[37] There are who say, no Man can be a Wit
Unless for Newgate or for Bedlam fit;
Let Pamphleteers abusive Satyr write,
To shew a Genius is to shew a Spite:
That Author's Works will ne'er be reckon'd good
Who has not been where Curl the Printer [xxxix] stood.
[38] Alass Poor Me, you may my fortune guess:
I write, and yet Humanity profess;
(Tho' nothing can delight a modern Judge,
Without ill-nature and a private Grudge)
I love the King, the Queen, and Royal Race:
I like the Government, but want no Place:
Too low in Life to be a Justice I,
And for a Constable, thank God, too high;
Was never in a Plot, my Brain's not hurt;
I Politicks to Poetry convert.
[39] A Politician must (as I have read)
Be furnish'd, in the first place, with a Head:
A Head well fill'd with Machiavelian Brains,
And stuff'd with Precedents of former Reigns:
Must Journals read, and Magna Charta quote;
But acts still wiser, if he speaks by Note:
Learns well his Lesson, and ne'er fears mistakes:
For Ready Money Ready Speakers makes;
He must Instructions and Credentials draw,
Pay well the Army, and protect the Law:
Give to his Country what's his Country's due,
But first help Brothers, Sons, and Cousins too.
He must read Grotius upon War and Peace, [xl]
And the twelve Judges Salary encrease.
He must oblige old Friends and new Allies,
And find out Ways and Means for fresh Supplies.
He must the Weavers Grievances redress,
And Merchants wants in Merchants words express.
[40] Dramatick Poets that expect the Bays,
Should cull our Histories for Party Plays;
Wickfort's Embassador [xli] should fill their head,
And the State-Tryals carefully be read:
For what is Dryden's Muse and Otway's Plots
To th' Earl of Essex or the Queen of Scots? [xlii]
[41] 'Tis said that Queen Elizabeth could speak,
At twelve years old, right Attick full-mouth'd Greek;
Hence was the Student forc'd at Greek to drudge,
If he would be a Bishop, or a Judge.
Divines and Lawyers now don't think they thrive,
'Till promis'd places of men still alive:
How old is such an one in such a Post?
The answer is, he's seventy-five almost:
Th' Arch-Bishop, and the Master of the Rolls? [xliii]
Neither is young, and one's as old as Paul's.
Will Men, that ask such Questions, publish books
Like learned Hooker's or Chief Justice Cook's?
[42] On Tender Subjects with discretion touch,
And never say too little, or too much.
On Trivial Matters Flourishes are wrong,
Motions for Candles never should be long:
Or if you move, in case of sudden Rain,
To shut the Windows, speak distinct and plain.
Unless you talk good English downright Sense,
Can you be understood by Serjeant Spence? [xliv]
[43] New Stories always should with Truth agree
Or Truth's half-Sister, Probability:
Scarce could Toft's Rabbits [xlv] and pretended throws [xlvi]
On half the Honourable House impose.
[44] When Cato speaks, young Shallow runs away,
And swears it is so dull he cannot stay:
When Rakes begin on Blasphemy to border,
Bromley and Hanmer [xlvii] cry aloud—— To Order.
The point is this, with manly Sense and ease
T' inform the Judgment, and the Fancy please.
Praise it deserves, nor difficult the thing,
At once to serve one's Countrey and one's King.
Such Speeches bring the wealthy Tonson's gain, [xlviii] )
From Age to Age they minuted remain, )
As Precedents for George the twentieth's Reign. )
[45] Is there a Man on earth so perfect found,
Who ne'er mistook a word in Sense or Sound?
Not Blund'ring, but persisting is the fault;
No mortal Sin is Lapsus Linguæ thought:
Clerks may mistake; consid'ring who 'tis from,
I pardon little Slips in Cler. Dom. Com. [xlix]
But let me tell you I'll not take his part,
If ev'ry Thursday he date Die Mart. [l]
Of Sputt'ring mortals 'tis the fatal curse,
By mending Blunders still to make 'em worse.
Men sneer when—— gets a lucky Thought,
And stare if Wyndham [li] should be nodding caught.
But sleeping's what the wisest men may do,
Should the Committee chance to sit 'till Two.
[46] Not unlike Paintings, Principles appear,
Some best at distance, some when we are near.
The love of Politicks so vulgar's grown,
My Landlord's Party from his Sign is known:
Mark of French wine, see Ormond's Head appear,
While Marlb'rough's Face directs to Beer and Beer:
Some Buchanan's, the Pope's Head some like best,
The Devil Tavern is a standing jest.