I found the Marquis alone; pale, languid, and greatly emaciated. He expressed, however, equal pleasure and surprise at this unexpected visit; said, he had been in danger of making a very long journey, and added, with a smile, that no man had ever set out with less inclination, for he hated travelling alone, and this was the only journey he could ever take, without wishing some of his friends to accompany him. He rejoiced, therefore, that he had been recalled in time to meet me before I should pass on to Paris. “But tell me,” continued he, “for I have ten thousand questions to ask—but let us take things in order; Eh bien, donnez nous donc des nouvélles du Pape? On nous a dit que vous aviez passé par la ceremonie de la Pantoufle. Ne pourroit on pas pendre au tragique une misère comme cela chez vous où le Saint Pere passe pour une Babylonienne de mauvaise vie?” Before I could make any answer I chanced to turn my eyes upon a person whom I had not before observed, who sat very gravely upon a chair in a corner of the room, with a large periwig in full dress upon his head.
The Marquis, seeing my surprise at the sight of this unknown person, after a very hearty fit of laughter, begged pardon for not having introduced me sooner to that gentleman (who was no other than a large monkey), and then told me, he had the honour of being attended by a physician, who had the reputation of possessing the greatest skill, and who certainly wore the largest periwigs of any doctor in the province. That one morning, while he was writing a prescription at his bed-side, this same monkey had catched hold of his periwig by one of the knots, and instantly made the best of his way out at the window to the roof of a neighbouring house, from which post he could not be dislodged, till the Doctor, having lost patience, had sent home for another wig, and never after could be prevailed on to accept of this, which had been so much disgraced. That, enfin, his valet, to whom the monkey belonged, had, ever since that adventure, obliged the culprit, by way of punishment, to sit quietly for an hour every morning, with the periwig on his head.—Et pendant ces moments de tranquilité je suis honoré de la société du vénérable personage. Then addressing himself to the monkey, “Adieu, mon ami, pour aujourdhui—au plaisir de vous revoir;” and the servant immediately carried Monsieur le Medecin out of the room.
Afraid that the Marquis might be the worse for talking so much, I attempted to withdraw, promising to return in the evening; but this I could not get him to comply with. He assured me, that nothing did him so much harm as holding his tongue; and that the most excessive headach he had ever had in his life, was owing to his having been two hours without speaking, when he made his addresses to Madam de ——; who could never forgive those who broke in upon the thread of her discourse, and whom he lost after all, by uttering a few sentences before she could recover her breath after a fit of sneezing. In most people’s discourse, added he, a sneeze passes for a full stop. “Mais dans le Caquet eternel de cette femme ce n’est qu’un virgule.”
I then enquired after my friends Dubois and Fanchon.—He told me, that his mother had settled them at her house in the country, where she herself chose, of late, to pass at least one half of the year; that Dubois was of great service to her, in the quality of steward, and she had taken a strong affection for Fanchon, and that both husband and wife were loved and esteemed by the whole neighbourhood. “I once,” continued the Marquis, “proposed to Fanchon, en badinant, to make a trip to Paris, for she must be tired of so much solitude.” “Have I not my husband?” said she, “Your husband is not company,” rejoined I, “your husband, you know, is yourself. What do you think was her answer?” “Elle m’a répondu,” continued the Marquis, “Ah, Monsieur le Marquis, plus on sé loigne de soi-même, plus on s’écarte du bonheur.”
In the progress of our conversation, I enquired about the lady to whom he was to have been married, when the match was so abruptly broken off by her father. He told me, the old gentleman’s behaviour was explained a short time after our departure from Paris, by his daughter’s marriage to a man of great fortune; but whose taste, character, and turn of mind were essentially different from those of the young lady. “I suppose then,” said I, “she appeared indifferent about him from the beginning.” “Pardonnez moi,” replied the Marquis, “au commencement elle joua la belle passion pour son mari, jusqu’à scandaliser le monde, peu à peu elle devint plus raisonable, et sur cet article les deux epoux jouèrent bientôt à fortune égale, à présent ils s’amusent à se chicaner de petites contradictions qui jettent plus d’amertume dans le commerce que de torts décidés.”
“Did you ever renew your acquaintance?”
“Je ne pouvois faire autrement, elle a marqué quelques petits regrets de m’avoir traité si cruellement.”
“And how did you like her,” said I, “on farther acquaintance?”
“Je lui ai trouvé,” answered he, “tout ce qu’on pent souhaiter dans la femme d’un autre.”
The Marquis, feeling himself a little cold, and rising from the sopha to ring for some wood, had a view of the street. “O ho,” cried he, looking earnestly through the window, “regardez, regardez cet homme”—“Quel homme?” said I. “Cet homme à gros ventre,” said he; and while he spoke, his teeth began to chatter. “Ah, Diable, voilà mon chien d’accés—cet homme qui marche comme un Di—Di—Dindon, c’est l’aumonier du regiment.” I begged he would allow himself to be put to bed, for by this time he was all over shivering with the violence of the ague.