If you wish men to admire you, you must first be a true woman with a noble character. Look to your home-life. Men catch glimpses of that when you least think it. They know well that an industrious, sweet-tempered, unselfish daughter makes an industrious, sweet-tempered, unselfish wife. A girl of whom her brother is very fond, and whose special friend she is, goes into the society of men, where it is known, with a wonderful recommendation. As a general thing you can tell how a girl will treat her husband by the way she treats her brother. I once knew a young man who asked a girl to marry him because he saw her tender, loving solicitude for her brother.
Men like bright girls. Even the most sober prefer a jolly, laughing girl. As I once heard a man say about a very merry one, “Think of having such a creature always in your home! You wouldn’t have much chance for blues.” I knew a wonderfully homely girl who was so jolly that men surrounded her wherever she went. Men like a good time, and a lively girl will give it to them. If you cannot all be jolly, you can be bright, talkative, and interested. Jolly girls are never sentimental. A man hates a sentimental girl. Sentimental looks, long faces, teary expressions are only attractive in novels. Men, out of books, do not like to wipe away tears—they prefer to walk away from them. Never forget that a man is a selfish being. Keep that little fact in view continually; and if you want to please him, pander to it. If anything will disgust a man with a girl, it is to see her make a fuss. Even if you have real heart-sorrow, the more you control yourself, the more you will be admired. Remember you look your very worst when you cry. The tears do not “well up,” and “overflow,” “chasing each other down your alabaster cheeks like so many pearly drops,” as they do in novels. No: your face squints up, while your eyes and nose get red. Instead of being attractive, unless the man for whose benefit you have gotten up this scene loves you, he will walk away. It is manlike to walk off at the first sign of a storm, and to avoid everything uncomfortable. Bear that in mind. When you treat a man to a scene on any subject, you lose your hold upon him. Ten to one he will leave you to seek the society of some lively girl who is wise enough to hide her tears.
A man likes a sensible girl. He likes real good common sense. Nothing is more trying than an unreasonable woman, and a man will not have anything to do with her when he does not have to do so. He may be politely pleasant to her, but he does not care to have her for his wife. To be sure plenty of unreasonable, trying women are wives. (I would they were not!) They had the faculty of hiding their real character before the binding vows were spoken. It is better to have nothing to hide. Be your honest true self always. If you are naturally endowed with common sense, try to cultivate it. Learn to be reasonable, and try not to be governed by your feelings. A man never cares for a girl whose feelings and not duty are her guide. Bear in mind that I am not talking about the man who is in love with you, but the one who views you calmly but may sometime love you.
Men like good-natured girls. I know two sisters, the eldest of whom is quick-tempered, resentful, ill-spoken, and is over thirty without a gentleman friend. She never had one. The younger, not yet nineteen, is good-natured and lively. All the men who know her like her. One man, in fear of her being carried off by some one else, has secured her promise to marry him.
A man likes to feel that the wife he takes to his home is going to brighten that home. He does not want a high temper to contend with. A girl never shows off to a worse advantage than when she is angry. Men are attracted by sweetness of disposition. No greater compliment could be paid to any woman than is paid to the Princess of Wales when she is called Her Royal Sweetness. Directly we hear that, we are drawn to her.
Sweetness of mind and manner is woman’s greatest charm. A sweet woman is beloved by every one. It is woman’s province to be sweet. Gail Hamilton says, “It is the first duty of woman to be a lady.” I say, it is her first duty, after being a Christian (which is certainly first of everything), to be sweet. She says to be a lady is more than to be a prince. Let me add that to be Her Royal Sweetness is more than to be Her Royal Highness. We all are won by a sweet manner. A sweet smile will even draw us to a stranger. It can be yours if you will cultivate it. Begin at home. Lay the foundation there. Be sweet at heart. Do not put on gracious smiles and winning ways for the outside world only. If they are not natural, you will be caught tripping sometimes. Circumstances may arise when you will show the man whom you are the most anxious to win what you truly are. Although that will be a good thing for him, it will be bad for you. Be genuine. Counterfeit is detected in the long run. I know a woman who outside is the very ideal of sweetness, but who is a perfect demon at home. She won her husband, whom she now drives almost to madness, by that assumed sweetness. In spite of smiles and graciousness, she is the most friendless woman I know. The world demands genuine coin, and will detect counterfeit. So begin at home to be sweet, and unconsciously it will become your natural manner. You will not have to assume it: it will be your own.
A girl may be more than plain, even homely, but if her manners are gentle, her voice sweet and low, her bearing womanly, her power is wonderful. A charming smile unlocks many a door which is barred to a stiff, ungracious manner. A charming smile warms every one it greets. It is particularly winning to a man. It has in it a welcome which fascinates him, and brings him to you again. A gracious, sweet manner is of more account in winning your way with the sterner sex than millions. More girls are married for their sweetness than for their money. A charming, bright greeting, will sometimes engage a man’s interest or attention on the spot.
“Be courteous” at all times. “Be courteous” under all circumstances even the most trying, in your family, among friends, and with strangers. I remember it was said of a sweet girl at school, “She would be polite to Satan himself if he came to her room.” I almost believe it. I once heard a truly sweet girl say, “I was so provoked;” when another girl broke in, “I don’t believe that. Any one knows that you cannot get provoked.”
Sensible men like an economical girl. A man does not want to feel that after marriage all his money, especially if he does not have much of it, is going to be wasted.
Men like healthy girls. A man hates to hear a woman complain. He is not sympathetic. Men rarely are; but then you must take them as you find them, not as you would have them. Just there lies the secret of some girls’ failure to attract; they have no patience with a man’s imperfections, and are unwise enough to allow him to see that they have discovered them.