, talk in monosyllables, and tell the
same stories when they come home late.
A RECKLESS lover and an automobile
scorcher may run all the risks—but they
have all the excitement.
OF course, bigamy is very reprehensible;
but the man who marries two women deserves
a little credit for trying to make up
to the sex for the selfishness of the old
bachelor who won't marry even one.
IN a domestic quarrel, it is not the one who
can hold out, but the one who can hold in,
who usually wins.
THE boy who has been brought up to button
his sister's frocks down the back cherishes
no illusions about women.
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| A MAN is never content with a fortune of
less than six figures; but a woman is
satisfied with one figure—if it has the
proper curves.
IT'S a wise woman that knows how little she
knows about her husband.
ONE advantage of a bull-dog over a baby is
that you are not haunted by the fear that
he will grow up to be just like his father.
THE way to a man's heart is a zig-zag road,
leading through his stomach twice around
his vanity, across his discretion and
straight over his determination not to
marry.
FAILING to be "there" when a man wants
her, is the greatest sin a woman can commit—except
being there when doesn't want her.
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| THE best men always seem to get the worst
wives and vice versa; that's Nature's little
way of spreading the virtues and the vices
around equally, like the jam and the butter
on the bread.
A MAN'S idea of being "master" in his own
house is asserting his right to put his
muddy feet on the best divan and his pipe
ashes on the parlor mantelpiece.
A WOMAN may scoff at her husband's
religion, insult his friends, absorb his income
and pry into his secrets, and still retain
his love, if she regards his pipe and his
razor as sacred.
YOU can always find somebody to share
your money and your pleasures with; but
you've got to have somebody tied to you
to share your sorrows and troubles with;
that's the excuse for matrimony.
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| A MARRIAGE of convenience is the safety-pin
with which a woman fastens on her
self-respect when the hooks of love are
broken.
THERE never was a man so small that he
couldn't call his two-hundred pound wife
"little one" with a perfectly serious face.
GOD made the first man; but He must have
seen His mistake, for the Scriptures say
nothing of His having had anything to do
with the rest of them.
A MAN'S idea of a thrifty wife is one who
can make lobster salad out of left-over
veal and a new hat out of an old fruit
basket.
LOVE is the spur, matrimony the whip that
drive a man to hard work and successful
accomplishment.
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