"Pete had gained a holt on this lady's affections by falling into the flume and allowin' himself to be piped over the waste-gate. She took care of him for three weeks, at the end of which time Pete arose, renewed, refreshed, and more full of determined uselessness than ever. Any woman will love any man that bothers her enough. A man's idee of romance is to do what he wants to, or to be comfortable; a woman's idee of romance is to feel that she's obliged to do what she really wants to do, under such circumstances as will allow her to call it a great sackerfice, or to be made uncomfortable, which is her real notion of comfort. You have only to look at a woman's housekeepin' to reelize the restfulness she finds in keepin' things disturbed all the time. I have looked upon the housekeepin' of enough Mrs. Scraggses to be able to speak with the v'ice of experience, if not the v'ice of wisdom.
"So Mrs. Maggy Watson, the lady of which I heretofore speak, become unamored of Pete during the time he was such a pesky nuisance around the place, an' when he writ her, later, that he thought they'd orter form a close corporation an' issue the holy bonds of matrimony, why, she writ him straight back again that the scheme had been in her mind for some time, and she'd 'a' mentioned it to him only it seemed like meddlin' in his personal affairs.
"First off, it seems a-kind of unjustitude that a man like me should have a load of Mrs. Scraggses forced on him, whilest a man like Pete gets the kindest and obliginest sort of woman; but after all, I was able to take care of myself, and that bunch of wild cats, too, for a while, and Pete certainly needed a lady with a good disposition. You'll allus find, on investigatin' things, that they ain't a mite worse than you thought they was. Mighty often it is the horny-handed foot of misfortune that kicks a man into the green pastures of prosperity—the only question is: kin he eat grass?
"So it come about with Pete, all along the line. He'd gone and got married so ordinary it wouldn't attracted nobuddy's attention, only he was so overjoyed to find that I took sides with him that he sasshayed gayly forth for firewood and cut himself in the small of the back with the ax. Don't ask me how he done it, It's the only case on record. Pete was thinkin' of somethin' at the time, and could only remember a sudden pain in the back. So Pete was laid on the bed of sufferin' oncet more, him bein' so uset to it he took it without a holler, only this time he thought it was prutty serious.
"'Zeke,' says he, 'I've come to the cash-up so frequent I dunno just what's about to happen, but if it should be I was goin' to die for fair this time, I want Maggy to git my money, and I want you to take it to her.'
"'All right, Pete, I will,' says I.
"'Shack along, then,' says he.
"Pete mixed me some. 'I ain't goin' to leave you like this,' I says.
"'Yes, you be, too,' he says, sassy as thunder. 'The only time I kin git what I want is when I'm sick a-bed. I ain't goin' to rest happy nor do nothin'—not eat nor drink—till I know that woman has the chink. I can't say I've made a great job of livin', but I'm goin' to die like a house a-fire, if so the play comes that way,' he says. 'You put a little grub and water nigh me, and I'll just figger on being a full-sized man for oncet; you don't understand what a power of good it does me to think about it,' says he.
"Well, he had me to a standstill. It was cussed to leave a hurt man all alone, but I could easy appreciate the way he felt. If a man can't take no pride in himself the hull blamed business comes down to shovelin' dirt for nothin'.