V
IN WHICH SOCRATES DISCUSSES THE OVER-PRODUCTION OF TALK
“Marie was my ward, and as pretty a girl as ever led a bulldog or ate a box of chocolates at a sitting. She was a charming fish-hook, baited with beauty and wealth and culture and remarkable innocence. She had dangled about on mama’s rod and line for a year or so, but the fish wouldn’t bite. For that reason I grabbed the rod from the old lady and put on a bait of silence and a sinker, and moved to deep water and began to do business.
“Marie had a failing, for which, I am sorry to say, she was in no way distinguished. She talked too much, as Harry 56 had said. There are too many American women who talk too much. Marie’s mother used to talk about six-thirds of the time. You had to hear it, and then you had to get over it. She had a way of spiking the shoes of Time so that every hour felt like a month while it was running over you. You ought to have seen her climb the family tree or the sturdy old chestnut of her own experience and shake down the fruit! Marie had one more tree in her orchard. She had added the spreading peach of a liberal education to the deadly upas of Benson genealogy and the sturdy old chestnut of mama’s experience. The vox Bensonorum was as familiar as the Congregational bell. The supply of it exceeded the demand, and after every one was loaded and ready to cast off, the barrels came rolling down the chute.
“The next time I saw Marie she was a bit cast down. She wished me to suggest something for her to do. Said she wanted 57 a mission––a chance to do some good in the world. Thought she’d enjoy being a nurse. I felt sorry for the girl, and suddenly I saw the flicker of a brilliant thought.
“‘Marie,’ I said, ‘as a member of The Society of Useful Women you are under a serious obligation, and you have taste for missionary work. Well, what’s the matter with beginning on Nancy Doolittle? You owe her a duty and ought to have the courage––nay, the kindness––to perform it. Nancy talks too much.’
“‘Well, I should say so,’ said Marie. ‘Nancy is a scourge––I have often thought of it.’
“‘She’s downright wasteful,’ I went on. ‘She fills every hour with information, and then throws on some more. It keeps coming. Your seams open, and then it’s every hand to the pumps! Dora Perkins and Rebecca Ford are just as extravagant. They toss out gems of thought and chunks 58 of knowledge as if they were as common as caramels.
“‘You should go to these girls and kindly but firmly remind them of this fault. Tell them that too much conversation has created more old maids and grass and parlor widows than any other cause. Give them a little lecture on the old law of supply and demand. Show them that it applies to conversation as well as to cabbages––that if one’s talk is too plentiful, it becomes very cheap. Suggest that if Methuselah had lived until now and witnessed all the adventures of the human race, he couldn’t afford to waste his knowledge. If he talked only half the time nobody would believe him. They’d think he was crazy, and they’d know why, in past ages, everybody had died but him, and they’d wonder how he had managed to survive the invention of gunpowder. These girls have overestimated the value of good-will. Their securities are not well 59 secured. There are millions of watered stock in their treasuries, and it isn’t worth five cents on the dollar. Marie, you can have a lot of fun. I almost envy you.