"I would raise my song of gratitude to my God, who, I am confident has restored me in answer to prayer, though I am still very weak. During my affliction my mind has been variously exercised; sometimes I could cast myself with all my concerns upon God; at other times was much depressed; once in the multitude of my thoughts within me, it was suggested, as if a voice spoke to me, 'What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.'"
I thank Thee for the comfort given,
When agonized with pain;
The love infused—the taste of heaven,
That cheered my heart again;
In answer to the faithful prayers
Of many a fervent soul,
Disease retired—for mercy spares,
And makes the sinner whole.
VI.
GROWTH IN GRACE.
"AS THE TENDER GRASS, SPRINGING OUT OF THE EARTH, BY
CLEAR SHINING AFTER RAIN."—2 Sam. xxiii. 4.
God doeth nothing in vain. Cloud and sunshine, stormy winds, and steeping rains, have each their appointed purpose; and in their season contribute to bless, and refresh the earth; that it may bring forth its increase for the service of man and beast. You have often seen, how after a shower in the cheerful spring-time, the green meadows have suddenly put on a fresher and livelier hue; and the tender grass seemed to grow before your eyes. Just so, in the higher economy of grace, seasons of trial and affliction have their definite design; only here the effect is not determined by an irresistible law; but suspended upon the conduct of man. The heart must be open to receive the genial influences, which are thus mysteriously communicated; the will must submissively bow under the dispensations of an allwise Providence; and, especially, seasons of affliction should be seasons of earnest prayer. Then will they be followed by a marked increase of spiritual life and power. Mrs. Lyth benefitted by her afflictions; and although she more frequently mourns over her own unprofitableness, her growth in grace is clearly apparent in her journal, which we resume.
"1820.—Although I have the victory I cannot yet say the old man is dead; some seeds of peevishness yet remain to be destroyed. Praise God, I hate the garment spotted by the flesh. 'All peace, all love,' is the desire of my heart, and the longing of my soul.—A day of fasting and prayer; but separation from every thing that defileth is what is pleasing to the Lord. May this be my continual abstinence. Amen.—Not able to procure a substitute to meet my husband's class, I ventured myself, sensible of my own unfitness, and earnestly begging God to speak by me. One person went out, but whatever was the cause, thank God, I felt that my work was with the Lord.—Went to see poor old Sarah; found her confined to her bed but happy in the Lord: nature was fast sinking. I wished her to have a nurse, but she thought she could do alone, as she had a candle, and the Lord was with her: left her, but found means to procure a nurse for the night.—A few days ago I was awoke with the words, 'What shall I do for thee?' My answer was, 'Lord, that I may live more fully to Thee, and for Thee.' Unutterable sweetness filled my soul, and now, while I write, I feel it still. Glory be to God, His love is ever new. To walk with Him, transcends all earthly enjoyment.—During the last week I have learned my own weakness. Unaided by divine grace, I have no power to check trifling conversation among professors; especially such as are older than myself. Teach me how to act, when to speak, and when to be silent. To-day felt it my duty to visit a neighbour, and met with a more favourable reception than I expected. He has long been ill, and is now in trouble. I told him that I had come to bring him good news, that 'Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners;' and while conversing with him on the necessity of an interest in the Redeemer's blood, in order to forgiveness, he seemed to listen with attention. May the Lord make him a witness of the saving power of the Gospel, Some little matters, which require a patient and forgiving spirit, have occurred to fill up my character as a Christian. Lord, help me and give me that spirit which in Thy sight is of great price.—Thirty-eight years old! How short the time appears! yet how varied the scenes through which I have passed! and how different the views I have had. Praise the Lord. With respect to the soul, I have clearer views than ever. My feet are upon the rock. When I look over my life, how blotted it appears! am lost in astonishment, that God, who made all things, and upholds all things by the word of his power, should stoop to such a wretch as I. O the depth of the riches of His mercy to me!—I have received a letter from Cousin Ann, in which she boldly confesses the cleansing blood. Hope it will prove a lasting blessing to me; feel ashamed that I have not more openly acknowledged what the Lord has done for my soul. By this omission, have clipped the wings of my faith, and encouraged a diffidence, which I long to have removed; have hesitated upon the plea, that I would wait and see whether the work was genuine or no. O my Saviour forgive, and condescend to teach one of the dullest scholars in Thy school.—Have found the five o'clock prayer-meetings very profitable, and cannot be thankful enough that I have health to go. At the prayer-leaders' Lovefeast, said I could give up all for God, but have since asked myself, Is this true? Lord, Thou knowest it is the desire of my heart to give myself to Thee without reserve: accept the offering. I feel Thee now pouring in Thy ineffable peace. My soul has but one object, inward and outward holiness. O make me quite clear.—The intercourse is open between my soul and God, but yet I have had to struggle for it. O save me fully. This is what I want. Last Tuesday I felt I could not doubt. Stamp me, Saviour, with Thy seal, and keep me ever Thine. I again met Mrs. G.'s class. I feel myself more fit to sit at their feet and be taught; but O Thou, who usedst clay to open the eyes of the blind, use me for Thy glory.