Men like girls who are hearty and who have a hearty interest in things. A real live girl is always a favorite. A man avoids a sentimental girl. Do not quote poetry. Do not look languishing. Do not model your conduct after the heroines of novels. Study real life, and be real. Do not expect anything to occur to you as it does to girls in novels: it never will.
Do not exact too much attention. A man hates to give it where it is exacted, even when it is your right. It is their way to pay it only when they feel like doing so. A man never wants to be controlled. Before he is in love, he is particularly alive to any effort to do so. When he is in love, he is more blind to it; but even then it is not well to press it.
To be thoroughly attractive you must have a great deal of tact. Tact has been called the supremest weapon in a woman’s hands. Without it, she is helpless. With it, she is powerful. Tact will enable you to see just what to do, how to do it, what to say, and how to say it. Men are not all alike. What will please one may not please another. They are all built on the same general plan, however, and if you know one well, you know pretty much all there is to be known about the whole sex. Yet different lines of conduct are to be pursued with different men. A girl with tact grasps this in a moment. Indeed, she grasps the situation every time and pleases every time. You must understand man-nature. You can learn a great deal of it from your brother. Let me tell you too that if girls would more frequently advise with their brothers, they would get along a hundred-fold better. A brother can give you an insight into other men, and at the same time look after your interests. You will rarely fail to go right and to do right, if you will make him your confidant. Find out what he likes, and you will know what other men like.
If you would be attractive, you must hide your feelings. I know of no time at home or abroad when it is well to show your real feelings if they are disagreeable. Bear in mind that I do not lay down a code of laws to be practised only abroad regardless of your home-life. Let the first man upon whom you try your winning arts be your father. Make him sure that you are the most perfect of girls. Then try your brothers. As the most lovely of daughters and sisters, you will be real when you are attracting other men by your winning manners.
A man likes a girl who is read up—at least in the news of the day. He does not want to be instructed, and he never likes a girl who knows better than he does about things. If even you are sure he is wrong, do not correct him. That would be a wound to his vanity, which is itself a fatal thing to do. If you are better educated than he is, do not let him know it. Appear to receive instruction, and let your knowledge be a sort of cushion for his. Be interested in what he talks about, and willing to learn. Give him your full attention when he talks to you. It is a lack of tact that makes a girl show a want of interest. It is a lack of tact too that makes a girl let a man see what a good opinion she has of herself, when she ought to be showing him what a good opinion she has of him. It is very well to have it settled in your own mind just what you are, and what your attractions are, but do not let any know of that opinion. It is well to have a good opinion of yourself: it will give you an ease in society and a confidence to go ahead and win. Be sure, however, that you are worthy of that opinion. Be sure that you are not deceiving even yourself.
Never allow a man to sacrifice his comfort for you. If he is rude enough even to ask to smoke in your presence, with your sweetest smile give him permission to do so. Promote his comfort in every possible way. They notice these things and like such attentions. Do not feel it your right always to have the best of everything and he the worst. Decline to accept the sacrifices that he as a gentleman will insist upon making. Some girls will heedlessly accept anything with a sort of blind gross selfishness. The girl who is unselfish at home, and who looks out for the comfort of her family before she does her own, will unconsciously carry the same winning spirit with her wherever she goes. The girl who is selfish at home, and who puts on her sweetness with company dress, will often forget all about it, especially under any excitement.
Do not allow a man to spend much money upon you. He rarely cares to do so, but does it because it is customary among a certain class, and thinks that you expect it of him. Give him a pleasant surprise when he invites you into a restaurant or elsewhere, by declining. You do not want to be indebted to him in a monetary point of view—it lessens your dignity. It would not be a pleasant thing to hear him count up how much he has spent upon you. A man will do it, and make remarks about it to other men too. They have it all done to a fine point, and know just which girl is expensive in her tastes, and which one it costs the most to take out. I have heard them talk when I have been behind the scenes. Some girls, I am sorry to say, will even go so far as to hint that they would like to be taken to a certain entertainment or out for refreshments. There is much bitter truth in the jokes we read about the ice-cream girl. The writer of them, I always think, has smarted under the custom.
No matter what a man is himself, he likes a modest girl. True modesty has a great charm. A girl without it is like a faded flower. As a general thing, her end is sad. Beauty is fleeting, but modesty gives a charm which outlasts youth. A retiring, gentle girl is something to seek after; and a man rather seek. A bold girl may receive more attentions from a certain class of men, but less love in the long run. That “certain class of men” you want to avoid instead of seeking to attract them. The real gentleman, the kind for whose attentions you care, never wants anything to do with a bold, loud girl. The loud girl is never a lady. Cultivate a low, sweet voice at all times. Abjure slang and chewing gum. Of the two evils I do not know which is the worst; but I do know that no true lady is addicted to either.
Men like large-minded, large-hearted girls. They like girls who have no envy in their nature, who can be fair and just even to a rival, who will see good in every one, and speak of that instead of the evil.
If you meet a girl whom you feel is your superior, emulate her; try to become all she is. At the same time, be large enough to acknowledge her excellence. Your very humility and sweet praise of her will be a winning grace. Ten to one the man will think how sweet you are instead of seeing the excellent traits you point out in her. Bitter, narrow-minded girls have an idea they can bring a superior girl down to their level by casting mud at her. It is a species of mud that always flies back, with a sort of a double back-action arrangement, and does all the harm to the thrower. In the first place, it is not Christ-like to speak unkindly of any one; in the second, men hate to hear it. It is only a weak one who will join in with you. In the third place, it is so small, and tells so plainly that you are narrow, envious, inferior. Instead of trying to pull a girl down, always try to climb up beyond her heights. Be large enough to discern and acknowledge whatever good you see in any one. Be charitable to the wrong-doings of your friends. Never mention the plainly seen faults of another girl. In this evil world, be as though you saw no evil. Be pure. “To the pure all things are pure.” Let all things and all people be pure in your sight.