De. He is the ornament of your bloud Madam,
I am much bound to his Lordship. Are. He gives you
A noble character. De. Tis his goodnesse Madam.
Are. I wanted such an engine, my Lord has
Done me a curtesie to disclose her nature,
I now know one to trust, and will employ her.
Touching my Lord, for reasons, which I shall
Offer to your Ladiship hereafter, I
Desire you would be silent, but to shew
How much I dare be confident in your secrecie,
I powre my bosome forth, I love a gentleman
On whom there woo'not meet much conjuration
To meet—your eare—
De. I apprehend you, and I shall
Be happy to be serviceable, I am sorry
Your Ladiship did not know me before now,
I have done offices, and not a few
Of the nobilitie, but have done feates
Within my house, which is convenient
for situation, and artfull chambers,
And pretty pictures to provoke the fancie.
Enter Littleworth.
Lit. Madam all pleasures languish in your absence.
Are. Your pardon a few minutes sir——you must
Contrive it thus. Lit. I attend, and shall account it
Honour to waite on your returne. Are. He must not
Have the least knowledge of my name, or person.
De. I have practisd that already for some great ones,
And dare agen to satisfie you Madam;
I have a thousand wayes to doe sweet offices.
Lit. If this Lady Aretina should be honest,
I ha lost time, shee's free as aire, J must
Have closer conference, and if I have art,
Make her affect me in revenge. De. This evening?
Leave me to manage things. Are. You will oblige me.
De. You shall commend my art, and thanke me after. Ex.
Are. I hope the revells are maintained within.
Lit. By sir Thomas and his Mistris. Are. How? his Mistris.
Lit. The Lady Celestina, I nere saw
Eyes shoote more amorous enterchange. Are. Ist so?
Lit. He weares her favor with ore pride. Ar. Her favor?
Lit. A feather that he ravish'd from her fan.
Lit. And is so full of courtship, which she smiles on.
Are. Tis well. Lit. And praises her beyond all poetry.
Are. I'me glad he has so much wit. Lit. Not jealous!
Are. This secures me, what would make other Ladies pale
With jealousie, gives but a licence to my wandrings,
Let him now taxe me if he dare——and yet
Her beauti's worth my envie, and I wish
Revenge upon it, not because he loves,
But that it shines above my owne. Enter Alex.
Al. Deare Madam.
Are. I have it, you two gentlemen professe
Much service to me, if I have a way
To employ your wit and secrecie. Both. You'le honour us.
Are. You gave a high and worthy character
Of Celestina. Alex. I remember Madam.
Are. Doe either of you love her? Alex. Not I Madam.
Lit. I wod not, if I might. Are. Shee's now my guest,
And by a tricke invited by my husband
To disgrace me, you gentlemen are held
Wits of the towne, the Consulls that doe governe
The Senate here, whose jeeres are all authenticke,
The Tavernes and the Ordinaries are
Made academies where you come, and all
Your sinnes and surfets made the times example,
Your very nods can quell a Theater,
No speech or Poem good without your seale,
You can protect scurrility, and publish
By your authority beleev'd, no rapture
Ought to have honest meaning. Alex. Leave our characters.
Lit. And name the emploiment. Are. You must exercise
The strength of both your wits upon this Lady,
And talke her into humblenesse or anger
Both which are equall to my thought, if you
Dare undertake this slight thing for my sake,
My favour shall reward it, but be faithfull,
And seeme to let all spring from your owne freedome.
Ale. This all? We can defame her, if you please
My friend shall call her whore or any thing,
And never be endangerd to a duell. Are. How's that?
Al. He can endure a cudgelling, and no man
Will fight after so faire a satisfaction,
But leave us to our Art, and doe not limit us.
Are. They are here, begin not till I whisper you.
Enter Sir Thomas, Celestina, Marcana, Isabella.
Ar. Je vous prie Madam d'excuser l'importunitè de mes affaires
Qui m'ont fait offenser, par mon absence, une dame de la quelle
I'ay receu tant d'obligation.
Cel. Pardonnez moy Madame; vous me faictez trop d'hónneur.
