The Chronicles of Aunt Minervy Ann

by Joel Chandler Harris

“Well, suh, it’s de Lord’s trufe, I wuz dat mad I dunner what I say, an’ I want keerin’ nudder, bekaze I know how we had ter pinch an’ squeeze fer ter git ’long in dis house. But I went ’bout gittin’ supper, an’ bimeby, Hamp, he come, an’ I tol’ ’im ’bout de ol’ bob-tail hoss, an’ he went out an’ look at ’im. Atter while, here he come back laughin’. I say, ‘You well ter laugh at dat ol’ hoss.’ He ’low, ‘I ain’t laughin’ at de hoss. I’m laughin’ at you. Gal, dat de finest hoss what ever put foot on de groun’ in dis town. Dat’s Marse Paul Conant’s trottin’ hoss. He’ll fetch fi’ hunder’d dollars any day. What he doin’ here?’ I up an’ tol’ ’im all I know’d, an’ he shuck his head; he ’low, ‘Gal, you lay low. Dey’s sump’n n’er behime all dat.’

“What Hamp say sorter make me put on my studyin’-cap; but when you come ter look at it, suh, dey wan’t nothin’ ’tall fer me ter study ’bout. All I had ter do wuz ter try ter fin’ out what wuz behime it, an’ let it go at dat. When Marse Tumlin come home ter supper, I know’d sump’n wuz de matter wid ’im. I know’d it by his looks, suh. It’s sorter wid folks like ’tis wid chillun. Ef you keer sump’n ’bout um you’ll watch der motions, and ef you watch der motions dey don’t hatter tell you when sump’n de matter. He come in so easy, suh, dat Miss Vallie ain’t hear ’im, but I hear de do’ screak, an’ I know’d ’twuz him. We wuz talkin’ an’ gwine on at a mighty rate, an’ I know’d he done stop ter lisn’.

“Miss Vallie, she ’low she ’speck somebody made ’im a present er dem ar things. I say, ‘Uh-uh, honey! don’t you fool yo’se’f. Nobody ain’t gwine ter do dat. Our folks ain’t no mo’ like dey useter wuz, dan crabapples is like plums. Dey done come ter dat pass dat whatsomever dey gits der han’s on dey ’fuse ter turn it loose. All un um, ’cep’ Marse Tumlin Perdue. Dey ain’t no tellin’ what he gun fer all dat trash. Trash! Hit’s wuss’n trash! I wish you’d go out dar an’ look at dat ol’ bob-tail hoss. Why dat ol’ hoss wuz stove up long ’fo’ de war. By rights he ought ter be in de bone-yard dis ve’y minnit. He won’t be here two whole days ’fo’ you’ll see de buzzards lined up out dar on de back fence waitin’, an’ dey won’t hatter wait long nudder. Ef dey sen’ any corn here fer ter feed dat bag er bones wid, I’ll parch it an’ eat it myse’f ’fo’ he shill have it. Ef anybody ’speck I’m gwine ter ’ten’ ter dat ol’ frame, deyer ’speckin’ wid de wrong specks. I tell you dat right now.’

“All dis time Marse Tumlin wuz stan’in’ out in de hall lis’nin’. Miss Vallie talk mighty sweet ’bout it. She say, ‘Ef dey ain’t nobody else ter ’ten’ de hoss, reckin I kin do it.’ I ’low, ‘My life er me, honey! de nex’ news you know you’ll be hirin’ out ter de liberty stable.’

“Well, suh, my talk ’gun ter git so hot dat Marse Tumlin des had ter make a fuss. He fumbled wid de do’ knob, an’ den come walkin’ down de hall, an’ by dat time I wuz in de dinin’-room. I walk mighty light, bekaze ef he say anything I want ter hear it. You can’t call it eave-drappin’, suh; hit look ter me dat ’twuz ez much my business ez ’twuz dern, an’ I ain’t never got dat idee out’n my head down ter dis day.

“But Marse Tumlin ain’t say nothin’, ’cep’ fer ter ax Miss Vallie ef she feelin’ well, an’ how eve’ything wuz, but de minnit I hear ’im open his mouf I know’d he had trouble on his min’. I can’t tell you how I know’d it, suh, but dar ’twuz. Look like he tried to hide it, bekaze he tol’ a whole lot of funny tales ’bout folks, an’ ’twan’t long befo’ he had Miss Vallie laughin’ fit ter kill. But he ain’t fool me, suh.

“Bimeby, Miss Vallie, she come in de dinin’-room fer ter look atter settin’ de table, bekaze fum a little gal she allers like ter have de dishes fix des so. She wuz sorter hummin’ a chune, like she ain’t want’ ter talk, but I ain’t let dat stan’ in my way.

“I ’low, ‘I wish eve’ybody wuz like dat Mr. Paul Conant. I bet you right now he been down town dar all day makin’ money han’ over fist, des ez fast ez he can rake it in. I know it, kaze I does his washin’ and cleans up his room fer ’im.’

“Miss Vallie say, ‘Well, what uv it? Money don’t make ’im no better’n anybody else.’ I ’low, ‘Hit don’t make ’im no wuss; an’ den, ’sides dat, he ain’t gwine ter let nobody swindle ’im.’

“By dat time, I hatter go out an’ fetch supper in, an’ ’tain’t take me no time, bekaze I wuz des’ achin’ fer ter hear how Marse Tumlin come by dem ar contraptions an’ contrivances. An’ I stayed in dar ter wait on de table, which it ain’t need no waitin’ on.