| SOME men are so material that a beautiful
sunset would remind them of nothing but
Neapolitan ice cream, and a flock of sheep
on a green hillside would suggest nothing
more inspiring than lamb with mint sauce.
IN ancient times one drink of Lethe water
made a man lose his memory and forget
even his name. Oh, well, one drink will
do that nowadays—but it isn't Lethe and
it isn't water.
"JOY cometh in the morning"—but more
often to the widow in second mourning.
EVERYBODY has adopted modern improvements
and new methods nowadays
except the stork, and he goes right along
carrying on business in the same old way.
No wonder he has lost so much of his
fashionable trade to the up-to-date dog
fancier.
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| A PRETTY girl in a peek-a-boo waist and a
Merry Widow hat on her way downtown
can sometimes create more excitement in
the business district than a Wall Street
panic or a fire.
BEFORE marriage it fills a man with tenderness
to have a girl slip her hand confidingly
into his coat pocket; but after
marriage somehow it fills him only with
distrust.
IT is one of the mockeries of matrimony that
the moment two people begin to be awfully
courteous to one another round the house
it is a sign they are awfully mad.
A MAN'S idea of being perfectly noble and
honest with a woman is to be able to
make her think he loves her without indulging
in any incriminating statements
to that effect.
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| MOST women appear to think that "'tis
better to have been loved and bossed"
than never to have been married at all.
DISAGREEABLE habits, like disagreeable
husbands and wives, are so much
easier to acquire than the other kind and
so much harder to get rid of.
A WIFE'S indignation at the women who
flirt with her husband is often tempered
by her pity and astonishment that they
should be so hard up as to waste time on
a man like him.
THE average husband has an idea that
economy should begin at home—and end
at the corner café.
MANY a wife would be glad to exchange
places with her cook on that lady's salary
days and her evenings off.
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| A MAN'S idea of showing real consideration
for his wife is to make sure that she
won't find out what he is doing before he
does anything that she would disapprove
of.
THE first child makes a man proud, the
second makes him happy, the third makes
him hustle, and the fourth makes him
desperate.
WHEN a man declares that making love
to a particular woman "wouldn't be
right," he really means that it wouldn't be
safe; but he is too polite to say that.
IN tragic moments we think of trifles; no
doubt a girl who is being run down by an
automobile stops to thank heaven that
there are no holes in her stockings and a
man that there are no incriminating letters
in his pockets.
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| A MONTH of poker parties and summer
girls can make a married man as anxious
to get his wife back home again as a diet
of champagne and ice cream would make
him for a square meal of roast beef and
baked potatoes.
BETWEEN lovers a little confession is a
dangerous thing.
CALL a woman weak-minded and a man
will wonder if you aren't jealous of her;
but call her strong-minded and he will
take your word without stopping to investigate.
THE wife who insists on being useful instead
of concentrating on being beautiful
and amusing will soon find herself relegated
to the shelf like a medicine bottle,
instead of being kept near at hand like a
wine bottle.
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