CHAPTER VI.
Marriage.
The Husband.
“And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. * * * * And Jehovah God brought the woman unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”—Gen. ii. 18, 22–24.
“The marriage of one man with one woman is therefore designed in our very creation by Him who made us. The love which brings them together and binds them together, flows into their minds from the Divine Love, from the love which has operated hitherto, and which now operates, in creating and forming a Heaven of human beings.”
All young men, on arriving at the age of twenty-five, other circumstances being favorable, should conform to the laws of Divine order and marry. “Whom shall we marry? Young ladies now-a-days require such an outfit and it costs so much to support a wife in the style she wishes to live, or has been accustomed to, that, to say nothing of the extra expense of children, we cannot afford to marry.” This is a wrong view to take, because pomp, style and show are not the true objects of marriage! The married state is a duty and a great privilege, while its uses are of the highest possible order physically, mentally and spiritually. The love which brings the two together and which should bind them together, requires only a comfortable home of respectable appearance. Young married people should begin like young married people; it is more orderly and more conducive to the welfare and true happiness of each that, as time passes on, they build up their fortunes together, each helping the other—thus affording new charms that no other course will or can yield.
In the choice of a wife, a man should especially seek congeniality. He should make the acquaintance of a young lady living and moving in the same sphere of life as his own, such as is congenial to his tastes; he should see her in company with other young people and observe how she treats them; and particularly notice how she acts towards her father and mother, brothers and sisters: for a good daughter and sister always makes a good wife. Study closely her character, her mental discipline, her tastes in reading and her mode of life generally. Above all, note her disposition as to selfishness, whether she be determined and bent upon having her own way in everything, or whether she is yielding and thoughtful of the comfort and happiness of her associates. Remember that in the married state there must be a mutual yielding to each other, though not the sinking of the wife's identity, so that the combined life of the two may become one harmonious whole. Observe what she thinks of children and get her opinion as to how they should be brought up and educated. Be sure that she is one who can be loved most tenderly, one for whom a man can make any sacrifice in reason for her sake—for whom one can deny himself any comfort, any and every passion, brave any danger, and conquer every difficulty in his power, to make her life happy and useful. One quality: Is she strictly virtuous? Is she chastity itself in thought, word and deed? If you, young man, have been the same, if you have held yourself in by “bit and bridle,” as it were,—then, if she reciprocates your love, you are at liberty to propose marriage to her.
Before marriage, a young man takes great pains to make himself attractive, is very attentive and polite, keeps up a genteel appearance and is civility itself, that he may woo and win the young lady most nearly approaching his ideal of feminine perfection, and the one most nearly suited to his tastes and congeniality. After marriage he feels that she is his, that she has pledged herself to this effect; and the law has so decided; she is his, as he is hers, irrevocably. Now, young man, do you mean to be loyal, to be her real husband until death dissolves the allegiance? Then let nothing cool your ardor. Be as watchful as when you were her wooer and even more so. Let nothing induce you to swerve from your duty, to violate your vow or to betray your trust. But ever be faithful and true. So may you be accounted worthy of her choice as a husband and worthy to be enrolled among the respected and honored fathers in our land. Heavier responsibilities rest upon you now than before marriage. Your wife must be protected, supported and cared for in every possible way, and you need to be even more careful to retain her love than you were to win it. You are under heavy responsibilities to your relatives and the community in which you live, that your united lives bear such fruit as will be to all a delight. Together, in your unity, you form as it were a tree; your united lives throw out branches and leaves, buds and blossoms, and finally fruit in its season; and every tree is known by its fruit. Bearing in mind the high duties to which as a husband and a father you are called, seek not to live for carnal pleasures. You have struggled manfully with yourself and the world and have come up to this stage of your life pure and uncontaminated; and that love which brought you two together, now flows into your united lives from the Divine Love. Let that love continually operate through you unitedly in creating new human beings who shall ultimately serve to swell the grand army of the Angelic hosts in Heaven.
Some well-meaning and otherwise apparently good husbands, but not true, form habits of staying from their homes during their leisure hours, particularly in the evenings. They visit club houses, billiard rooms or other places of amusement, leaving their wives at home. Such absences distress a wife greatly, though her love often restrains any expression of disapproval. These habits increase, she suffers more and more, loses sleep on his account and her health fails. The husband's dissipations grow upon him—all such desertions are dissipations when they become habitual—until he loses all relish for the company of his faithful wife and for the caresses of his young and lovely children, until finally to stay at home a single evening is a restraint and unhappiness to him. Where now is the plighted faith! Where now is the tree, its branches and leaves with their buds and blossoms, and what is the fruit? Where now is that pure love which he promised when they became united and which should forever bind them together, and who has almost severed that love? Has not the little that remains become merely carnal, on his part at least? Where is that union of mind and communion of soul that lifts one above sensualism; and without which, sensualism is the only link and quality left to keep the two together, until death dissolves the union?
CHAPTER VII.
Marriage [continued].
The Wife.
Young ladies, why do you marry? Through infancy, childhood and adolescence you have been watched over most tenderly and cared for most lovingly; you have been protected and educated, and have been made as happy under the paternal roof as circumstances would allow; and this very book has been written largely on your account. It has been the custom from time immemorial, as it always will be, for girls to complete their education and then to marry. But alas! how very few seem to realize what married life really is and what will be expected in it; what its duties and responsibilities are, or even what leads to marriage. But to the question why do you even think of getting married? The answer is, “Because it is inherent in the mind of every true female character. It was ordained of God in her creation, spiritually, mentally, and physically—from her inmost being to her complete ultimation. It was in the very design of her creation that she should love and be loved, that she should be sought after by the male sex, and that she should become a wife and mother.”