[27] The Speaker, when the Commons are assembl'd,
May to the Græcian Chorus be resembl'd;
'Tis his the Young and Modest to espouse,
And see none draw, or challenge in the House:
'Tis his Old Hospitality to use,
And three good Printers for the House to chuse;
To let each Representative be heard,
And take due care the Chaplain be preferr'd,
To hear no Motion made that's out of joint,
And where he spies his Member, make his point.
[28] To Knights new chosen in old time would come
The County Trumpet, and perhaps a Drum;
Now when a Burgess new Elect appears,
Come Trainbands, Horseguards, Footguards, Grenadeers;
When the majority the Town-clerk tells,
His Honour pays the Fiddles, Waits, [xxxi] and Bells:
Harangues the Mob, and is as wise and great,
As the most Mystic Oracle of State.
[29] When the Duke's Grandson for the County stood,
His Beef was fat, and his October good;
His Lordship took each Ploughman by the fist,
Drunk to their Sons, their Wives and Daughters kiss'd;
But when strong Beer their Freeborn Hearts inflames,
They sell him Bargains, [xxxii] and they call him Names.
Thus is it deem'd in English Nobles wise
To stoop for no one reason but to rise.
[30] Election matters shun with cautious awe,
O all ye Judges Learned in the Law;
A Judge by Bribes as much himself degrades,
As Dutchess Dowager by Masquerades.
[31] Try not with Jests obscene to force a Smile,
Nor lard your Speech with Mother Needham's Stile: [xxxiii]
Let not your tongue to Ωλδφιελδισμυς run,
And Κιββερισμυς [xxxiv] with abhorrence shun;
Let not your looks affected words disgrace,
Nor join with silver Tongue a brazen Face;
Let not your hands, like Tallboys, [xxxv] be employ'd,
And the mad rant of Tragedy avoid.
Just in your Thoughts, in your Expression clear,
Neither too modest, nor too bold appear.
[32] Others in vain a like Success will boast,
He speaks most easy, who has study'd most.
[33] A Peer's pert Heir has to the Commons spoke
A vile Reflection, or a Bawdy Joke;
Call'd to the House of Lords, of this beware,
'Tis what the Bishops Bench will never bear.
Amongst the Commons is such freedom shown,
They lash each other, and attack the Throne:
Yet so unskilful or so fearful some,
For nine that speak there's nine-and-forty dumb.
[34] When James the first, at great Britannia's helm,
Rul'd this word-clipping and word-coining Realm,
No words to Royal favour made pretence,
But what agreed in sound and clash'd in sense.
Thrice happy he! how great that Speaker's praise,
Whose ev'ry Period look'd an hundred ways.
What then? we now with just abhorrence shun
The trifling Quibble, and the School-boys Pun;
Tho' no great Connoisseur, I make a shift
Just to find out a Durfey from a Swift;
I can discern with half an eye, I hope,
Mist [xxxvi] from Jo Addison, from Eusden Pope:
I know a Farce from one of Congreve's Plays,
And Cibber's Opera [xxxvii] from Johnny Gay's.
[35] When pert Defoe his sawcy Papers writ,
He from a Cart was Pillor'd for his Wit:
By Mob was pelted half a Morning's space,
And rotten Eggs besmear'd his yellow face;
The Censor [xxxviii] then improv'd the list'ning Isle,
And held both Parties in an artful Smile.
A Scribbling Crew now pinching Winter brings, )
That spare no earthly nor no heav'nly things, )
Nor Church, nor State, nor Treasurers, nor Kings.)
But Blasphemy displeases all the Town; )
And for defying Scripture, Law, and Crown, )
Woolston should pay his Fine, and lose his Gown,)
[36] It must be own'd the Journals try all ways
To merit their respective Party's praise:
They jar in every Article from Spain;
A War these threaten, those a Peace maintain:
Tho' Lye they will, to give 'em all their due,
In Foreign matters, and Domestick too.
Whoe'er thou art that would'st a Postman write,
Enquire all day, and hearken all the night.
Sure, Gazetteers and Writers of Courants
Might soon exceed th' Intelligence of France:
To be out-done old England should refuse,
As in her Arms, so in her Publick News;
But Truth is scarce, the Scene of Action large,
And Correspondence an excessive Charge.