42. It cannot be less so to help out or forestall the slow speaker, as if you alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You may take it for granted, every one is vain enough to think he can talk well, though he may modestly deny it; helping a person out, therefore, in his expressions, is a correction that will stamp the corrector with impudence and ill-manners.
43. Those who contradict others upon all occasions, and make every assertion a matter of dispute, betray by this behaviour an unacquaintance with good-breeding. He, therefore, who wishes to appear amiable, with those he converses with, will be cautious of such expressions as these, "That can't be true, sir." "The affair is as I say." "That must be false, sir." "If what you say is true, &c." You may as well tell a man he lies at once, as thus indirectly impeach his veracity. It is equally as rude to be proving every trifling assertion with a bet or a wager—"I'll bet you fifty of it," and so on. Make it then a constant rule, in matters of no great importance, complaisantly to submit your opinion to that of others; for a victory of this kind often costs a man the loss of a friend.
44. Giving advice unasked, is another piece of rudeness: it is, in effect, declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it; reproaching them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not to be taken with any common acquaintance, and yet there are these who will be offended, if their advice is not taken. "Such-a-one," say they, "is above being advised. He scorns to listen to my advice;" as if it were not a mark of greater arrogance to expect every one to submit to their opinion, than for a man sometimes to follow his own.
45. There is nothing so unpardonably rude, as a seeming inattention to the person who is speaking to you; tho' you may meet with it in others, by all means avoid it yourself. Some ill-bred people, while others are speaking to them, will, instead of looking at or attending to them, perhaps fix their eyes on the ceiling, or some picture in the room, look out of the window, play with a dog, their watch-chain, or their cane, or probably pick their nails or their noses. Nothing betrays a more trifling mind than this; nor can any thing be a greater affront to the person speaking; it being a tacit declaration, that what he is saying is not worth your attention. Consider with yourself how you would like such treatment, and, I am persuaded, you will never shew it to others.
46. Surliness or moroseness is incompatible also with politeness. Such as, should any one say "he was desired to present Mr. such-a-one's respects to you," to reply, "What the devil have I to do with his respects?"—"My Lord enquired after you lately, and asked how you did," to answer, "if he wishes to know, let him come and feel my pulse," and the like. A good deal of this often is affected; but whether affected or natural, it is always offensive. A man of this stamp will occasionally be laughed at as an oddity; but in the end will be despised.
47. I should suppose it unnecessary to advise you to adapt your conversation to the company you are in. You would not surely start the same subject, and discourse of it in the same manner, with the old and with the young, with an officer, a clergyman, a philosopher, and a woman? no; your good sense will undoubtedly teach you to be serious with the serious, gay with the gay, and to trifle with the triflers.
48. There are certain expressions which are exceedingly rude, and yet there are people of liberal education that sometimes use them; as, "You don't understand me, sir." "Is it not so?" "You mistake." "You know nothing of the matter," &c. Is it not better to say, "I believe I do not express myself so as to be understood." "Let us consider it again, whether we take it right or not." It is much more polite and amiable to make some excuse for another, even in cases where he might justly be blamed, and to represent the mistake as common to both, rather than charge him with insensibility or incomprehension.
49. If any one should have promised you any thing, and not have fulfilled that promise, it would be very impolite to tell him he has forfeited his word; or if the same person should have disappointed you, upon any occasion, would it not be better to say, "You were probably so much engaged, that you forgot my affair;" or, "perhaps it slipped your memory;" rather than, "you thought no more about it:" or, "you pay very little regard to your word." For expressions of this kind leave a sting behind them—They are a kind of provocation and affront, and very often bring on lasting quarrels.
50. Be careful not to appear dark and mysterious, lest you should be thought suspicious; than which, there cannot be a more unamiable character. If you appear mysterious and reserved, others will be truly so with you: and in this case, there is an end to improvement, for you will gather no information. Be reserved, but never seem so.
51. There is a fault extremely common with some people, which I would have you avoid. When their opinion is asked upon any subject, they will give it with so apparent a diffidence and timidity, that one cannot, without the utmost pain, listen to them; especially if they are known to be men of universal knowledge. "Your Lordship will pardon me," says one of this stamp, "if I should not be able to speak to the case in hand, so well as it might be wished."—"I'll venture to speak of this matter to the best of my poor abilities and dullness of apprehension."—"I fear I shall expose myself, but in obedience to your Lordship's commands,"—and while they are making these apologies, they interrupt the business and tire the company.