When a Man becomes Father of a Family, he usually applies the Boys, as soon as he deems them of an Age for it, to School Learning; different according to the Rank he bears in Life: while the Girls, by a shameful Indolence or Contempt, are often neglected in this Particular, and suffered to become alternate Plagues and Play-things at home: at least with strictest Truth we may say, too little Care is taken to form either the Mind or Heart of these to any great Advantage. The Boys, if dull, return Blockheads, and so remain; if smart, grow boisterous, audacious, conceited, and ungovernable; tyrannical to their Sisters; disobedient to their Mother; and scarce are awed by their Father’s severer Brow. The Girls remain uncultivated in almost every thing but Vanity and a Love of fine Cloaths. Indeed they can work a little, (and perhaps but little) or they can dance, and so they ought; but shall scarcely be able to spell a Word right beyond a Monosyllable; or write the Direction on a Letter with any Propriety. Is it an Exaggeration to say this is the usual Education till fourteen? Surely Experience convinces us it is not; and tho’ some Exceptions may doubtless be found, yet they are few in Comparison with the whole.
Now let me ask the Parents of such Children, what real Comfort do they find in them? Do they not often with Sorrow, nay almost with bleeding Hearts, see them running counter to their Expectations and Wishes? Do they not daily see, and must they not therefore daily lament (unless they are self-blind) that all their other Profusion of Kindness so lavishly poured on their Children, yields neither Profit to them, nor Comfort to themselves? And whence the Cause of all this Disappointment? Alas! ’tis too visible, too apparent! It arises from a Neglect, or at least an Abuse of that early Authority they ought to exercise over them: from a Neglect, in not correcting in time their Irregularities and Humours; from an Abuse, in correcting them without Judgment and Discretion. Nor does this happen to People in inferior Stations only; no, ’tis every Day to be met with, not merely from the Peasant to the Tradesman, but from the Tradesman to the Nobleman; and even among those of the finest Understanding. But whence the Cause of this strange Misconduct and Omission? It springs, as I take it, from Ignorance, or Inconsiderateness, or Partiality, or Passion, or from all together; but the most frequently of any, from false Tenderness, and blind Indulgence.
Every Man has his own way of judging, and generally abides by it right or wrong. I knew a Gentleman of refined Understanding, who frequently forfeited it, by a boundless injudicious Fondness for his Children. He would say to his little Boy at Table, Well, my Dear, what shall I help you to? The Child, accustomed to have his own Will, unskilled to make a proper Choice, and following the Gratification of his depraved Palate, was sure to choose the most unfit Dish, by choosing the richest, because the most savory. The Father indeed would fain set him right, by recommending some simpler Food; No, my Dear, he’d say, have some Mutton, Mutton is best for you; and so of any other plain wholsome Dish; but this Advice proves too late, after having set him wrong; nor would he eat a Morsel of any thing but what he himself approved of. The same Gentleman, as a Proof of his Sense, took abundance of Pains to inculcate strict Notions of Honour to his Children, tho’ he often degraded that Sense in the Application of them. One Day, at the beginning of the Week, he says to his Son, My Dear, I know you are a Man of Honour, and what you once promise you’ll punctually perform; you are one Day this Week to take Physic; tell me then, what Day will you fix on? The Boy pauses a little, and replies, Saturday, Sir. Oh! fye my Dear, says the Father, why stay ’till Saturday? why not take it to-morrow, or next Day? No Sir, replies the Boy, with an unbecoming Pertness, I’m upon Honour; the Choice of the Day was left to me, and I’ll not take it before. What an amazing Inversion of Ideas! Honour with Disobedience! Who in this Case could be said to hold the Reins of Government, the Parent or the Child?
Thus too does many an affectionate and even sensible Mother both see and feel in a Daughter, whom Nature perhaps has endowed with all that might make her sweet and amiable, an Untractableness she knows not how to account for. But tho’ it is her own Mismanagement, or rather no Management at all, which makes the Girl’s Desires irregular and inordinate, still the fond Parent remains blind to the Cause. If Miss knows Mamma is to go out without her, she’ll eat no Dinner; if the Dress of the Day is not to her Fancy, she is sure to remain sullen ’till Night; and if an accidental Difference is made to a Sister, or any other of her own Age, she shall redden, and swell, and pout, and fret, ’till she has fretted her Mamma sick, to see her untoward Behaviour; and possibly fretted herself sick too. ’Tis easy to discern the Principles she acts upon; they are Self-will, Vanity, and the Love of Pleasure, which she has been used to be indulged in. No wonder then, that when these are not gratified she is miserable; and while they are, is it likely that she can long be happy?
There ought to be made a considerable Difference between the Children of inferior People, and those of Rank, with regard to their Tuition; nothing is more reasonable; since the latter have innumerable Advantages over, and are to move in a very different Sphere from the former. Still the Mistakes in all are too often essentially the same; and only conceal’d or varnish’d over by the external Education. Now, what I contend for is, that Parents of all Ranks have the Power, and are equally bound in Duty, to be themselves the Teachers of their Children, with regard to that Self-Knowledge, and the genuine Docility arising from it, which are necessary to conduct them thro’ Life with Ease and Benefit to themselves, with Honour and Pleasure to their Parents, and with universal Advantage to Society in general. I say again, that all Parents have the Power of answering this Obligation in great measure; but those of Rank, Fortune, and Education, have it in an eminent Degree; and are therefore utterly inexcusable, when they give into that gross Neglect of it; which we daily see, even in the second and more improveable Stage of human Life.
