“‘It was a purty sunrise. It ketched holt of the trees, it scattered red on the window-panes. The chickens was crowin’ and cacklin’ around. The dogs come out and give me a wet wallop on the back of my hand, or chased after me till I had to send them home. And the cats was sitting up on top of the fence-posts waiting for a friendly scratch on the back, and I did feel my life was wasted.
“‘So I hiked out of that to a hill I see in the distance to think things over, and they was more’n plenty. Shaking my head to myself and thinking of what I had lost, I happened to look at my watch and found out I had near lost my lunch, for one thing; so I did the turn back to town at a good, easy lope.
“‘Them young ladies that waited on the table took care of me in good shape. They called me “Grandpaw,” but it weren’t in no way sassy, and I give ’em a five-dollar gold-piece to get some of the green, blue, red and yeller flyabout things that gals like; and the men they was nice and polite to me, too, till, by and by, here comes a committee of five to wait on me, and explain I should oughter go back to jail.
“‘Again it looked as if I should have to subdue some trouble, but only a minute. I showed them that the finish of their jail was ineveetible, if they kept sticking a man in who was bound and determined to carry off a hunk of their jail every time he wanted to come out again; and, more’n that, would feel it his bounden duty to shoot, and would shoot, and, as a matter of fact, did shoot a hole through the hat of the most pushin’ of the crowd; and I simply says: “Instead of all this fuss and fiddle about nothing except them sentiments I wrote in your hotel-book, which seem to displease you, let us have a little treat.”
“‘It is no use talking, there is plenty of good in everybody. We had that little treat, and they found out who I was, and, by-and-by, one feller says: “We have got you noosed as an inhabitant of this here town. Don’t you try to break away, but remember you have got your picket-pin in your own hands. Turn yourself loose, and please us all the more.” So that day was right pleasant and cheerful.
“‘The town paper come out with a notice that the eminent citizen, “Long John,” alias “Texas Brown,” alias “Whipsaw Brown,” alias “Johnny-on-the-seven-spot Brown,” had been overtaken by the town of Abraham Lincoln, and that for the present the map of said town contained him as its most important business center.
“‘The shops all shut up, and that town and me had a fly through space together that the citizens won’t forget for several weeks. But when I woke next morning, I says to myself: “This looks like the same old thing, whilst I came here hunting for peaceful domestic joys.”
“‘So I got up in the cool of the morning with scarcely a pain in my head, and sails out to more retiring districts.
“‘I saw before me the nicest little house you ever did see. There was all kinds of posies in front of it; its fence was as shiny as a set of false teeth; the grass was cut short and tidy. It weren’t painted too many colors. In fact, it was just right, and feelin’ poetic, I said aloud: “O happiness, here’s where thou hast planted thy stakes. Inside this small claim, with all its tips, spurs, angles and variations, there sure runs a pasture of high-grade, free millin’”—but I got no further, for from out that shell that looked so good to me there come a yell like as if a mounting-lion had switched his tail into a wolf-trap. A sound of breaking furniture come to my ears. Also, something as if a man was cussin’ from the very inside of his heart outward, and I gathered that a lady was either being beat by her husband, or else was beating her husband. Of course, in the former case, I was bound to interfere, not knowin’ the rules of married life.
“‘I waved my right foot in the air and slipped the door off its hinges, and there appeared before me sich a scene as I never would suppose could appear before anybody in a house with posies in front of it, and vines crawling over it, and sich nice, clean winders.