—Some keen things uttered by a relative have wounded me to the quick. I feel innocent, yet, Lord, how little I can hear! Give me the love that hopeth all things, endureth all things, which rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.—Kirkby. I am reading Fletcher's Life. How it excites holy desire! My earnest aspiration is after perfect love. When shall it once be? Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.—We went to Ribstone to see Mrs. R. but did not pray at the close of the visit; my mind was wounded on this account. The Lord pardon all my offences.—Cousin and I found it good to pour out our souls before God, alone. At first my mind felt hard; but by and by, the veil was drawn aside, and I enjoyed a sweet manifestation of the Lord;—a settled peace but no overflowing joy. My earnest wish is to be quite clear, for I am more than ever convinced of the reality of the blessing. The cleansing power of God puts us in a capacity to 'grow in grace,' and live to the glory of God.—We walked to Barrowby, and took tea with Miss H. She is a friendly girl, possessing the advantage of a polite education, but wants the main accomplishment—vital godliness: she wept while I talked with her. O that it may not pass away as the morning cloud! On our return we had a blessed meeting with our God. I felt the power to cast myself by faith upon the Lord; but still do not perceive the direct witness of the cleansing blood: am resolved not to give up the point until I obtain my suit.—I left Kirkby,—a place so congenial to my inclinations, secluded from scenes of noise and excitement,—and had a pleasant journey home, where I found all well. Praise God.—Returning from the Lord's house, a beautiful rainbow attracted my attention, and preached a second sermon to me; putting me in mind of the covenant which the Lord had made with His people.—I am aiming to keep the prize in view. I see lengths and breadths before me; and my heart, thank God, is bent to pursue that which to me is most desirable, viz., holiness. But I need stronger faith to enter in by the blood of Jesus. Union with Him is sweet. This makes one thirst for more. Many temptations assault me, but the reading of Fletcher's Polemical Essay on Christian Perfection has been of advantage to me. I am learning the method of bringing to God those evils and besetments, which seem to be the main hindrances to my progress. I have much cause of humiliation before the Lord, and wish to attain that sweet spirit of abasement, which not only confesses its unworthiness, but feels willing, that others should be preferred before me. I have need of vigilance; my enemy is ready to seize upon the least advantage. To Thee, O God, my soul looks up.—A dream, I had this week, powerfully impressed me with the necessity of being faithful with our relatives, and of living near to God ourselves. Private prayer has been profitable, but do not know that I was ever so much beset with peculiar temptation. Since I have become acquainted with the devices of the enemy, have found another errand to the Lord.—Spent the forenoon with some of the friends of God, and the poor. On attending one of the women's prayer-meetings, find my name, has been omitted, but believe it is for the best.
'Make me little and unknown,
Prized and loved by God alone.'
Last night I was troubled in my sleep, but it was sweetly suggested; 'God is our refuge—a very present help in trouble.' Glory be to God for His promises; may I hang upon them more firmly than ever. To-day my soul has been drawn after God; but when shall I be able to say with Mr. Wesley, 'Now I have lived a day.'—Find patience a grace. I especially need, both with respect to myself, my children, my domestics, and the world. Had not the sacred Scriptures declared 'ye have need of patience,' I should be more ready to reason with the enemy than I am. But the word of God is a strong tower against the assaults of the devil; here the righteous find a refuge and a hiding-place.—What a poor unprofitable creature I am! Lord, I cast myself upon Thee. Save a helpless soul, that feels no merit but in Jesu's atoning blood."
"1821. Am ashamed to acknowledge I have felt a little impatience, because my hands through stiffness, occasioned by cramp, have refused to perform their ordinary duty. Forgive me, O my God; nor ever let me repine at any of Thy dispensations to a worm, loaded with benefits as I am. I seem a poor piece of useless lumber, but Thou bearest with me. Let me ever live to Thee.—Although I usually sleep well, last night I lay awake for some time, but my meditations were sweet; they turned upon Peter's advice to those who had received like precious faith, viz.; 'Add to your faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, and to knowledge temperance, and to temperance PATIENCE,' &c. I have felt its influence to-day. Praise the Lord for so divine an admonition; my soul needs it.—The debt of gratitude I owe to Thee, 'O Thou Preserver of men,' I feel glad to acknowledge, though I am unable to pay. Glory be unto Thee for Thy renewed mercy to a worm. Help me to repeat my vows to Thee, who hast graciously protracted my life, and through another seeming death delivered me. Let the babe, thy love has given me, be unreservedly dedicated to Thyself. But oh! how shall I tell of Thy unbounded love to a worthless creature! My soul longs to be wholly Thine. Help my feebleness; let me turn neither to the right hand nor the left, but teach me all Thy will.—I am blessed with health, surrounded by friends, and encompassed by mercies. How infinitely poor is my gratitude to the Lord, when all these are considered! How is it, Lord, that my affection for Thee is so cold, and my faith in Thy infallibility so weak? Quicken me, animate my drooping powers, and let me every moment live in Thee.—I have the witness within me, but daily feel my own weakness. All my good comes from heaven, and requires constant renewal. I have faith in God, but thirst for more. I want to be deluged with the love of God.—A trivial circumstance has been a source of mental exercise; but thank God, have had power to keep my tongue. Let the issues of my heart be kept by Thee."