The first couple were a parson and his wife, both a little portly. They were a charming couple however, and had the documents to prove it. The second pair was a doctor and his wife and both wore eye-glasses. They were slender. The wife smiled pleasantly and the husband looked shrewd and good-natured. The lady belonging to the third couple seemed starched and stiff and her husband had rather a crisp expression. The first name of the male claimant in this case was William Willie. Smaller absurdities than this have been the subject of a domestic scene, but the life of Mr. and Mrs. William Willie was understood to be beautiful. Mrs. William Willie was a laundress, and William Willie occasionally helped her.
The history of each couple was given. They were all of middle age and had all been married within a few years. Mr. William Willie, it was said, fell in love with Mrs. William Willie at Hounslow, and, though called to foreign parts, returned to find her faithful.
The attorney for the claimants was an eloquent man. He spoke of Fitzwalter and other things and then he said that he was confident that his clients would safely pass the ordeal and told the jury so repeatedly, the jury giggling each time.
When the first couple stood up it was certainly very funny. The audience laughed loud and long. There is nothing very much funnier than a sedate and elderly couple being gravely questioned in the presence of hundreds of people concerning the details of their daily life. Mr. William Willie said his wife was the best woman in England, and she always sweetly bade him goodbye when he went and greeted him with a loving smile when he came. The searching questions were so absurd and were answered in such a straightforward way that the Counsel for the claimants lost control of himself and laughed till the tears rolled down his cheeks, the audience doing likewise.
Mrs. William Willie was equally straightforward but a little uncomfortable. She explained that her husband wiped his feet in muddy weather, did not smoke too much and never indulged in spirituous liquors.
Finally the Counsel, with a triumphant glance at the Jury, turned this pair over to the opposing Counsel.
Then came some impromptu repartee between Counsel, which was entirely successful. Then searching questions by the Counsel for the Bacon and more laughter. Mr. and Mrs. William Willie had testimonials from friends who had visited them to say that a cross word was unknown in their home. Counsel said that was all very well, but no one quarrelled before company. He wanted to know whether affairs were equally amicable in private. With great ingenuity he went over all the various ways in which husbands manage to ruffle the feathers of their spouses, but finally based his address to the Jury on the general valuelessness of testimonials and the all-round improbability of the whole story.
Then came another hot argument for the claimants, and the Judge summed up with great impartiality. After this the case went to the Jury.
It was awkward at first, but soon it got to whispering quite busily. Each jurywoman leaned back and was talked to by the juryman behind her, six pink ears being in such close proximity to six downy upper lips that nobody was in the least surprised when it was announced that the Jury wished to retire. It retired and it was gone many minutes. It was even feared that it had eloped, and the usher with the fishing pole was sent after it, and brought it back. It settled down with more giggles and the verdict was announced: For the claimants. And there was a storm of applause.
The other two cases passed off similarly and more quickly. Two such tender husbands and two such happy wives were never seen. It was a foregone conclusion in each case.