2796. Betrothal or Engagement.—Engagement is a promise of their future marriage made by competent persons.
(a) It is a promise, either unilateral or bilateral, the latter being espousals or betrothal in the strict sense of the word (1749). Like every promise, engagement is not binding unless it be made with requisite deliberation and freedom from force and fear. But a valid engagement to marry has not the same strength, either from divine or from human law, as a contract of marriage, and hence fraud or light fear unjustly produced and which induces one to become engaged leaves the engagement rescindable at the will of the innocent party. Canon Law requires certain formalities for a valid engagement, and without them there is no obligation in either forum. The law is that the contract of betrothal be in writing, and be signed by the parties and also by the pastor or local Ordinary or two witnesses, and that, if one or both of the parties be unable to write, this be noted in the document and an extra witness be added (Canon 1017).
(b) It is a promise made by competent persons. Hence, there is no valid engagement if a party is incapable either naturally (e.g., one who has not the use of reason) or canonically (e.g., one who has not attained the age of seven years). It is against good morals to be engaged to two persons at the same time, with the understanding that one will marry the second after the expected death of the first; and much more is it immoral for a married person to become engaged to marry another, the marriage to take place after the death of the present consort. Some canonists hold that engagements are not valid before the age of puberty, on account of the lack of sufficient discretion.
(c) It is a promise of future marriage, that is, a contract to marry, not a contract of marriage. A nuptial engagement is invalid if the marriage promised is invalid or unlawful, for no one can bind himself to sin. An invalid marriage is promised if there is a diriment and not dispensable impediment in the way, or if in spite of a removable impediment the engagement is unconditional, unless the mind of the parties is to marry after the impediment has ceased. The Church seems to regard as null an engagement made on the condition that the Pope will dispense an impediment. An unlawful marriage is promised when the parties cannot marry without sin (e.g., when the marriage will bring great sorrow or disgrace on parents), or when they promise to marry in a sinful way (e.g., with the understanding that they will abuse marriage). But an unlawful promise of a lawful marriage is not necessarily invalid, and hence an engagement dependent on an immoral condition not opposed to the substance of marriage would become obligatory on fulfillment of the condition (see 1878 d, 1886).
2797. It should be noted that the former diriment and impedient impediments produced by espousals are no longer in force, and even a valid engagement gives no right to an action for the celebration of marriage.
2798. Is an Engagement Necessary before Marriage?—(a) An engagement is not strictly necessary. Neither the validity nor the lawfulness of marriage depends on espousals, for there is no law that requires this. Hence, if for a reasonable cause a man and woman married without any previous binding pledge on either side, the marriage would be good and lawful. The formal engagements of Canon Law are not common in this country, but an informal engagement usually precedes matrimony.
(b) Engagement is most suitable and useful. Men are accustomed to fit themselves by long and serious study for the business of a profession or calling, and to enter into preliminary agreements about contracts of major importance (as in contracts to sell), and certainly marriage, a contract and vocation that binds until death and upon which the spiritual and temporal welfare of society and individuals rests, is among the most momentous of human agreements. The special advantage of engagement is that it affords a means of preventing hasty and ill-advised unions, of discovering impediments, of securing the consent of parents, and of preparing oneself in knowledge and virtue for the duties of the married state. If engagements were regarded and treated as a period of training for serious and sacred duties, not as a time for frivolity or enjoyment, there would be fewer divorces and less talk about trial marriages. On the duties of engaged persons to one another, see 2628, 2629.
2799. Duties to Parents or Guardians in Reference to Marriage.—(a) There is, _per se_, a duty of consulting with one’s parents about one’s marriage; for he who marries without their knowledge, generally exposes himself to the danger of making a serious mistake, and moreover as a rule the interests of parents themselves are bound up intimately with the marriages of their children. Hence, unless a very serious reason excuses, he who marries without advising with his parents sins grievously by his rashness or want of filial affection. The same is true, if a child wilfully disregards the wishes of his parents by stubbornly marrying when for a good reason they disapprove. If their opposition is imperative and emphatic, or if they are grief-stricken at thought of the imprudent marriage, the sin is serious; but if their opposition is mild and the match not a very bad one, the sin is venial. The consent or counsel of parents is not necessary for validity, however, since it is not they who are getting married, and no law makes their consent or counsel an essential part of the compact. _Per accidens_, their consent or counsel is not even necessary for lawfulness, as when the children live far away from their parents, or when marriage has to be contracted without delay, or when the parents are unreasonable in their opposition.
(b) There is, _per se_, no duty of obeying one’s parents in the matter of marriage: first, because marriage supposes choice, admiration, and love, and these do not submit to dictation, even from parents; next, because in things that pertain to nature, such as self-preservation and procreation, children are not subject to their parents; finally, because the authority of parents does not extend to the whole lifetime of their children and marriage is a lifelong union. Hence, parents may not compel their children to marry or to remain single; they may not make the match for their children against the latters’ will, they may not force a child to marry a person whom he or she detests, they may not veto a marriage that does not appeal to them if the son or daughter has good reasons for it. Those parents sin, then, who refuse their blessing to a marriage out of selfishness, and those parents sin gravely who force their children into loveless unions and so make them unhappy in this world and endanger their salvation for the world to come. _Per accidens_, there is a duty of obeying parents in reference to marriage when one is obliged even apart from their command to do what they prescribe, when the marriage which they forbid is also forbidden by law (e.g., if the child is needed at home to support his indigent parents, if the mate selected will bring disgrace upon the family and the match can easily be broken off), or when the marriage which they require is also demanded by duty (e.g., if a son will surely enter upon a wild and reckless life unless he marries). See above, 2228, 2627, 2633, 2636, 2347, 2348, 2361 sqq.
2800. Duties of Parents in Reference to Marriage.—(a) If there is question of the marriage of a child, parents should guide themselves by the rule of St. Paul: “Let her marry whom she will, only in the Lord” (I Cor., vii. 39). Undue pressure should be avoided, but bad marriages should be opposed, and parents should assist their children to marry well. (b) If there is question of a parent’s second marriage, the children’s interests should be considered in making the choice of the step-father or step-mother, and, if the children are grown up, they should be consulted, or at least they should not be unreasonably saddened or harmed by the new marriage.