WOOD. Hush—hush! don’t speak so loud! (looking round, then in a low tone to MRS. LARKINGS) I’ll tell you how it happened! You see, we were two Woodcocks—in fact, a brace of Woodcocks, Benjamin and Marmaduke. I’m Marmaduke, from which you may infer with a tolerable degree of accuracy that my brother was Benjamin! Well, Benjamin was always one of the quiet going sort, in short, a serious young man; in fact, he was known as the “tame Woodcock,” because he was what is called decidedly “slow;” now I was called the “Wild Woodcock,” because——
MRS. L. You were decidedly “fast!”
WOOD. Yes! Well, when Mrs. Colonel Carver made the usual enquiries as to respectability, moral character, and all that sort of thing—she somehow or other stumbled on the wrong Woodcock—the tame one instead of the wild one—and——
MRS. L. And you took advantage of her mistake? Fie, fie, Mr. Woodcock! I couldn’t have believed it of you.
WOOD. The very words I said. “Woodcock,” said I, “I couldn’t have believed it of you.” But you won’t betray me, my dear and highly valued friend? you won’t go and dash the cup of connubial bliss from my lips? because I have seen Mrs. Colonel Carver turn very red in the face at the merest trifle, and—here she comes. (with an imploring look at MRS. LARKINGS)
Enter MRS. CARVER, R. 2 E.
MRS. C. Mrs. Larkings here? where is she? Ah, my dear, delighted to see you! and yet I’ve half a mind to scold you for arriving so late; we’ve been obliged to get married without you, haven’t we, Mr. W.? (crossing to WOODCOCK)
WOOD. Yes, Mrs. C.!
MRS. L. Tell me—how is dear Caroline?
MRS. C. Very well, but very agitated—and no wonder (seeing WOODCOCK, who is approaching, and in a severe tone of astonishment) Mr. W.!