First, let us understand what “marriage” signifies. The word itself has the same meaning as the Latin word conjugium and represents a conjunction or union together. Carried out to its higher or more interior meaning, marriage signifies the joining of good and truth—the “good” being represented by the woman and “truth” being represented by the man. Hence it denotes the spiritual conjunction of minds, and thence of bodies, in contradistinction to the merely natural conjunction or joining together of bodies only. So, to secure a real marriage, there must be a spiritual conjunction of minds; and the conjunction of bodies in wedlock is simply the ultimation, or manifestation of spiritual principles in marriage.
The true reason why girls marry is because they have an innate principle of love for the male sex; and this love is drawn from the Lord above. Consequently, it is pure, chaste, and when fully developed, very powerful. In connection with this principle comes the desire to be sought after and loved by a man of congenial character for whose dear sake a woman is induced to leave father and mother, brothers and sisters, to become the wife of him whom she can claim as her own dear husband. This Heaven-born principle is what leads and induces the female to assent to the marriage relation. For her own sake, for his sake as well as for the sake of all parties concerned, this step should be taken very carefully and only after mature consideration. Once married, there is no escape from its lifelong duties and responsibilities. She must yield to him whatever the marriage vow allows, that she may become a wife in the fullest sense of the term. Marriage is a sacred relation, instituted by God Himself, and the sexual approach which follows between husband and wife, is a special avowal of their relation to each other; and so often as it is repeated it is a renewal of their obligations to be faithful to each other. All sexuality is in the order of creation and, coming from the Lord, serves for high and holy purposes. It was never intended for mere carnal pleasure; as such, it is the profanation and perversion of a great boon to the human race. The man or woman who perverts it must and will, sooner or later, suffer a penalty equal to the transgression.
The husband rightfully expects to find in his wife, as a seal of the marriage covenant, his greatest possible delight. It should be her greatest delight to give him that pleasure; and if she loves her husband according to her avowal, she will not fail to do this. The feeling, each of the other's nearness—in thought, word and act, as though each one were intertwined with the other in the most complete union, is a very great delight; even indescribably great. The sexual act itself is really a type of the perfect harmony in which the married pair should dwell throughout their lives. It teaches a mutual yielding so that the honeymoon, rising so beautifully and lovingly, may continue to wax lighter and brighter and its fullness be attained in this world only at the dissolution, by a natural death, of a union so orderly and happily formed. It is in the very nature of the male to seek his mate; it is an inborn principle for him to do so, and his health, even his life, certainly his moral life, often depends upon an orderly and lawful indulgence of what this inherent principle demands. The greatest longevity and the best health are found among fathers and mothers; thereby proving that orderly and well-regulated sexual intercourse is just as necessary to the married couple as are the functional demands of all other organs of the body. From the foregoing it may be plainly inferred, that, if the wife of a chaste young man who has duly guarded himself from his childhood up, until he has sought and wedded his mate, fails to reciprocate cheerfully and pleasantly in the seal of connubial affection, she proves a bitter disappointment to him. Not that he is carnal, gross or beastly, no! The principle given him by his Creator and residing in his pure and inmost soul has been violated by her in whom he placed his life's confidence; she has proved false to him in this particular, one upon which their present and eternal welfare so largely depends. Young ladies about to marry should be taught to understand this matter most fully, in all its bearings. If they pervert marriage in false practices, the love of God, conjugal love, and the love of infants, the three holiest and noblest inspirations of life, perish together. No woman then should ever marry without a full knowledge of her duties to her husband, particularly in the sexual respect; for without granting this privilege to her husband in full and free accord, there cannot be maintained a happy married life.
