In March 1805, he completed the time required, before he could be sent out as a minister, and there was nothing more to detain him from proceeding on his mission. “I rejoice to say,” (he wrote at this time to his sister,) “that I never had so clear a conviction of my call as at present,—as far as it respects the inward impression. Never did I see so much the exceeding excellency, and glory, and sweetness of the work, nor had so much the favourable testimony of my own conscience, nor perceived so plainly the smile of God. I am constrained to say,—what am I, or what is my father’s house, that I should be made willing;—what am I, that I should be so happy, so honoured?”—In his Journal, likewise, he expresses himself to the same effect: “I felt more persuaded of my call than ever: there was scarcely the shadow of a doubt left;—rejoice, O my soul,—thou shalt be the servant of God in this life, and in the next, for all the boundless ages of eternity.”
In April he went to London, where he remained two months, principally employed in learning Hindoostanee, the language of a large part of India, made up of the Sanscrit, Persian, and Arabic. The entries of his diary during this interval will best exhibit the state of his heart, in anticipation of his employment.
“April 15th.—O may God confirm my feeble resolutions! What have I to do but to labour, and pray, and fast, and watch, for the salvation of my own soul, and those of the heathen world. Ten thousand times more than ever do I feel devoted to that precious work. O gladly shall this base blood be shed, every drop of it, if India can be benefited in one of her children;—if but one of those children of God Almighty might be brought home to his duty.”
“April 16th.—How careful should I, and all be, in our ministry, not to break the bruised reed! Alas! do I think that a schoolboy, a raw academic, should be likely to lead the hearts of men?—what a knowledge of men, and acquaintance with the Scriptures, what communion with God, and study of my own heart, ought to prepare me for the awful work of a messenger from God on the business of the soul!”
“April 22d.—I do not wish for any heaven upon earth besides that of preaching the precious Gospel of Jesus Christ to immortal souls. May these weak desires increase and strengthen with every difficulty.”
“April 27th.—My constant unprofitableness seemed to bar my approach to God. But I considered that for all that was past, the blood of Christ would atone; and that for the future, God would that moment give me grace to perform my duty.”
“May 9th.—O my soul, when wilt thou live consistently? When shall I walk steadily with God? When shall I hold heaven constantly in view? How time glides away,—how is death approaching,—how soon must I give up my account,—how are souls perishing,—how does their blood call out to us to labour and watch, and pray for them that remain!”
“June 1.—Memory has been at work to unnerve my soul: but reason, and honour, and love to Christ and souls shall prevail. Amen. God help me.”
“June 2.—My dear Redeemer is a fountain of life to my soul. With resignation and peace can I look forward to a life of labour and entire seclusion from earthly comforts, while Jesus thus stands near me, changing me into his own image.”
“June 6th.—God’s interference in supporting me continually, appears to me like a miracle.”