CHAPTER XI
The Scene at the Modern Ceremony
Humorous account of a recent Flitch festival, which appeared in the London Star, may be reproduced in part, as an outsider's impression of the modern ceremony—
The sun poured down on Dunmow meadows. Most of the population of the country round was gathered in holiday dress, and a steam barrel organ, which neighed a series of melodies without intermission, drove all the birds to the adjoining counties and made things sonorously cheerful. The rustics threw balls at cocoanuts, drank beer, ate cakes, and disported themselves innocently through the early hours awaiting the matrimonial inquisition.
The huge marquee tent, where the secrets of several households were to be ruthlessly laid bare, was visited by a number of chubby gentlemen who whispered mysteriously. Finally, at three o'clock all was ready, and public shillings flowed in a steady stream into the committee's hat. Soon the tent was crowded to suffocation.
There was a platform with a big chair for the judge, a bench for the claimants and tables for the counsel. There were twelve seats for the jury on the left. An assortment of functionaries walked to and fro on the stage and disappeared into side rooms through portières artistically constructed of old corn bags blended in tasteful harmony. Finally the portières swung back and the historical company appeared.
There was a Judge in scarlet and ermine wearing a full-bottomed wig which appeared to have been thoughtfully improvised overnight from a woolly grey doormat. There were two Counsel in wigs and gowns, one for the claimants and one against them. There was an Usher in a gown and fishing pole, which, it was explained to anxious enquirers, was his rod of office. This picturesque party sat down with great gravity, and looked at each other with great gravity until the jury came in.
The Jury created a sensation. It consisted of six pairs of strawberry and cream cheeks, six dimpled noses and six new straw hats. It wore other things also, including white dresses and knots of pink ribbon to indicate its official importance. It also giggled and then looked serious, but it did not all giggle at once or look serious at once.
After the young misses came six lads with knots of ribbon and feet which the owners seemed to want to get out of the way. One juryman in his despair had the courage to begin a conversation with the young jurywoman in front of him.
It is one of the rules of the Flitch that the married couples shall be judged by a Jury whose matrimonial knowledge is purely theoretical.