Sometimes a girl who is attractive enough to win any man is kept from marriage by the selfish attentions of one man who either cannot or will not say anything to her about marrying him. This is not an unfrequent occurrence. A man who, on account of his circumstances, cannot marry, or who, because he prefers his freedom, will not marry, will pay attention to a girl for years. He wins her affections, and keeps away others who would be glad to marry her. Meantime she hopes that every day she will hear the words he has given her a right to expect to hear. In the end, if she allows this thing to continue, she will be an old maid.
No matter how much you care for a man, give him up if, after a certain length of time, he says nothing to you about marriage. You will lose nothing in the end by doing so, and may gain him. If he really cares for you, the danger of losing you will make him more anxious to possess you. Then, if ever, he will find means to ask you to marry him. If he does not then, he never would. If giving him up hurts you, heal the wound by remembering that his intentions could not have been serious, and that he has allowed himself to lose you. Remember, too, that the hurt will come some time, anyway, and most likely when you are beyond the age to attract any one else. So giving him up while you are yet young means a marriage with some other man. Clinging weakly to him means, without doubt, that he will, when you are no longer young and attractive, cast you away for a fairer face.
Never so far forget your self-respect as to ask a dilatory lover his intentions. Never allow your father or brother so to demean you. If a man has intentions, no matter how bashful he is, he will declare them. If he does not do so, he has none, and you had better give up all hope in that direction. There are always plenty more men about who will care for you, and who will let you know it too.
Three such cases have come to my knowledge. The girl acted differently in each one. The first clung to her dilatory lover till he finally left her when she was too old to attract any one else. Now, alone in the world, she supports herself by keeping a boarding-house. The second one had her father ask the lover his intentions, and in that way roped him in. It was not a happy marriage. A third gave up the man who would not propose, and shortly afterwards married another man for whom she grew to care a great deal more.
Some attractive girls live in small towns where they can meet no one whom they could or would marry. Consequently they have to remain single. In such a case a man would go out and seek a wife. A girl cannot exactly do that. She can, however, sometimes change her place of residence for that purpose. When it makes little difference, as far as business is concerned, where a family live, I believe a father owes this duty to his unmarried daughters. He can take her where she will be likely to meet an eligible man. I once knew a father with two young daughters who left his country home for their sakes. He took a nice house in Philadelphia, and remained there till they were both married, then returned home. A widow with three daughters left her farm and rented a large furnished house in New York City. As a means of support she took first-class boarders. The eldest was considerably over thirty, but they were all three attractive. Being so placed where they met gentlemen, none of them were long in marrying. A maiden lady of forty-one, very jolly, bright, and good-natured, interesting but not pretty, and so fleshy she was a sight, had never in the east met a man whom she could marry. She went to California to visit a sister, and in less than a year was married to a wealthy widower.
Change of residence will often change the lonely spinster, young or advanced, into a happy wife.
CHAPTER II.
THE GIRL WHOM MEN LIKE.
Leaving matrimony out of the question, it is desirable for a girl to aim to be a favorite with men generally. She should be a girl whom all men like, whether or not that liking ripens into a feeling more tender. Then she always stands the chance of its so ripening. Many a man goes through life till he has made a success of his business without giving a thought to marriage. When he is ready to marry, he looks about him without any sentiment often to see whom of his lady friends he would like for a wife. Ten to one he hits upon a girl whose character has called forth his friendly admiration. This once settled he straightway falls in love with something to build upon. Widowers will frequently marry a girl of whom they thought well when the wife was yet living.
Mere beauty counts for less in the long run than is generally supposed. It has less power in determining matrimonial choice than you would think. Its first effects are too strong in proportion to its other effects. It is seen at once, and instead of growing upon the beholder, its power rather lessens as it becomes familiar. The two most beautiful girls I ever met are now old maids. The most winning girl I ever knew had absolutely a plain face. There was a charm about her which attracted all men, and which made them swear, after they knew her, that she was a most beautiful creature. Even after she had refused a man, he loved and admired her.
You all want to look as pretty as you can, but you must not place any dependence upon beauty to settle you in life. Many men prefer stylish girls to pretty ones. Look about you at the married women of your acquaintance. How few of them are pretty now, or were in their youth. Two of the worst wives I have ever known are pretty women. Their husbands made the mistake of marrying for beauty. A vain girl is generally selfish, and men do like an unselfish girl. A man wants an unselfish wife.