“Very far from it, Sir John—I never was in better spirits, or had better prospects, in my life.”
I remembered the extraordinary manner in which the brigadier had saved Noah’s head, and was fully resolved not to be astonished at any manifestation of monikin ingenuity. Still I could not forbear demanding an explanation.
“Why, it may seem odd to you, Sir John, to find a politician, who is apparently in the depths of despair, really on the eve of a glorious preferment. Such, however, is in fact my case. In Leaplow, humility is everything. The monikin who will take care and repeat sufficiently often that he is just the poorest devil going, that he is absolutely unfit for even the meanest employment in the land, and in other respects ought to be hooted out of society, may very safely consider himself in a fair way to be elevated to some of the dignities he declares himself the least fitted to fill.”
“In such a case, all he will have to do then, will be to make his choice, and denounce himself loudest touching his especial disqualifications for that very station?”
“You are apt, Sir John, and would succeed, if you would only consent to remain among us!” said the judge, winking.
“I begin to see into your management—after all, you are neither miserable nor ashamed?”
“Not the least in the world. It is of more importance for monikins of my calibre to seem to be anything than to be it. My fellow-citizens are usually satisfied with this sacrifice; and, now principle is eclipsed, nothing is easier.”
“But how happens it, judge, that one of your surprising dexterity and agility should be caught tripping? I had thought you particularly expert, and infallible in all the gyrations. Perhaps the little affair of the cauda has leaked out?”
The judge laughed in my face.
“I see you know little of us, after all, Sir John. Here have we proscribed caudae, as anti-republican, both public opinions setting their faces against them; and yet a monikin may wear one abroad a mile long with impunity if he will just submit to a new dock when he comes home, and swear that he is the most miserable wretch going. If he can throw in a favorable word, too, touching the Leaplow cats and dogs—Lord bless you, sir! they would pardon treason!”