When she “turneth” her ankle upon the golf links, I charge thee do not bear her in thine arms to safety; but, for thy soul’s sake, flee in search of a doctor, ’ere she turneth thine head also.
When she putteth perfume upon thy locks, oh beware of her! For she doeth this that she may mark thee for her own; and, until it be washed away, thou shalt be covered with shame in the eyes of the world.
But, when she coaxeth thee to be adorned, when she seeketh to manicure thy nails; when she patteth thy fingers and yearneth to bathe them with sweet ointments; when she weareth a cute apron and sitteth more near, I charge thee, clasp thine hands behind thee, crying:
“Nay! Thou mayest hold them, but thou shalt not manicure them!”
For by this strategy fell the Benedicts.
Go to, my Son! Ask me not how I have learned of Woman, concerning all her poses.
For lo, I am a woman, and I have tried them.
CHAPTER FOUR
The secret musings of thy Father Solomon, found in his diary, concealed in the pocket of his smoking jacket and privily copied by thy Mother.