The Universal Register, from the day of its first appearance to the day of its confirmation has like Tristram suffered from innumerable casualities, both laughable and serious, arising from its name, which on its introduction was immediately curtailed of its fair proportion by all who called for it, the word Universal being universally omitted, and the word Register, only, being retained. “Boy, bring me the Register.” The waiter answers, “Sir, we have not a library, but you may see it at the New Exchange Coffee House.” “Then I’ll see it there,” answers the disappointed politician, and he goes to the New Exchange and calls for the Register; upon which the waiter tells him he cannot have it if he is not a subscriber—or presents him with the Court and City Register, the Old Annual Register, or the New Annual Register; or if the Coffee House be within the Purlieus of Covent Garden, or the Hundreds of Drury—slips into the politician’s hand “Harris’s Register of Ladies.”

For these and other reasons, the parents of the Universal Register have added to its original name that of the

TIMES,

Which, being a monosyllable, bids defiance to corrupters and mutilaters of the language.

The Times! What a monstrous name! Granted—for The Times is a many-headed monster that speaks with a hundred tongues, and displays a thousand characters, and in the course of its transformations in life assumes innumerable shapes and humours.

The critical reader will observe we personify our new name, but as we give it no distinction of sex, and though it will be active in its vocations, yet we apply to it the neuter gender.

The Times, being formed of materials and possessing qualities of opposite and heterogeneous natures, cannot be classed either in the animal or vegetable genus; but like the Polypus is doubtful, and in the discussion, description, dissection, and illustration, will employ the pens of the most celebrated of the Literati.

The Heads of the Times, as has been said, are many; they will however not always appear at the same time, but casually, as public or private affairs may call them forth.

The principal or leading heads are—