“Zaïre, il est trop vrai que l’honneur me l’ordonne,
Que je vous adorai! que je vous abandonne!
Que je renonce a vous! que vous le désirer!
Que fous un autre loix——Zaïre vous pleurer.”
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The whole corps being ordered, at seven o’clock on the morning of the 27th, to wait on Colonel Fourgeoud at the head quarters, I tore myself away from all that was dear to me in this world without disturbing them, in order to prevent the tender scene of parting. He then conducted us to the water-side, where the boats lay in waiting; and we were immediately embarked, under a general salute, and colours flying, from the fortress and the vessels in the roads. The whole corps now having dined on board the staff-ship with Lieutenant Colonel de Borgnes, Colonel Fourgeoud politely invited me to accompany him back to town till next morning; but which, with a broken heart, I thought best to decline. He then took his final leave, and wishing us all a safe and prosperous voyage to Europe, he returned, under a salute of nine guns and three cheers, with Captain Van Geurike, his adjutant, back to Paramaribo.
On the 29th of March, at midnight, the signal-gun being fired, the two ships got under way, and dropped down till before the fortress New Amsterdam, where they once more came to an anchor.
Here my friends Gordon and Gourlay, the guardians of my boy, after the convivial Colonel Seyburg (for such he certainly was) had entertained them on board his vessel, the Hollandia, affectionately coming to visit me, they did no less than actually prevail on me to accompany them back to Paramaribo. My soul could not resist this second invitation of once more beholding what was so dear to me.—I went, and, must I say it?—found Joanna, who had displayed [[379]]so much fortitude in my presence, now bathing in tears, and scarcely alive, so much was she become the victim of melancholy and despair. Nor had she partaken of food, or sleep, since my departure, nor spoken to any living creature, indeed not stirred from the spot where I had left her on the morning of the 27th.
The ships not being quite ready to go to sea till two days after, I was prevailed upon to stay on shore a little longer, with poor Joanna and her boy, which seemed to chear her: But, alas! too dear we paid for this too short reprieve! since, but few hours had elapsed, when a sailor abruptly came in, with the message that the ship’s boat lay in waiting that minute to carry me on board.—At that instant—Heavens! what were my feelings!—Joanna’s mother took the infant from her arms, the all-worthy Mrs. Godefroy supporting herself——her brothers and sisters hung around me, crying, and invoking Heaven aloud for my safety—while the unfortunate Joanna (now but nineteen) gazing on me, and holding me by the hand, with a look ten thousand times more dejected than Sterne’s Maria,—was unable to utter one word!!!——I perceived she was distracted—the hour was come—I exchanged a ringlet of their hair, and fondly pressed them both to my bosom:—the power of speech also forsook me, and my heart tacitly invoked the protection of Providence to befriend them.—Joanna now shut her beauteous eyes—her lips turned the pale colour of death—she bowed her head, and motionless sunk in the arms of HER ADOPTED MOTHER:—Here I roused all my remaining [[380]]fortitude, and leaving them surrounded by every care and attention departed, and bid God bless them!!!
The boat still delaying a few moments, I now stepped up to poor Fourgeoud, surrounded by my friends, and grasping his veteran hand, I could not, for my soul, but forgive him all the hardships he had ever occasioned me.—He was affected.—This was a debt he owed me.—I wished him every good, and finally rowed down the river Surinam.