Tho’ it is allow’d by all, that Children, long before they attain the Age of fourteen, are in general capable of receiving very advantageous Impressions, and are full as susceptible of the reverse; yet ’tis pretty evident, that much the Majority to that Period, gain few or no good ones; and I wish it were not as evident, that their principal Stock are of the bad Kind. But let us proceed to consider them in the third Septenary, which brings them to the Age of twenty-one; the Period which generally closes our Obligations to them; shuts out in great measure our Power over them; and sets them loose on the great Stage of the World, every one to act their Part just as we have taught them. If well, great is our Honour, great must be our Comfort; and great and lasting is their Happiness likely to prove, to themselves, and to Posterity. If ill, no matter what their Station is, they disgrace it; and the Disgrace with double Force is reflected back on ourselves.
’Tis a well-known Maxim, that the first Impressions strike the deepest. Thus, a Boy, who before fourteen has never been convinced that it was necessary for him to obey, will afterwards laugh at it as ridiculous; and if his first Lessons were Pride and Pleasure, the only Use he will make of his Understanding when more at large, will be to study to continue in the Pursuit and Augmentation of those his favourite Objects.
Whether we consider the Heir of a Family at the University, or his younger Brother in a Merchant’s Compting-house; whether we consider a young Stripling destin’d to the Law, to Physic, or view him behind a Counter; we cannot make a true Use of our Eyes, without seeing innumerable Disorders during this third Stage of Life. For tho’ heretofore he has been treated as a Child or School-boy, he will now pretend to judge for himself; and as his Reason is weak, and his Passions strong, that will slavishly run in pursuit of every thing which will promote the Gratification of these. I have already observed, that the only Use he will make of his Understanding, will be to abuse it. For Example, he wants fine Cloaths, such, perhaps, as are very unbecoming his Station; he wants two or three Suits, where one ought to serve; he wants an encrease of Pocket-money, far beyond a reasonable Allowance, and often beyond what his Father can afford; or finally, he has some more vicious End in view. Now without once employing his Reason, or reflecting how much he has abused the Indulgence of his Parents, his Passions urge him on to effect whatever they suggest. To gain his Point then, with Address and Cunning he applies to his Mother; whose blind Fondness for her Boy, will not let the Father rest, till his prodigal Humour is gratify’d. The Father, as a good one, shall argue the Case. “What, my Dear, can I do with this extravagant Boy? I have spar’d no Pains nor Expence in his Education, because on that I grounded all my Hopes of his future good Conduct and Prosperity; he don’t want Sense, and has improv’d pretty well in his Learning: if not quite so well as perhaps he might have done with a little more Application, yet allowing for the natural Thoughtlessness of his Age, at least well enough to know how to act better. Still I see little Prospect of Comfort from him; because I see no Dispositions in him but to Idleness, Folly and Extravagance. In short, if he goes on thus, what better can I expect than to see him daily plunge deeper and deeper into Extravagance and Vice: and what must the Consequence be but irrecoverable Destruction? Shall I then by continuing to humour him hurry on his Ruin, perhaps in my own and yours?” But the fond Mother still persuading him that every present Folly is to be the last, urges her Suit; and enforcing all that Influence which in an amiable Woman seldom fails to succeed with an indulgent Husband and doating Father, is almost always sure to carry her Point. Is not this the Situation of many a Parent? Is not this the reigning Practice of many a Son? Of too many indeed!—The Father here describ’d is such a one as most Men will acknowledge to be a tender one; and some will be apt to think a discreet one; in allowing for the Inconsiderateness of his Age, weighing like a prudent Man his real Good, and generously resolving to furnish him with every reasonable Means of being wise and happy: still is he disappointed; and still are his Expectations frustrated. But need we ask the Cause? Surely it is too plain. More Pains have been taken to pamper and humour him, than to make it unnecessary to do either: more Time and Care have been employ’d to furnish his Head, with perhaps merely ornamental Knowledge, than to correct and enrich his Heart with such Sentiments as might improve his Manners. Can we then wonder that he precipitates into Ruin? No surely; we may rather wonder if he escapes it. But admitting that Fortune still favours him, and that he keeps up his Dignity and Reputation; how does he possess his own Mind, as a rational Creature, or a Brute? Does he act so as to deserve the Esteem of Mankind? If not, Life is not worth enjoying.
Let us now view the fairer part of our Species; those tender Branches our Daughters. They (thank Heaven) are not naturally so liable to Vices and Extravagancies as our Sons; but I wish I could say they were all as good as they are capable of being made; as amiable in their interior Sentiments, as their Forms might make us hope to see them. But alas! too often those choicest Charms of our Eyes are the chief Plagues of our Hearts; and it is we ourselves are the principal Causes, that they whom Nature seem’d to have form’d to be our principal Comforts, should thro’ our Mismanagement become the Disturbers of the Peace of us their Parents, and of their own Happiness.