“As such an admission would be contrary to both fact and doctrine, I trust, my dear sir, you will see the utter impossibility of a Professor in the University of Leaphigh making the concession, even in this remote part of the world. As I was about to observe, the people began to betray uneasiness at the increasing and constant inclemency of the weather; and Mr. John Jaw found it necessary to stimulate their passions by a new development of his principles. His friends and partisans were all assembled in the great square of the new capital, and the following resolutions were, to use the language of a handbill that is still preserved in the archives of the Leaphigh Historical Society (for it would seem they were printed before they were passed), ‘unanimously, enthusiastically, and finally adopted,’ viz.:
“‘Resolved, That this meeting has the utmost contempt for steam.’”
“‘Resolved, That this meeting defies snow, and sterility, and all other natural disadvantages.’”
“‘Resolved, That we will live forever.’”
“‘Resolved, That we will henceforward go naked, as the most effectual means of setting the frost at defiance.’”
“‘Resolved, That we are now over the thinnest part of the earth’s crust in the polar regions.’”
“‘Resolved, That henceforth we will support no monikin for any public trust, who will not give a pledge to put out all his fires, and to dispense with cooking altogether.’”
“‘Resolved, That we are animated by the true spirit of patriotism, reason, good faith, and firmness.’”
“‘Resolved, That this meeting now adjourn sine die.’”
“We are told that the last resolution was just carried by acclamation, when nature arose in her might, and took ample vengeance for all her wrongs. The great boiler of the earth burst with a tremendous explosion, carrying away, as the thinnest part of the workmanship, not only Mr. John Jaw, and all his partisans, but forty thousand square miles of territory. The last that was seen of them was about thirty seconds after the occurrence of the explosion, when the whole mass disappeared near the northern horizon, going at a rate a little surpassing that of a cannon ball which has just left its gun.”