Are. C'est bien de la douceur de vostre naturel que vous tenez
Ceste language; mais j'espere que mon mary n'a pas
Manquè de vous entretenir en mon absence.
Ce. En verité Monsieur nous a fort obligè.
Are. Il eut trop failly, s'il n'eust tasché de tout son pouvoir
à vous rendre toutes fortes de services.
Cel. C'est de sa bontè qu'il nous a tant favorisè.
Ar. De la vostre plustost Madame que vous fait donner
D'interpretation si benigne à ses efforts.
Cel. Ie voy bien que la victoire sera toutsjours à Madame, & de
language, & de la courtesie.
Are. Vrayement Madame, que jamais personne a plus desirè,
L'honneur de vostre compagnie, que moy.
Cel. Laissans en je vous supplie, des compliments & permettoz
à vostre servante de vous baiser les mains.
Are. Vous m'obligez trop.
Bo. I have no more patience, lets be merry agen
In our owne language, Madam our mirth cooles,
Our Nephew! Enter Fredericke.
Are. Passion of my braine.
Fre. Save you gentlemen, save you Ladies. Are. I am undone.
Fre. I must salute, no matter at which end I begin.
Are. There's a complement.
Cel. Is this your nephew Madam?
Are. Ie vous prie Madame d'excuser les habitz, & le rude
Comportement de mon cousin. Il est tout fraichement
Venu de l'universitè, ou on l'a tout gastè.
Cel. Excusez moy Madam, il est bien accomply.
Fre. This language should be French, by the motions
Of your heads, and the mirth of your faces. Are. I am dishonor'd.
Fre. Tis one of the finest tongues for Ladies to shew their
Teeth in, If you'le Latine I am for you, or Greek it,
My tailor has not put me into French yet,
Mille basia, basia mille.
Cel. Ie ne vous entende pas monsieur,
I understand you not sir. Fre. Why so?
You and I then shall be in charity,
For though we should be abusive, we ha the benefit
Not to understand one another: where's my Aunt?
I did heare musicke somewhere, and my braines
Tun'd with a bottle of your capering claret
Made haste to shew their dancing. Lit. Please you Madam,
They are very comfortable. St. Alas Madam
How would you have me helpe it, I did use
All meanes I could, after he heard the musicke,
To make him drunke in hope so to containe him,
But the wine made him lighter, and his head
Flew hi'ther, ere I mist his heeles.
Ale. Nay he spoke Latine to the Lady.
Are. Oh most unpardonable! get him off
Quickly, and discreetely, or if I live——
St. Tis not in my power, he sweares I am
An absurd sober fellow, and if you keepe
A servant in his house to crosse his humour,
When the rich sword and belt comes home, hee'le kill him.
Are. What shall I doe? Try your skill, Master Littleworth.
Lit. He has ne're a sword, sweet Mr. Fredericke.
Bo. Tis pitty Madam such a syen should
Be lost, but you are clouded. Cel. Not I sir,
I never found my selfe more cleare at heart.
Bo. I could play with a feather, your fan Lady,
Gentlemen, Aretina, ta ra ra ra, come Madam.
Fre. Why my good tutor in election?
You might have beene a scholler. Lit. But I thanke
My friends they brought me up a little better,
Give me the towne wits, that deliver jeasts
Cleane from the bow, that whistle in the aire,
And cleave the pin at twelvescore, Ladies doe
But laugh at a gentleman that has any learning.
Tis sinne enough to have your clothes suspected,
Leave us, and I will find a time to instruct you;
Come here are sugar plumbes, tis a good Fredericke.
Fre. Why is not this my Aunts house in the strand?
The noble Rendevous? Who laughes at me?
Go, I will foot here, if I list, and talke
Of Retoricke, Logicke, Latine, Greeke, or any thing,
And understand em too, who sayes the contrary?
Yet in a faire way I contemne all learning,
And will be as ignorant as he, or he,
Or any taffata, satten, scarlet, plush,
Tissue, or cloath, a bodkin gentleman,
Whose manners are most gloriously infected;
Did you laugh at me Lady? Cel. Not I sir?
