The Monikins

by James Fenimore Cooper

“King!” exclaimed Noah; “that is what we sailors call ‘to cut and run.’”

“Was nothing ever heard of Mr. Jaw and his companions, my good Doctor?”

“Nothing that could be depended on. Some of our naturalists assume that the monkeys which frequent the other parts of the earth are their descendants, who, stunned by the shock, have lost their reasoning powers, while, at the same time, they show glimmerings of their origin. This is, in truth, the better opinion of our savans; and it is usual with us, to distinguish all the human species of monkeys by the name of ‘the lost monikins.’ Since my captivity, chance has thrown me in the way of several of these animals, who were equally under the control of the cruel Savoyards; and in conversing with them, in order to inquire into their traditions and to trace the analogies of language, I have been led to think there is some foundation for the opinion. Of this, however, hereafter.”

“Pray, Dr. Reasono, what became of the forty thousand square miles of territory?”

“Of that we have a better account; for one of our vessels, which was far to the northward, on an exploring expedition, fell in with it in longitude 2 degrees from Leaphigh, latitude 6 degrees S., and by her means it was ascertained that divers islands had been already formed by falling fragments; and, judging by the direction of the main body when last seen, the fertility of that part of the world, and various geological proofs, we hold that the great western archipelago is the deposit of the remainder.”

“And the monikin region, sir—what was the consequence of this phenomenon to that part of the world?”

“Awful—sublime—various—and durable! The more important, or the personal consequences, shall be mentioned first. Fully one-third of the monikin species were scalded to death. A great many contracted asthmas and other diseases of the lungs, by inhaling steam. Most of the bridges were swept away by the sudden melting of the snows, and large stores of provisions were spoiled by the unexpected appearance and violent character of the thaw. These may be enumerated among the unpleasant consequences. Among the pleasant, we esteem a final and agreeable melioration of the climate, which regained most of its ancient character, and a rapid and distinct elongation of our caudtz, by a sudden acquisition of wisdom.

“The secondary, or the terrestrial consequences, were as follows:—By the suddenness and force with which so much steam rushed into space, finding its outlet several degrees from the pole, the earth was canted from its perpendicular attitude, and remained fixed, with its axis having an inclination of 23 degrees 27′ to the plane of its orbit. At the same time the orb began to move in vacuum, and, restrained by antagonistic attractions, to perform what is called its annual revolution.”

“I can very well understand, friend Reasono,” observed Noah, “why the ’arth should heel under so sudden a flaw, though a well-ballasted ship would right again when the puff was over; but I cannot understand how a little steam leaking out at one end of a craft should set her agoing at the rate we are told this world travels?”

“If the escape of the steam were constant, the diurnal motion giving it every moment a new position, the earth would not be propelled in its orbit, of a certainty, Captain Poke; but as, in fact, this escape of the steam has the character of pulsation, being periodical and regular, nature has ordained that it shall occur but once in the twenty-four hours, and this at such a time as to render its action uniform, and its impulsion always in the same direction. The principle on which the earth receives this impetus, can be easily illustrated by a familiar experiment. Take, for instance, a double-barrelled fowling-piece, load both barrels with extra quantities of powder, introduce a ball and two wads into each barrel, place the breech within 4 628/1000 inches of the abdomen, and take care to fire both barrels at once. In this case, the balls will give an example of the action of the forty thousand square miles of territory, and the person experimenting will not fail to imitate the impulsion, or the backward movement of the earth.”