Chrononhotonthologos.
Equity requires that you ought to take the first Coach on the Stand, however little you may like the appearance of the Driver, the Carriage, or the Horses; because the occupier of that place having obtained it by being the longest in waiting, has therefore a fair claim to a preference, which it is apparently unjust not to grant: However, we have heard persons give the following advice—If you are in haste, take the Coach, the Driver of which is on the Box, the Horses bitted, and who stand with their faces towards the way you wish to go:—if not in a hurry, Open your Eyes, and choose that Vehicle to which the tidy appearance of it and its Driver attract you, and present ocular demonstration that the Carriage is clean, and the Coachman careful.
The Servants of Industry are known by their Livery, which is always whole and wholesome—the Slaves of Idleness are slovenly and loathsome:—the former, generally prove Civil and honest,—the latter, Impertinent and imposing.
When going out to Dinner, Beware of indulging your Benevolence by conferring the silly Sixpenny Civility of taking up every person that is bound to the same house: such mighty good kind of Gentry are commonly too late. However, since Colonel Bosville established the right laudable custom of locking out all those who come after the appointed hour, this caution has become almost needless; as now the rudeness of those who come too late, by such a prudent order to your Porter, very properly recoils upon Themselves:—Good Dinner-Giver, let such perfunctory persons be locked out!
Let those who wish to ensure Punctuality, have their Letter of Invitation expressed in the following manner, and affix thereto the Seal of the Committee of Taste, the motto on which is,
“Better Never, than Late.”
Messrs. Champaigne and Turtle request the honour of Messrs. Thirst and Hunger’s company at Dinner on Thursday the 9th Nov., five minutes before Five o’clock.
Nota Bene.—Messrs. C. and T. have directed, that as soon as the First Course is served, the Table shall be garnished with the Key of the Street Door, where it shall remain among the Dormant decorations till the Second Course is removed.
A prudent General always provides for a Retreat.
The Best way of securing a Coach to bring you Home, if it is a long distance, is to keep the Coach in waiting—or tell the Driver to call and take you home at a certain hour; or fee the Waterman at the nearest Stand, to send one at the hour you wish.