7. Ye must be tender also of each other’s reputation abroad. This requireth two things: First, that each labour to conceal the weaknesses of the other, so far as is possible, from all men. The husband must endeavour, that none may know of his wife’s faults, but himself: and the wife must do her best to keep her husband’s faults from the knowledge of every creature. On the contrary, to publish each others sins, is a monstrous treachery. To backbite an enemy is a sin: how much more to backbite ones yoke-fellow? Whose faults can a man cover if not his wife’s, that is in effect, his own? Or who can be free from reproach, if one so near as his wife, deface his good name? ’Tis impossible but man and wife must sooner or later discover their weaknesses to one another. And for them to be playing the tell-tale against each other, what soul does not loath to think of it? If thou hast been so sinfully talkative before, now for shame lay thy hand upon thy mouth, that thou mayst no more incur the name of fool, by making thy tongue to spread abroad folly.
8. But besides this, you must faithfully keep each others secrets. A man may have occasion to acquaint his wife, with things which he would not reveal to others; so may a woman to acquaint her husband. Now if in such cases a wife find, that her husband has revealed what she intrusted with him alone; or he find, that she has revealed what he spoke to her in the confidence of love, this will breed such a distrust of the offending party, as will not easily be removed. Wherefore let husbands and wives always mind this: If he lay up any thing in her breast, let him find it safe there, as in a chest, which cannot be opened by any pick-lock. If she commit a thing to his safe keeping, let it be imprisoned in his bosom. Otherwise no man can chuse but be strange to one, whom experience has convinced of blabbing. And it is an infallible truth, that there is no comfortable living with one whom you cannot trust.
9. The last part of faithful helpfulness to each other, is that which concerns their estates. And to this end it is requisite, first, that all things be common between them, goods as well as persons: For if they make not a division in the greater, it is absurd to make it in the less. They should have one house and one purse: for they are one, and their estates should be one also. And having thus united their fortunes, let them, secondly, practise good husbandry therein. This implies three things, diligence in getting, prudence in saving, providence in foreseeing. These three, industry, frugality, and forecast, make up good husbandry. And if any of these are wanting, so much is wanting to the perfection of it; and so much also will be wanting, for their comfort and prosperity.
CHAP IV.
Of the duties of the married to their family.
1.A Man and his wife, who before were members of other families, join together that they may become the roots of a new family: Wherein by training up their servants and children, they provide plants for God’s vineyard, the church. In this family the husband is the head; the wife is the next, as subordinate to him. They are both to maintain and govern their family. First, they must join in providing it with all necessaries, imitating herein the father of this great family, the world, who fills every creature with good things fit for it. But they must govern as well as maintain their houshold; the man as God’s immediate officer, the woman as an officer deputed by him, not equal, but subordinate: he, by the authority derived immediately from God, she by authority derived from her husband.
2. The first point, in order to the due government of their family, is to educate their children well; more especially in their tender years. I cannot lay down a better method for this, than is laid down in a letter printed some years since; part of which is here subjoined.
*“According to your desire, I have collected the principal rules I observed in educating my family. The children (she had ten who came to man’s estate, eight of whom were frequently at home together) were put into a regular method of living, in such things as they were capable of, from their birth, as in dressing, undressing, changing their linen, &c. The first quarter commonly passes in sleep. After that, they were, if possible, laid into their cradles awake, and rocked asleep, and so they were kept rocking till it was time for them to awake. This was done to bring them to a regular course of sleeping, which at first was three hours in the morning, and three in the afternoon: afterwards two hours till they needed none at all.
*“When they were turned a year old, they were taught to fear the rod, and cry softly. By this means they escaped abundance of correction which otherwise they must have had, and that odious noise of the crying of children was rarely heard in the house.
*“As soon as they were grown pretty strong, they were confined to three meals a day. They were never suffered to chuse their meat, but always ate such things as were provided for the family. Whatever they had, they were never permitted to eat of more than one thing. Drinking or eating between meals was never allowed, but in case of sickness, which rarely happened.