DAVID. Well, sir, they do say a reformed rake makes the best husband, and you certainly had a regular good “innings” at it.
WOOD. I said nothing about “innings,” David,—I limited myself to the expression “whack!” Has anything been sent from the railway station?
DAVID. Yes—sir, three parcels—here they be, sir! (three brown paper parcels are on the table)
WOOD. (taking one parcel and opening letter, which is fastened to it) “Two morning gowns in merino—best quality, quilted and lined,—cords and tassels as to order,” that’s all right; now the other parcels, David—(opening the papers attached to them) “Three woollen smoking caps, three cloth ditto, three silk ditto, three velvet ditto”—all right. (opening third paper) “Twelve pairs of slippers to measure, three lined with fur, three with flannel, &c., &c.” Quite correct.
DAVID. Morning gowns, caps, and slippers! Why, I never seed you with one or the other in all my life, never!
WOOD. Exactly; because, hitherto, my existence has been passed in coats that cramped my body, hats that pinched my head, and boots that crippled my feet! But that’s all over, David; to-morrow I insert my body into a morning gown, my head into a cap, my feet into a pair of slippers, and in that easy and unencumbered state I sink into a comfortable arm chair for the remainder of my existence. Not a bad notion, eh, David?
DAVID. I call it a first-rate dodge, sir!
WOOD. I said nothing about a “dodge,” David; I limited myself to the expression “notion.” That being the case, David, I hereby convey, transfer, and make over to you from the time being my entire stock of dress coats, ditto trousers, ditto waistcoats, white neckcloths, black hats, and patent leather boots.
DAVID. Oh, thank’ee, sir, thankee!
MRS. LARKINGS. (without) Don’t trouble yourself! I dare say you’ve plenty to do on such a day as this.