In the selection of his future wife, the Manóbo consults his own tastes as far as he can, but he is influenced to a great extent by the opinion of his parents and near relatives, all of whom ordinarily look to the advantages to be derived from connection with powerful members of the tribe. Hence rank and birth are nearly always a determining factor, and where the wishes of the man's elders are in opposition to his own natural choice, he yields and is contented to take the helpmate chosen for him.
COURTSHIP AND ANTENUPTIAL RELATIONS
Sometimes the young man is bidden to take up his residence in the girl's house, observe her general character and especially her diligence, find out if she has been bespoken, gain the good will of her father and relatives, and report to his people.
No communication of any kind takes place between him and his prospective wife. When the subject is broached to the girl, she simply bids him see her relatives. I have known of cases among the upper Agúsan Manóbos where improper suggestions to the girl were at once reported by her to her parents, and the author of them was at once brought to order with a fine, the equivalent of P15 or P30. One white man is reported to have met his death at the hand of a Manóbo for a mistake of this kind many years ago. In deepest Manóboland, when the offense passes, however slightly, the boundaries of suggestion, it becomes the source of many a deadly feud. Happily, however, such cases are extremely rare.
BEGGING FOR THE HAND OF THE GIRL
Three, four, or five of the nearest male relatives of the man, after procuring a little beverage, repair early some evening to the house of the nearest relative of the girl. After they have partaken of the inevitable betel-nut quid, and have offered a drink of sugarcane brew or other beverage to the household, and have discussed a few topics of daily life--it may be about the last wild boar killed, or the capture of a polecat in the snares1--the prologue begins. This lasts from one to two days, including often the better part of the nights. Each of the visitors comes in his turn and rattles off, with many a significant haw and cough, in good Manóbo style a series of periphrastic platitudes and examples that apparently give no clue to the object of their visit. The owner of the house and father, let us say, of the girl quickly understands the situation and then assumes a most indifferent air. The visitor who has taken up the discourse continues, with never a care for the various household sounds, such as the chopping of wood, or the yelping of dogs; and not even the announcement of supper, and the partaking thereof, can stay his eloquence. The householder at times emits a sleepy grunt of approval, relapses apparently into a drowse, and after several hours, rolls into his mat and feigns sleep. At this juncture one of the visitors hastens down the notched pole and gets the silver-ferruled lance or silver-sheathed knife that has been left concealed near the house. The spokesman of the visitors then offers it to the father of the hoped-for bride on condition that he rise and listen, for they have come with an object in view--to beg for the hand of his daughter. It is then his turn to begin a painfully drawn-out discourse, to which the visitors assent periodically with many an humble and submissive "ho" and "ha," "bai da man" (yes, indeed), and so forth. He strains and racks his brains to think of every imaginable reason against the marriage, and finally, after he has exhausted every resource, he bids his visitors go home and come back on such a day, because he has to consult his relatives; but he can not get them to stir until he gives them a counterpresent, which he claims is of much more value than their present to him.
1Lítag.
On the appointed day the young man's relatives again proceed to the same house, but in this case reinforced by all the relatives within reach, each one carrying his present.