“‘I felt queer. It didn’t seem like a man of my size oughter be writing sich sentiments in a large book with lots of people looking on.
“‘Howsumever I done it, and the clerk says to me, “You come from the playful districts, just outlying the land of fun, don’t you?” and he added that too much gayety weren’t a good thing.
“‘He came to about ten words about it, when I took the flat of my hand and patted him on the back of his head. His nose bled all over the book, and everybody seemed to think there was a kick comin’.
“‘At last they showed me where I was wrong, and instead of fussing around that pesky hotel, I spent the night in a calaboose. It was one of the pleasantest little jails I ever inhabited—airy, kind of roomy, when I lay on the floor with my head in one corner and my feet in the other—but, toward morning, I got restless and horrible hungry. I hadn’t et the night before, forgetting my supper in the fuss they made about that autograft album, so I shoved my bird-cage door off its hinges and started for grub.
“‘I come upon the jailer eating his midnight meal—pie, cake, eggs—everything. He looked at me and reached for his gun. I took hold of him and reached for his lunch. I et that lunch and gave him one iron dollar, handed him the door, and said, “You keep this, so you don’t work any racket on me stealing your property; or, if you like, I will walk around town with it and you can swear your affidavit that I am still behind the jail door—if you only stand in front of me and look.”
“‘He was a nervous kind of critter that wasn’t fit to take care of a bunch of sheep, let alone running a jail. Couldn’t get anything out of him. He was excited, so I spread them bars on the door apart, stuck his head in, let them snap back on his neck and sung him, Come, Birdie, Come and Live With Me!
“‘He certainly was a comic-looking jailer, sitting back there with his head peeking through the door. The other fellers in there laughed to beat anything, and wanted me to cut ’em loose, but I couldn’t do that—havin’ come to the town for peace and quiet.
“‘Howsumever, I recovered the goods they took from me, and fed the boys a little out of the thimbleful of high jumps I carried in my behind pocket, until everybody was singing, dancing jigs, and so happy that it did sure look like a little bird-cage filled with the merriest chirpers that ever teetered on a limb.
“‘Come daybreak, I says good-by to the crowd and started out to see the city. I turned into the business district, but the stores wasn’t open yet, so I naturally meandered anywheres my fancy led me.
“‘Some of them nice houses were sending up a curl of smoke for early breakfast, and some of them was tight shut, where the fellers that led easy lives weren’t up yet, but was sleeping peacefully in security, and I felt over-lonesome. Seemed like I hadn’t got what was coming to me, that I couldn’t have a little shack with red roses on it, and some nice, kind woman—that would think a durn sight more of me than I was wuth—to keep my feet out of the drafts for the rest of my days.