But if I did shew mirth upon your question,
I hope you wod not beate me little gentleman.
Fr. How little gentleman? you dare not say
These words to my new cloathes, and fighting sword.
Are. Nephew Fredricke! Fr. Little gentleman,
This an affront both to my bloud and person,
I am a gentleman of as tall a birth
As any boast nobility, though my clothes
Smell o'the lampe, my coate is honourable,
Right honourable, full, of or, and argent,
A little gentleman! Bor. Coze you must be patient,
My Lady meant you no dishonour, and
You must remember shee's a woman.
Fre. Is she a woman, thats another matter,
Dee heare, my uncle tells me what you are.
Cel. So sir. Fr. You cald me little gentleman. Cel. I did sir.
Fre. A little pinke has made a lusty ship
Strike her topsaile, the Crow may beard the Elephant,
A whelpe may tame the Tiger, spight of all
False decks and murderers, and a little gentleman
Be hard enough to grapple with your Ladiship
Top and top gallant; will you goe drinke uncle?
Tother inchanted bottle, you and I
Will tiple, and talke phylosophy.
Bo. Come Nephew,
You will excuse a minutes absence Madam.
Waite you on us. St. My duty sir.
Are. Now gentlemen. Ex. all but Cel. & Alex. & Little.
Alex. Madam I had rather you accuse my language
For speaking truth, then vertue suffer in
My further silence, and it is my wonder
That you, whose noble carriage hath deserv'd
All honour, and opinion should now
Be guilty of ill manners. Cel. What was that
You told me sir? Lit. Doe you not blush Madam?
To aske that question. Cel. You amaze rather
My cheeke to palenesse, what you meane by this?
I am not troubled with the hickup gentlemen,
You should bestow this fright upon me. Lit. Then
Pride and ill memory goe together. Cel. How sir?
Al. The gentleman on whom you exercise
Your thin wit, was a nephew to the Lady
Whose guest you are, and though her modesty
Looke calme on the abuse of one so neare
Her bloud, the affront was impious. Lit. I am asham'd on't,
You an ingenious Lady, and well mannerd?
Ile teach a Beare as much civility.
Cel. You may be master of the Colledge sir
For ought I know. Lit. What Colledge? Of the Beares.
Cel. Have you a plot upon me? Dee possesse
Your wits, or know me gentlemen. Enter Bornewell.
Bor. How's this?
Al. Know you? yes we doe know you to an atome.
Li. Madam we know, what stuffe your soule is made on.
Cel. But doe not barke so like a mastive, pray,
Sure they are mad, let your braines stand awhile
And settle gentlemen, you know not me,
What am I? Lit. Tha'rt a puppet, a thing made
Of clothes and painting, and not halfe so hansome
As that which plaid Susanna in the faire.
Cel. I heard you visited those canvas tragedies,
One of their constant audience, and so taken
With Susan, that you wish'd your selfe a rivall
With the two wicked elders. Al. You thinke this
Is wit now, come you are— Cel. What I beseech you?
Your character will be full of salt and satyre,
No doubt, what am I? Al. Why you are a woman.
Cel. And that's at least a bow wide of you knowledge.
Al. Wo'd be thought hansome, and might passe i'th country
Vpon a market day, but miserably
Forfeit to pride and fashions, that if heaven
Were a new gowne, you'd not stay in't a fortnight.
Cel. It must be miserably out of fashion then,
Have I no sinne but pride? Al. Hast any vertue?
Or but a good face to excuse that want?
Cel. You prais'd it yesterday. Al. That made you proud.
Cel. More pride? Al. You neede not to close up the praise,
I have seene a better countenance in a Sibill.
Cel. When you wore spectacles of sacke, mistooke
The painted cloath, and kist it for your mistresse.
Al. Let me aske you a question, how much
Have you consum'd in expectation
That I would love you. Cel. Why? I thinke as much
As you have paid away in honest debts
This seven yeare, tis a pretty impudence,
But cannot make me angry. Lit. Is there any
Man that will cast away his limbes upon her?
