| A MARRIED woman is always impressionable,
because she has become so used to
a total abstinence from flattery that a compliment
from a man goes to her head like
wine to the head of the teetotaler.
REFINEMENT is what makes a man turn
on his heel and go off to the club instead
of staying at home and having a good, old-fashioned
row with his wife.
THE man who keeps his sentiment bottled
up and his money lying in the bank is so
narrow that he wouldn't take a broad view
of anything, even if he saw it on a bargain
counter at half price.
THE biggest, boldest man that ever lived is
built like a barge, and any little woman
who puffs up steam enough can attach
him to her and tow him all the way up the
river of life.
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A MAN is always able to restrain his jealousy as long as his wife wears untrimmed cotton flannel lingerie. TAKE a spoonful of violet perfume, a pound or so of lace, a dash of music, and serve under a summer moon—and almost any man will call it "love." A WIFE always feels perfectly safe in going driving with her husband, because she knows by sad experience that he will devote both hands and all his attention to the horses. A MAN whom wild horses cannot drag from the path of duty will sometimes get so tangled up in a pink ribbon that he will trip and fall right out of it. KISSES are love's assets, quarrels its liabilities. |
| BEAUTIES of the soul may be very fascinating,
but somehow they aren't the
kind a man looks for when he invites a girl
out to dinner or for a spin in his automobile.
AN OLD maid is an unmarried woman who
has more wrinkles than money. There is
nothing like a halo of gold dollars to keep
a woman attractive to a green old age.
THE things for which there is "the devil to
pay," are the only sort which most men
seem to consider really worth the price.
AS a soul-companion, the main difference
between a bulldog and a husband is that
the dog can't talk—and the husband won't.
A MAN loves a woman first tenderly, then
madly, then dearly, then comfortably,
and last dutifully.
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SOME men are born for marriage, some achieve marriage; but all of them live in the deadly fear that marriage is going to be thrust upon them. DISTANCE lends enchantment; but too much distance between husband and wife is sure to end by one or the other of them finding another "enchantment." IN THE mathematics of matrimony two plus a baby equals a family; two plus a mother-in-law equals a mob; and two plus an affinity equals—a divorce. IT IS something of a shock to the sweet girl graduate who has spent her youth in digging up the Latin roots, studying the Greek forms and acquiring a working knowledge of French, German and Hebrew, to discover that the only language her lover really appreciates is baby talk. |
| WHEN a man tells his wife that he is
"sorry" about anything he has done he
doesn't mean that he's sorry he did it, but
that he's sorry she found it out.
FLIRTATION is like a pink tea, harmless
but not exciting; love is like a dinner with
seven kinds of wine, satisfying and exhilarating
but apt to leave you with an uncomfortable
feeling that you ought to have
stayed away from it.
A MAN'S wife is something like his teeth,
in that he seems to be aware of her presence
only when it becomes annoying or
painful.
ONE advantage in being a married man is
that you are not haunted by the harrowing
suspicion that every pretty single woman
you meet may have matrimonial designs
upon you.
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