(A large leathern bag completely enveloping its head and mane was put over the witness, who thereupon shuffled uneasily, as though bewildered.)
Mr. Chamberlain: Now!
(Mr. James again touched up the witness with the pin. Instead of kicking, the witness danced in an agitated manner and went through various contortions.)
Mr. Chamberlain: I think no further proof is needed of the advantage—or at any rate the innoxiousness—of the muzzle or gag. I trust the experiment will put an end to those foolish complaints in Parliament and the Press which have recently caused the continent itself to sneer. Next!
The next witnesses called were Two Pigs.
The Counsel for the Cobden Club, at the risk of his fortune, rose to protest. His disclaim was not so much against the Pigs themselves (porcs de soi), for the Court had allowed them, and he (emphatically) was not there to contradict the superior wisdom of the Court. It was rather against the presence of two witnesses in the box at the same time. It was wholly opposed to the spirit of Our English Law. Latterly that spirit had been attacked in a hundred ways: Prisoners could speak for themselves, even solicitors—he was ashamed to say—could plead in inferior Courts, but two witnesses in the same box was more, he thought, than the temper that produced an Eldon and a Halsbury could stand. Let alone the relaxation of the moral bond (for how could these two witnesses feel in common the awful meaning of an individual oath?) let alone the moral bond....
Mr. Chamberlain (suddenly): You are making a speech!
The Counsel for the Cobden Club was then taken off to prison. The Inquiry proceeded.
The Witnesses solemnly deposed by another’s mouth (as do infants in baptism) that they were born of one litter in the beautiful old-world village of....
Mr. Chamberlain: Go on! go on!