Al. You doe not sing so well as I imagind,
Nor dance, you reele in your coranto, and pinch
Your petticoate too hard, y'ave no good eare
Toth' musicke, and incline too much one shoulder,
As you were dancing on the rope, and falling,
You speake abominable French, and make
A courtsey like a Dairie maide, not mad?
Lit. Doe we not sting her hansomely. Bor. A conspiracie.
Al. Your state is not so much as tis reported
When you conferre notes, all your husbands debts
And your owne reconcild——but thats not it
Will so much spoile your marriage. Cel. As what sir?
Let me know all my faults. Al. Some men doe whisper
You are not over honest. Cel. All this shall not
Move me to more than laughter, and some pittie,
Because you have the shapes of gentlemen,
And though you have beene insolent upon me,
I will engage no friend to kicke or cudgell you
To spoile your living, and your limbes together,
I leave that to diseases that offend you,
And spare my curse, poore silken Vermine, and
Hereafter shall distinguish Men from Monkies.
Bo. Brave soule, you brace of horseleaches, I have heard
Their barbarous language Madam, ya're too mercifull,
They shall be silent to your tongue, pray punish e'm.
Cel. They are things not worth my character, nor mention
Of any cleane breath, so lost in honesty
They cannot satisfie for wrongs enough,
Though they should steale out of the world at Tiburne.
Lit. We are hang'd already.
Cel. Yet I will talke a little to the pilchards,
You two that have not twixt you both the hundred
Part of a soule, course woollen witted fellowes,
Without a nap, with bodies made for burdens,
You that are onely stuffings for apparrell
As you were made but engines for your Taylors
To frame their clothes upon, and get them custome;
Vntill men see you moove, yet, then you dare not
Out of your guilt of being the ignobler beast
But give a horse the wall, whom you excell
Onely in dancing of the brawles, because
The horse was not taught the French way, your two faces,
One fat like Christmas, tother leane like Candlemas,
And Prologue to a Lent, both bound together
Would figure Ianus, and doe many cures
On Agues and the greene disease by frighting,
But neither can with all the characters
And conjuring circles charme a woman, though
Sha'd fourescore yeares upon her, and but one
Tooth in her head, to love, or thinke well of you;
And I were miserable, to be at cost
To court such a complexion, as your malice
Did impudently insinuate, but I waste time
And staine my breath in talking to such tadpoles.
Goe home and wash your tongues in Barly water,
Drinke cleane Tobacco, be not hot i'th mouth,
And you may scape the Beadle; so I leave you
To shame and your owne garters. Sir I must
Entreate you for my honour doe not pennance em,
They are not worth your anger, how I shall
Acquit your Ladies silence.
Bo. Madam, I
Am sorry to suspect, and dare revenge.
Cel. No cause of mine. Bor. It must become me to attend you home.
Cel. You are noble—farewell Mushroomes.
Are. Is she gone. Li. I thinke we peperd her.
Al. I am glad tis over,
But I repent no service for you Madam.
Enter servant with a letter.
To me? from whence—a Iewell a good preface,
Be happy the conclusion.
Are. Some love letter——He smiles upont.
Lit. He has a hundred Mistresses, you may
Be charitable Madam I ha none,
He surfets, and I fall away i'th kidnyes.
Al. Ile meete,
Tis some great Lady questionlesse, that has
Taken notice, and would satisfie her appetite.
Are. Now Mr. Alexander, you looke bright o the suddaine,
Another spirit's in your eye.
Al. Not mine Madam,
Onely a summons to meete a friend.
Ar. What friend? Lit. By this Jewell, I know her not!
Ar. Tis a she friend, Ile follow gentlemen,
We may have a game at Sant before you goe.
Al. I shall attend you Madam. Li. Tis our duty.
Are. I blush while I converse with my owne thoughts,
Some strange fate governes me, but I must on,
The wayes are cast already, and we thrive
When our sinne feares no eye nor perspective. Exit.
[The fourth Act.]
Enter two men leading Alexander, blinded, and goe off suddenly.