Do not permit Strangers to place themselves behind your Carriage at any time, or under any pretence whatever. There are innumerable instances of Carriages having been disabled from proceeding, and Travellers robbed and finished, by allowing such accommodation. The Collectors of Check Braces, and Footmen’s Holders, assume all kind of Characters, and are so expert, that they will take these articles off in half the time that your Coachman can put them on; and will rob you of what you cannot replace for a Pound, though they cannot sell them for a Shilling.
Therefore, Spikes are indispensable when you have not a Footman; otherwise, you will be perpetually loaded with idle people, i. e. unless you think that two or three outside passengers are ornamental or convenient, or you like to have your Carriage continually surrounded by Crowds of Children, incessantly screaming, “Cut! Cut behind!” Why do not the Street Keepers prevent this Nuisance? These officers should be stationed in Sentry Boxes, as they are in the Parish of Bloomsbury, i. e. the same as the Watchmen are at Night; where, when not going their Rounds, they should remain.
The multitude of Strayed Dogs which are perpetually prowling and howling, and barking and biting at Horses’ heels, and making them start, and those which are carried about in Carts, also frequently frighten Horses and occasion Accidents, and are barbarous and dangerous Public Nuisances, which “the Street Keepers” should suppress.
Let it be enacted—that all Dogs, Fowls, and any other Beasts and Birds, found in the Streets, not having a Collar on, on which is engraven the Name and place of abode of the Owner thereof, shall henceforth be seizeable by any Constable, or Street Keeper, or Watchman, or any person who finds them; which they shall have power to dispose of as their own property; and those with a Collar also, unless their owners immediately pay a fine of five shillings; one moiety of which shall be to the person finding them, the other to the Poor of the Parish. For want of such salutary Regulations, some of the Streets of London are like a Dog Kennel or a Poultry Yard.
These Beasts and Birds are seldom kept except by petty Housekeepers, who are perpetually applying to be excused paying Taxes. Surely such persons should not be permitted to annoy their neighbours, who by duly paying Parish rates, in fact, contribute to their maintenance.
Dogs out of Doors are horribly noisy, especially on Moon-light Nights, when they will turn up their Noses, and
“Bay the Moon with hideous howl,”
for an hour together. They seldom give Tongue when inside of a House, except when shut in by themselves in an Empty house. There are certain Manufacturers who having more cunning than conscience, to evade paying the Taxes upon their Warehouse, instead of letting somebody sleep in it, which would subject them to the Taxes, turn in a Dog as a Watchman, who barks and howls incessantly all night long. Surely such shirking Gentry are not entitled to the privilege of annoying a score or two of quiet Neighbours, who honestly pay the Taxes imposed by their Country! They and their Cur-Watchman should be indicted and amerced sans cérémonie.
Fowls, Parrots, Dogs, or any other of those Beasts or Birds, which (because they make most Noise) are vulgarly called Dumb Animals, bleating, barking, bellowing, in the Front Area or back Garden of a House, &c. are an offence against the Public Peace—are an Indictable Nuisance; and on the complaint of a Neighbouring Housekeeper, are as cognizable by Constables, Street Keepers, Watchmen, &c. surely as justly as the Owners of such Animals would be, were they to hoot and bellow there,—for which they would, in the first instance, be taken to a Watchhouse, and in the second Indicted and fined or sent to the Tread Mill.
Qy. What difference does it make whether the Peace is broken, and Sleep destroyed, by an “Animal plumis, vel implumis et bipes,” i. e. whether it wears ready-made Clothes, or employs a Tailor? Surely it will not be allowed in this Age of Refinement, that the former is entitled to more consideration than the latter.