The duties of marriage, as a topic, embrace a vast field of thought; and there is so much to say thereon, so much advice to tender, so many absolute commands to enjoin, so many warnings to utter, that it is with difficulty I restrain myself from launching out diffusely in an attempt to give the most important of these. But to so specifically particularize is not the purpose of this book. Enough is said herein, I trust, to set the reflective mind to thinking seriously on these matters and thereby to awaken the conscience to a full sense of its duties. Quite too many cases have come under my observation where the marriage vow has never been consummated or, if consummated at all, in a very begrudging manner, owing to the insubordination of the wife. Consequently dissatisfaction, unhappiness and frequently a permanent separation follows, bringing disgrace upon the family and scandal to their circle of friends. This is not only wrong, but it is a most unpardonable vice. Sexuality has been ordained by God in his wisdom as the means of creation. It exists throughout all nature, in every tree, plant and shrub, in every animal and insect; in every bird that flies, in every fish that swims, in every man and woman. The very best and purest of husbands and wives, all the world over, indulge in sexuality to their united satisfaction, in full acknowledgment that it is of God and from God. Every wife who is unreasonable or derelict in this duty is untrue to her husband and commits a sin against the God of Heaven and earth. Since, then, sexuality is so evidently of Divine appointment, it should be committed entirely to him in its effects.[I]
If at any time the act prove fruitful and a child be born, it should be considered as a great blessing and gift from God Himself. What is more beautiful than to see a married couple engaged in rearing a new human being destined to become an angel in Heaven! For this indeed is the prime object of sexuality and of the marriage covenant. As has been well said, life on earth is Heaven's seminary. And yet, so many wives, to their shame be it said, use preventives to conception, thus attempting to controvert the order of Nature and Nature's God; this is one of the greatest crimes of the present age and vengeance will surely be taken on every transgressor in this sacred matter. Such practice is secret vice which little by little wears upon the inmost vital principle until the perpetrators of such wrongs suffer untold misery in their physical nature—often not even suspecting the cause of such sufferings.
“But there is yet another reason, and a very strong moral one, why the wife should not remain childless. There can be no question that the blood of the father mingles with that of the mother through the medium of the child in utero. (Hence the transmission of blood-diseases from husband to wife.) Hence the indelible impressions made upon a wife by the father of her offspring—impressions, both mental and physical, which by character or resemblance she often transmits to her children by a second husband. Now, * * * * may not this account for the similarity of character and identity of tastes, and, indeed, for that wonderful personal resemblance, which sometimes develops between husband and wife? And does not this requisite alone fulfil the Divine interpretation of marriage, that ‘they are no more twain but one flesh?’”[J]
After marriage a new order of life is entered upon by the wife, and her family matters should subordinate all other schemes and projects of her future existence. Her main thought and study should now be, “How can I best fulfil these new duties and responsibilities? First, my dear husband! how can I be a true help-meet to him? Here we two are to be one, a new punctum saliens, and every act of ours will bear the image of our united lives. No matter what may happen, I will be true to my matrimonial vow and to my God; for I am in His hands and my dear husband's.” A married life begun in this way, with such resolutions sincerely and studiously kept, will secure a life full of happiness and privileges beyond the fondest hope and expectation. When pregnancy occurs, just as soon as the fact be suspected, the little embryo should be regarded as already a member of the family. Every act of each parent should now be performed in some degree with reference to the forth-coming infant. The mother's thoughts particularly should be directed to it as much as possible whilst performing the uses of life. She should read much that is elevating and ennobling in character as this serves a good purpose in producing a more perfect, more healthy and more brilliant child. Let her read such books as “Elements of Character” by Miss Chandler; “Growth of the Mind” by S. Reed; “Sex in Education” by E. H. Clarke, M. D.; also, “Wear and Tear” by S. Weir Mitchell, M. D.; and any other books of like character. Do not forget that the education of the child begins in utero.
During gestation the mother should subsist as far as possible upon fruit, vegetables and a farinaceous diet—always plain and without spices. Plenty of active exercise is indispensable and the use of a “Health Lift” will be found most beneficial. When the nine months are completed, under care of a competent physician, the birth of the child will be accomplished with but comparatively little pain, and its attendant dangers and difficulties will be greatly lessened.