He told the jury that he had got somethin' to say now—he was the judge of the court, and the jury must pay special attention to what he had to offer. 'Torneys were paid for their talk, and the jury could believe 'em jest so far as they were a mind-ter and no furder—the law come from him—if he made a mistake in the law, it was none of the jury's business, that would be straightened out somewhere else, by somebody else. He would proceed now. The action was trespass.
"Not by a long shot!" said Turtle, rising.
"Or," continued the judge, "a-kinder trespass—it was one woman a-tryin' to carry away another woman's character. Now, gentlemen, there has been a great deal of evidence in this case, and it don't all 'mount to much nuther—"
"'Cept to that part of the charge!" exclaimed Ike. "'Don't 'mount to much nuther."
"That is," continued the judge, "there ain't much on't to the p'int—and when evidence ain't to the p'int, the court will knock it outer the case, if a row of 'ceptions is filed as long as the moral law. Now take the impeaching testimony—what does that all amount to?—why just this:—Filkins' witnesses don't believe Beadle's witnesses, and so they swear—Beadle's witnesses don't believe Filkins' witnesses, and so they swear—and so the witnesses on one side are just as good as the witnesses on t'other side, and you must believe them all, just as fur, gentlemen of the jury, as if none of 'em had been impeached; and the court tells you so. Any objection to that, Mr. Turtle?"
Turtle said nothing.
"No objection to that, then. Now, then, gentlemen, the defendant below set off slanderous words agin slanderous words she had used agin the plaintiff, and I let it in agin here, and Mr. Turtle objected. Gentlemen of the jury, Mr. Turtle would object, of course—he is 'torney for plaintiff, but I tell you the set-off is law, and I agree with Squire Longbow, who let it in. It was right."
Squire Longbow drew his handkerchief and blew a heavy blast out of his nose at this compliment.
"Now, then, gentlemen, slander is slander—you all know what slander is—as I said before, it is slander—it ain't refusing to pay one's debts—it ain't 'zactly takin' one's property—though character is a kinder property—it ain't stealin'—but—but—it is slander—if you lie 'bout me, 'tis slander—if I lie 'bout you, 'tis slander—if anybody lies 'bout anybody, 'tis slander—it don't matter what anybody says 'bout anybody, if 'tis a lie, 'tis slander. You can now see, gentlemen of the jury, what slander is—how the law looks at slander—how it is laid down in the books. This action is for slander—and if I should examine all the books, and go inter the hull subject fully, you would not know any more 'bout slander, gentlemen, than you know 'bout slander now. Any objection to that, Mr. Turtle?"
No objection was raised.