Ten Years Among the Mail Bags / Or, Notes from the Diary of a Special Agent of the Post-Office Department

by James Holbrook

But the Government official who is sent to ascertain the truth in one of these post-office disputes, will sometimes find himself about as much embarrassed as have been his superiors, and unless he is well posted up in the shrewd dodges and ingenious appliances that he will have to encounter, will find it quite as troublesome to give an impartial and just recommendation. Decide satisfactorily he cannot of course, for those whose ends are not answered are not only sure to grumble, but to charge all sorts of unfairness upon him in conducting the investigation.

The town of M., situated somewhere East of a line drawn across the map, from New York city to Whitehall, N. Y., but out of the State of New York, was recently the scene of one of these hotly contested controversies; and it is proposed to give an outline of the investigation, as it stands sketched among the author's official notes, under the head of a "Hard Case," with, of course, some additional comments and illustrations.

In extent of territory, the town referred to is about six miles square, and contains three small villages, one comparatively new, having sprung up at the rail road depôt near the West line of the town. The second, about two miles to the Eastward of this; and the third, about two miles still further to the East.

Village number two, in the order in which they have just been mentioned, had for many years been the site of the only post-office in the town, and continued in the uninterrupted enjoyment of this monopoly until the office became vacant by the death of the post master. This was the signal for a movement for some time privately contemplated and discussed within a limited circle composed of a few of the knowing ones residing in villages numbers one and three, which movement involved nothing less than the establishment of a post-office at each of those points, and the abolishment of the old established one at village number two.

A petition to that effect was hastily drawn up and circulated chiefly among those whose interests in the plan sought, would be apt to secure secrecy, due care being taken to say quite as much in favor of the new sites and against the old one, as the facts in the case would warrant. This petition was dispatched to Washington in charge of an influential person, whose hot haste for immediate action was rendered tolerably reasonable by the fact, that the decease of the post master left the community without any appointed guardian of its postal interests.

A fair case having been made out according to the meagre information before the Department, and the aforesaid bearer of dispatches not hesitating to supply verbally what seemed to be lacking in other forms, with one fell swoop of the pen of the Post Master General, the glory departed from village number two to its more fortunate rivals, numbers one and three; and by the same trifling operation, two very competent and suitable individuals were promoted from the condition of private and unassuming citizenship, to the dignity and responsibilities of deputy post masters of the United States of America!

When the news of this sad calamity reached the staid and peaceable villagers, who had thus been unexpectedly deprived of their ancient postal privileges, rest assured it was no favorable time for the organization of a Peace Society! Such oil would not still these waves! Their late beloved and popular post master had become a "dead letter," though properly "addressed," as was fondly hoped, by the heavenly "Messengers" who beckoned him away from other duties, to "wrap" and "box up"—and now even the post-office itself had been prematurely "taken away" also.

Not many suns had risen and set, however, before the other side of the picture was prepared and presented at Washington, and now the ball had fairly opened, with the orchestra in full blast. A formidable remonstrance had received the signatures of all the "legal voters," and, as was charged on the other side, of many whose elective rights were not so easily settled.

The customary accusations of unfairness, improper influence, stealing a march, downright misrepresentations, &c., were called in requisition to show the Department that this "outrage" on the citizens was unwarrantable; and the important trust of conveying this evidence to the seat of Government, fell to the lot of a certain gentleman well known among political circles in that section of the country, and supposed to possess a fair share of influence with the appointing power. He repaired to Washington, made his first call at the White House, and labored hard to enlist the feelings of the Chief Executive in the case, but a few words from that distinguished official were sufficient to show that such interference in a comparatively unimportant matter could not reasonably be expected of him.