THE
ART of POLITICKS,
In Imitation of
HORACE's
ART of POETRY.
[2] Speakers profess'd, who Gravity pretend, )
With motley Sentiments their Speeches blend: )
Begin like Patriots [iii], and like Courtiers end. )
Some love to roar, the Constitution's broke,
And others on the Nation's Debts to joke;
Some rail, (they hate a Commonwealth so much,)
What e'er the Subject be, against the Dutch;
While others, with more fashionable Fury,
Begin with Turnpikes, [iv]and conclude with Fleury; [v]
Some, when th' Affair was Blenheim's glorious Battle,
Declaim'd against importing Irish Cattle.
But you, from what e'er Side you take your Name,
Like Anna's Motto, always be the same.
[3] Outsides deceive, 'tis hard the Truth to know; )
Parties from quaint Denominations flow, )
As Scotch and Irish Antiquaries show. [vi] )
The Low are said to take Fanaticks Parts,
The High are bloody Papists in their Hearts.
Caution and Fear to highest Faults have run;
In pleasing both the Parties, you please none.
Who in the House affects declaiming Airs,
Whales in Change-Alley paints: in Fish-Street, Bears.
Some Metaphors, some Handkerchiefs display; )
These peep in Hats, while those with Buttons play, )
And make me think it Repetition-Day; [vii] )
There Knights haranguing hug a neighb'ring Post,
And are but Quorum Orators at most.
Sooner than thus my want of Sense expose, )
I'd deck out Bandy-Legs with Gold-Clock't Hose, )
Or wear a Toupet-Wig without a Nose. [viii] )
Nay, I would sooner have thy Phyz, I swear,
Surintendant des Plaisirs d' Angleterre. [ix]
[4] Ye Weekly Writers of seditious News,
Take Care your Subjects artfully to chuse,
Write Panegyrick strong, or boldly rail,
You cannot miss Preferment, or a Goal.
Wrap up your Poison well, nor fear to say
What was a Lye last Night is Truth to Day;
Tell this, sink that, arrive at Ridpath's Praise, [x]
Let Abel Roper your Ambition raise.
To Lye fit Opportunity observe,
Saving some double Meaning in reserve;
But oh, you'll merit everlasting Fame,
If you can quibble on Sir Robert's Name.
In State-Affairs use not the Vulgar Phrase,
Talk Words scarce known in good Queen Besse's days.
New Terms let War or Traffick introduce,
And try to bring Persuading Ships in Use.
Coin Words: in coining ne'er mind common Sense,
Provided the Original be French.
[5] Like South-Sea Stock, Expressions rise and fall:
King Edward's Words are now no Words at all.
Did ought your Predecessors Genius cramp?
Sure ev'ry Reign may have it's proper Stamp.
All Sublunary things of Death partake;
What Alteration does a Cent'ry make?
Kings and Comedians all are mortal found,
Cæsar and Pinkethman [xi] are under Ground.
What's not destroy'd by Times devouring Hand?
Where's Troy, and where's the May-Pole [xii] in the Strand?
Pease, Cabbages, and Turnips once grew, where
Now stands new Bond-street, and a newer Square; [xiii]
Such Piles of Buildings now rise up and down;
London itself seems going out of Town.
Our Fathers cross'd from Fulham in a Wherry,
Their Sons enjoy a Bridge at Putney-Ferry. [xiv]
Think we that modern Words eternal are?
Toupet, and Tompion, Cosins, and Colmar
Hereafter will be call'd by some plain Man
A Wig, a Watch, a Pair of Stays, a Fan.
To Things themselves if Time such change affords,
Can there be any trusting to our Words.
[6] To screen good Ministers from Publick rage, )
And how with Party Madness to engage, )
We learn from Addison's immortal Page. )
The Jacobite's ridiculous Opinion
Is seen from Tickel's Letter to Avignon. [xv]
But who puts Caleb's Country-Craftsman [xvi] out,
Is still a secret, and the World's in doubt.