CHAPTER XXV
CERTAIN THINGS THE WEST INDIAN TOURIST MUST NOT DO
Do not believe every story you hear which makes against the character of the Governor or his wife. It is difficult for a high official, for the direct representative of H.M. the King, to always please every half-white woman and her husband. The jealousy of the half-white for the pure white is very bitter. Do not utterly believe in the alligator stories as told by the junior subalterns of West Indian regiments, or yet the shooting yarns of medical officers of health. All white Jamaicans do not spend all their time in following the festive alligator or in spearing frisky sharks in Kingston Harbour. Do not trouble to drive in any hackney-carriage if your destination is within easy walking distance. The argument with the buggy driver is more exhausting work even than a walk of two hundred yards. Do not go out in the sun without a hat or with only a small cap. Do not drink too much either of the cool, iced lemon squash, or the more-alluring whisky and mineral water. Gin is not a particularly wholesome stimulant, but it is better for the white man in Jamaica than the finest whisky. Water that is not filtered should be avoided, and it is well always to sleep beneath your mosquito covering. Iced drinks taken in large quantities are the best means of securing a really bad digestion, especially if they are taken when one is very hot. India-rubber shoes are easy to put on, but in the tropics they are occasionally very difficult to discard. A qualified chemist should be requisitioned to remove any half-melted rubber that may have stuck to the soles of your inflamed feet. Panama hats which are loosely plaited are excellent things for wearing on the suburban parades of cool countries; in the tropics head-gear made of felt or pith is better. It is not a good thing to wear heavy clothes, neither is it good to wear too little. The wise man does not plunge into a cold bath when he is very hot, neither does he bathe in the harbour among hungry sharks. Inquiries should be made into the habits and customs of alligators before the tourist takes a dip in some of the up-country rivers, and he should avoid hunting the gaudy butterfly in malarious swamps noted for the propagation of high fevers. It is never a good thing for a new arrival to take risks, but if he insists, let him leave a written document exonerating the climate from all blame of causing his death.
A Jamaican nigger should not be treated as though he were a dangerous wild beast, and the tourist should remember that the blackest negro tries to live up to a code of morals common to white men. All the blacks who come in contact with you will be strongly
influenced by your conduct; you should treat a native just as you would treat a white boy whose respect and affection you desired to retain, always remembering that a black man holds his women folk in great respect.
It is unnecessary that you should remind every coloured person that he or she is coloured. Half-breeds prefer to pass as whites. On the other hand be chary of believing that a person is pure white solely because you have his assurance that such is his condition. It may be that it is a matter of no moment to you whether he is black or white or yellow, in which case give him the benefit and call him the colour of his choice. Jamaican plantations are not waste lands, and should not receive the treatment meted out to virgin territories. All fruit trees are not planted for the convenience of curious tourists. It is not a polite thing to pull down a banana-tree in order to discover the secrets of its growth, nor is it kind to shake a ripe orange-tree in order to see how many fruit will fall. Even the most luxuriant pine-apple field should not be trampled through with a golf club, and that place which looks like a private garden may really be one in fact. In such a case it is not the thing for a stranger to pluck flowers or uproot rare ferns. A country planter does not regard his private bungalow as a public museum for the use of tourists, and as a rule he will resent any question as to his ancestry. It is not good for a new arrival to accept all the spirituous liqueurs proffered him, and Jamaicans will not admire a man merely because he is a dissolute, dissipated dog. Do not offer emphatic judgment on the qualities of a Jamaican horse until you have been on his back for more than seven hours, and do not gamble at the three-card trick on Jamaican race-courses.