“Item: I give my two best saddle-horses to the Earl of Denbigh, whose legs, methinks, must soon begin to fail him. As regards my other horses, I bequeath them to Lord Fairfax, that when Cromwell and his council take away his commission, he may still have some horse to command.
“Item: I give all my wild beasts to the Earl of Salisbury, being very sure that he will preserve them, seeing that he refused the King a doe out of his park.
“Item: I bequeath my chaplains to the Earl of Stamford, seeing he has never had one in his employ, having never known any other than his son my Lord Gray, who, being at the same time spiritual and carnal, will engender more than one monster.
“Item: I give nothing to my Lord Saye, and I do make him this legacy willingly, because I know that he will faithfully distribute it unto the poor.
“Item: Seeing that I do menace a certain Henry Mildmay, but did not trash him, I do leave the sum of fifty pounds sterling to the lacquey that shall pay unto him my debt.
“Item: I bequeath to Thomas May, whose nose I did break at a masquerade, five shillings. My intention had been to give more; but all who have seen his history of the Parliament will consider that even this sum is too large.
“Item: I should have given to the author of the libel on women, entitled ‘News of the Exchange,’ threepence, to invent a yet more scurrilous mode of maligning; but, seeing that he insulteth and slandereth I know not how many honest persons, I commit the office of paying him to the same lacquey who undertaketh the arrears of Henry Mildmay. He will teach him to distinguish between honorable women and disreputable.
“Item: I give to the Lieutenant-General Cromwell one of my words, the which he must want, seeing that he hath never kept any of his own.
“Item: I give to the wealthy citizens of London, and likewise to the Presbyterians and nobility, notice to look to their skins, for, by order of the State, the garrison of Whitehall hath provided itself with poniards, and useth dark lanterns in the place of candles.
“Item: I give up the ghost.”