Some Observations Upon the Civilization of the Western Barbarians, Particularly of the English / made during the residence of some years in those parts.

by John B. Swazey

With the mitre is, therefore, handed a costly Crosier—crooked and crossed staff—to enable the Lord Bishop to pull in the wandering sheep, or to catch hold of any which may have slipt down into deep holes, or other rough places! "Fancy a Lord Bishop catching sheep!"—said a jocose Barbarian to me once.

The crowning of a new Ruler is a grand ceremony, in which all the wearers of the little crowns (coronets and mitres) attend; and no Ruler is a Ruler unless he be CROWNED, with all the superstitious rites. To this I may refer elsewhere. At present, I may mention that the history of all the Barbarians, and notably that of the English, is a story very often of the wars, assassinations, plots, and cruel deeds done to seize the Crown: for whoever could contrive to clap this thing upon his head was at once King! In the eyes of the superstitious invested with a sort of divinity! This feeling is well expressed by their greatest poet: "What a divinity doth hedge a King!" This is, doth encompass and protect a King.

When the Law-making Houses meet, the custom is for the Sovereign to attend in all his State, and open the Houses. That is, to swing open the grand doors of the Upper House for the Lords, and especially for the Lower members; who, on this occasion, are admitted to enter in and listen to the Gracious Speech. The rush of the Low-members is frightful, for the Doors are only opened for a very short time. The speech itself is nothing—merely some polite phrases as to the health and happiness of "our beloved Lords and gentlemen" (as the form is), and some Incantation to the gods of the Superstition, "on the prosperity and successful trade of our subjects." The great Lords sit like gods, effulgent, exalted; whilst the Low-members crowd like school-boys, and as rudely as school-boys, below. This is another thing by which the childish Lords are amused with a notion of power.

The present Sovereign rarely opens the Houses, but delegates some great Lords to do it for her. And the ceremony is far less. The Crown and the Crown Jewels are, therefore, so rarely seen, that the divinity of the Ruler is in danger; for the Superstitious reverence and pope-worship attaches to the Crown. These Crown Baubles are, by the present Ruler, kept imprisoned and guarded in a huge stone castle, so strong that no force but of nature can throw it down, and are cautiously shown to the admiring and dazzled few who are allowed by the guards to see them, at "a penny a-peep" (as an American Barbarian said in my ear, on the day of my seeing them). In this he referred to the fee [tin] which is exacted before admission, and which (I was told) went to the privy-purse of the Queen to buy pins. The Barbarians boast that these glittering gewgaws cost more than all the Halls of Learning!

The Judicial is the remaining great division of administration. In this the Laws are explained and applied. No law is, by this department, ever made. It has no such function. None the less, it really makes new laws, and unmakes the Statute Law (that is, the Law enacted by the great Council of Law-makers) just as it pleases. In fact the chief business of this department is to unmake the Laws, and the chief business of the Council is to make them over again. And between the two, of the making of Law there is no end, nor any possible understanding. Were not the Barbarian body and mind very tough, they would infallibly perish beneath the weight of this inscrutable and ponderous contrivance. No one is benefited by it, but the innumerable officers who manage it, and the Lawyers, who fatten upon the fees [tin-tin] which it wrings from all the unfortunates who have to attend upon it. These Lawyers form a special and very exclusive Caste; often at dispute among themselves upon points of personal concern, and as to the emoluments and offices which appertain to the Caste, but always united (and so-called Brothers) as to everything outside, by which they can more effectually conceal and mystify the nature of their order, and the more adroitly plunder the uninitiated. This is the Caste which opposes every inquiry into abuses and every attempt to reform the administration; which shouts the loudest praises to the Superstition, puts in force all the terrors of the Caste and of the Law (as by them expounded) to destroy any one who does not adore the glorious event, and declare the Constitution and the Laws, the Crown and the Altar (meaning the Superstition), the most perfect of all human wisdom—indeed, Divine. I have explained the Glorious event. To the Lawyer-Caste glorious in fees and means of plunder; in abuses which, had the reforms introduced before that event been perfected, would have been swept away; reforms which that event postponed, and the subsequent wars and civil dissensions made not only impossible, but still more difficult in the future. In another place I propose to refer to this department—the Judicial—when speaking of the Courts of Justice wherein the Laws are expounded and applied: because, as in these the daily course of the life of a people may be studied, I wish to look curiously into them. It will be readily seen, however, that for a stranger to find, beneath the thick and manifold wrappings and ponderous obscurities of the Lawyer-Caste, where Justice lies smothered, is no easy task.

The present Ruler is of the so-called glorious dynasty, and is more wise and virtuous than her ancestors, who were remarkable for obstinacy, meanness, stupidity, and debauchery. If one had a virtue, it was so misdirected by narrowness of mind as to be worse than vice. The best man of them was the most mischievous Sovereign, and the wisest thing done by any of the dynasty was to keep away from England. When they did nothing they did well; their activity was disastrous.

The Queen now reigning is esteemed by the Aristocracy because she leaves them to do as they please, and gratifies them by bestowing upon them and their devoted supporters coronets. She only demands for herself and her numerous children ample provisions; if in these she be gratified, she cares not to vex herself or her Lords by any disputes. She is very benevolent, filling the great palaces with poor relations, where they are supported—not by her. On the marriage of one of her royal children her munificence is unequalled; but she asks her devoted Lords to tax her subjects to pay for it!

Her allowances are, with wise policy, made very ample, that a splendid Court may be kept up, to give places to the aristocracy, and to gratify the love of display. In this the Lords are generous; it costs them nothing, the taxes upon the people cover the expenses. There are murmurs that the crown is never shown; that Royalty is hidden from view, and that the reverence of the people wanes; that the allowances designed and heretofore used to maintain a grand Court of respect and honour are misdirected, and get into the private pocket of Royalty for merely personal objects. But he who should dare openly to say this, unless of a very High Caste, would assuredly have his ears cropped [ku-tof.]

The reign has not been without bloody wars; one of which was to uphold a sick Turk (an outside Barbarian, who hates the very name of Christians, and calls them dogs), and whom the English Barbarians themselves despise. Yet, they rushed with great ships and armed bands to attack another Christ-god tribe, who threatened the sick Turkish chief; because, as they thought, their trade was best secured by helping the Turk! This foolish war cost thousands of the lives of the English sailors and armed bands, but what is far more consequential to the Barbarians, many millions [li-re] of gold. It ended in nothing at all; for the great tribe which lost in the war some ships and some forts, taken by the English, have now rebuilt them more strongly than before, and again threaten the sick Turk more than ever!

When the American Barbarians had a domestic contention—some of them wishing to deliver a poor people held in slavery, by a custom in some of their provinces, from the cruel wrong—the English Barbarians sided with those who wished to keep the slaves. They did this notwithstanding that always before they had almost quarrelled with the American tribes for allowing this very thing! Now, however, because they did not like to have that people great in ships, and because they thought it would be safer for them and better for their trade, to have the American tribes broken to pieces, insidiously aided those who fought to hold the slaves, in every way they could without open war. But the slave-holding tribes were overpowered, and the slaves set free. Presently, the American Barbarians demanded that they should be repaid some of the monies which this treacherous conduct had cost them—the lives could not be repaid. The English Barbarians, fearing the American tribes—very valiant, and having many ships—finally submitted to pay a heavy penalty for their wrong doing!