| THAT sad, patient smile one sees on the
face of a married woman may not come so
much from heart-hunger as from a daily
effort to listen to her husband's latest joke
at the same time that she pacifies the cook,
soothes the baby and looks for his lost collar
button.
HOPE springs eternal in the feminine
breast as long as a woman has ambition
enough to continue to curl her hair, and
in the masculine breast as long as a man
has self-respect enough to keep on shaving
his chin.
THE things a man wants in a sweetheart
are no more like those he wants in a wife
than the things he wants for breakfast are
like those he wants for dinner; yet he
never seems to despair of warming over
the light menu and making it do for a
regular diet.
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WHY is a woman always so jealous of her husband's stenographer when his real affinity is just as likely to be somebody else's stenographer? IT IS not a man's morals but the manners that make him comfortable or otherwise to live with. A burglar or an embezzler can make his wife fairly happy if he will be prompt to dinner, agreeable at breakfast and will put up the portieres with a pleasant smile. NOTHING makes a woman so green with envy and mortification as her husband's ability to turn over and snore five minutes after they have had an exciting quarrel. OLD love, like old lamps, is apt to burn low and fitfully; it takes a new heart interest now and then to keep up the glow of life. |
| THE balance of power in the family usually
goes to the husband or wife who has the
largest balance in the bank.
AMONG a man's sweethearts the first shall
never be last, and the last can always be
sure that she isn't the first.
THE larger a man's girth the more expensive
his flirtations; nothing but orchids
and grand opera tickets can make a girl
forget real embonpoint long enough to be
sentimental.
MEN don't talk about one another as
women do—perhaps because they find
it so much more interesting to talk about
themselves.
A FRANK husband and a kodak fiend teach
a woman that truth is indeed stranger and
more terrible than fiction.
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| ONE touch of highball makes the whole
world spin.
A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that
it gets out of working condition the minute
he comes near a pretty woman.
THE man who kisses a woman at the first
opportunity is either a fool or a cad; the
man who waits for the second opportunity
is a philosopher; the man who waits for
the third opportunity is a speculator; and
the man who waits any longer is—a freak.
THE girl who has entertained her fiancé
every evening for a three years' engagement
may console herself with the hope
that she won't be liable to see so much of
him after marriage.
'TIS best for a man to be square, but a
woman is more lucky to be round.
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| WHEN a man has waked up the whole
family and half the neighborhood flinging
empty beer bottles at a cat on the back
fence he feels so refreshed that he can go
right back to sleep and snore straight
through a fire or a thunderstorm.
IN the face of a man's childlike vanity it is so
difficult for a girl to decide to be ready
when he arrives and thereby look as
though she had been waiting for him, or
to keep him waiting and look as though
she had been primping for him.
A MAN will tell his troubles first to his God,
next to his lawyer, then to his valet, and
lastly—to his wife.
A LITTLE "absent treatment" now and
then is the best tonic for conjugal love;
an ounce of summer vacation is worth a
pound of divorce.
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