The Real Diary of a Real Boy

by Henry A. Shute

Mar. 6. School closed today and we voted for prises. Mr. Gordon give 4 prizes for the 2 best fellers and 2 best girls for the term. So we voted for them. Most of the fellers wanted to vote for Jenny Morrison because she was the prettiest girl there and can go the greeshun bend better than enny girl in the school. and most of the girls dident like Jenny Morrison and wanted to vote for Dora Moses and Mary Luverin, and the girls wanted to vote for Lees Moses because he was polite to them and rather go with the girls than the boys and we holler at him, but he can fite for i saw him lick Gim Erly one day, and Gim Erly can rassle better than enny one but Jack Melvil. well most of the fellows wanted to vote for Tady Finton or Pop Clark or Skinny Bruce because they never get mad or cry when they are licked and make lots of fun, but we knew they coodent get the prize for they are all the time raising time and getting licked and so we voted for Honey Donovan and Moses Gordon, and when the votes was counted Dora Moses and Mary Luvering got the prizes for the girls and Mose Gordon and Nigger Bell for the boys. That was all write about Dora Moses and Mary Luverin because they was the best girls and always went together, but we dident like it very well about Mose and Nigger, only we thought that so long as Mose's father give the prizes Mose ought to have one. i gess most of the girls must have voted for Nig, because they was mad with Lees Moses. i know what they was mad at too.

Then the first class give old Francis a present of some books and when he turned over the leaves there was twenty dollars there, and old Francis was surprised and made a fine speech, and the people all clapped becaus he made such a good speech. i heard him saying it over the night before when i was kept after school. No school for 2 weeks.

Mar. 7. When my father was a boy he was the best fiter in this town.

Mar. 9. Went down to Fatty Melchers today to make a violin, we cut a piece of wood the shape of a violin then take some horsehairs and strech them over a brige and you can play a tune on them. in school i learnt to play on a piece of india rubber. you pull a piece of elastic out of your congres boot and hold it in your teeth and pull it tite and snap it with your fingers and you can play tunes that you can hear but no one else can. old Francis saw me snapping the elastic and came and took it away. i have got plenty more in my boot. i am saving money to buy me a cornet. when i get enuf i am a going to play in the band. +++

Mar. 10. plesent day. old Si Smiths big white dog and a bull dog had an awful fite today. neether licked and they had to squert water on them to seperate them. they dident make no noise, only jest hung write on to each others gozzles. my aunt Sarah said it was dredful, and she staid to the window to see how dredful it was.

Mar. 11, 186- Went to church in the morning. the fernace was all write. Mister Lennard preeched about loving our ennymies, and told every one if he had any angry feelings toward ennyone to go to him and shake hands and see how much better you wood feel. i know how it is becaus when me and Beany are mad we dont have eny fun and when we make up the one who is to blam always wants to treet. why when Beany was mad with me becaus i went home from Gil Steels surprise party with Lizzie Towle, Ed Towles sister, he woodent speak to me for 2 days, and when we made up he treated me to ice cream with 2 spoons and he let me dip twice to his once. he took pretty big dips to make up. Beany is mad if enny of the fellers go with Lizzie Towle. she likes Beany better than she does enny of the fellers and Beany ought to be satisfied, but sometimes he acks mad when i go down there to fite roosters with Ed. i gess he needent worry much, no feller isnt going to leave of fiting roosters to go with no girls. well i most forgot what i was going to say, but after church i went up to Micky Gould who was going to fite me behind the school house, and said Micky lets be friends and Micky said. huh old Skinny, i can lick you in 2 minits and i said you aint man enuf and he called me a nockneed puke, and i called him a wall eyed lummix and he give me a paist in the eye and i gave him a good one in the mouth, and then we rassled and Micky threw me and i turned him, and he got hold of my new false bosom and i got hold of his hair, and the fellers all hollered hit him Micky, paist him Skinny, and Mister Purington, Pewts father pulled us apart and i had Mickys paper collar and necktie and some of his hair and he had my false bosom and when i got home father made me go to bed and stay there all the afternoon for fiting, but i gess he dident like my losing my false bosom. ennyway he asked me how many times i hit Micky and which licked. he let me get up at supper time. next time i try to love my ennymy i am a going to lick him first.

Went to a Sunday school concert in the evening. Keene and Cele sung now i lay me down to sleep. they was a lot of people sung together and Mister Gale beat time. Charlie Gerish played the violin and Miss Packerd sung. i was scart when Keene and Cele sung for i was afraid they would break down, but they dident, and people said they sung like night horks. i gess if they knowed how night horks sung they woodent say much. father felt pretty big and to hear him talk you wood think he did the singing. he give them ten cents apeace. i dident get none. you gest wait, old man till i get my cornet.

Went to a corcus last night. me and Beany were in the hall in the afternoon helping Bob Carter sprinkle the floor and put on the sordust. the floor was all shiny with wax and aufully slipery. so Bob got us to put on some water to take off the shiny wax. well write in front of the platform there is a low platform where they get up to put in their votes and then step down and Beany said, dont put any water there only jest dry sordust. so i dident. well that night we went erly to see the fun. Gim Luverin got up and said there was one man which was the oldest voter in town and he ought to vote the first, the name of this destinkuished sitizen was John Quincy Ann Pollard. then old mister Pollard got up and put in his vote and when he stepped down his heels flew up and he went down whak on the back of his head and 2 men lifted him up and lugged him to a seat, and then Ed Derborn, him that rings the town bell, stepped up pretty lively and went flat and swore terrible, and me and Beany nearly died we laffed so. well it kept on, people dident know what made them fall, and Gim Odlin sat write down in his new umbrella and then they sent me down stairs for a pail of wet sordust and when i was coming up i heard an auful whang, and when i got up in the hall they were lugging old mister Stickney off to die and they put water on his head and lugged him home in a hack. they say Bob Carter will lose his place. me and Beany dont know what to do. if we dont tell, Bob will lose his place and if we do we will get licked.

Mar. 12. Mister Stickney is all write today. gosh you bet me and Beany are glad.

Mar. 13, 186- brite and fair. Mr. Gravel has bought old Heads carrige shop. he is a dandy and wears shiny riding boots and a stove pipe hat and a velvet coat and goes with Dan Ranlet and George Perkins and Johny Gibson and the other dandies. i went down today and watched Fatty Walker stripe some wheels.