CHAP. VI.
Of the Wife’s peculiar Duties.
1.THE special duties of a wife may be reduced to two heads, To know herself the inferior, and to behave as such. First, She must know herself the inferior; she must be thoroughly convinced, that she is not her husband’s equal, without which there can be no content, either in her heart, or in her house. Where the woman counts herself equal with her husband, (much more, if she count herself better) the root of all good carriage is withered, the fountain thereof dried up. Whoever therefore would be a good wife, let this sink into her inmost soul, “My husband is my superior, my better: he has the right to rule over me. God has given it him, and I will not strive against God. He is my superior, my better.” Unless she has learnt this lesson perfectly, unless she has it at her fingers ends, if her very heart does not thoroughly agree thereto, there will be nothing between them but wrangling, repining, striving: so that their life will be little else than a continual battle, a trying for masteries. Let us grant, you have more wit and understanding than him, more readiness of speech, more skill in business. Yet consider; your servant may exceed you in all these, as much as you do him. And yet you would be loath that your servant should claim an equality either with him or you. Know then, a man may be superior in place to him, who is his superior in gifts: and know likewise, thou dost abuse the gifts of God, if thence thou infringest thy husband’s superiority. Wherefore, with all thy understanding, understand this, that God has made him thy governor and ruler, and thee his inferior, to be ruled by him, and to submit to him in all things. Though he be of meaner birth and smaller capacity, tho’ he had no wealth or name before thou didst marry him, yet from that hour the case is changed, and he is no longer beneath thee, but above thee. Set it down therefore as a conclusion never to be called in question. “My husband is my superior.”
2. The wife knowing herself the inferior, must, secondly, behave as such, by reverence and subjection to her husband. First, By reverence. She owes this to her husband, as much as the children or servants do to her: yea, as they do to him; only hers is sweetened with more love and familiarity. She is no less bound to reverence her husband, than are the rest of the family. This alone is the difference; she may be more familiar, not more rude, as being more dear, not less subject than they.
3. And this reverence must be both inward and outward. First, she must have an inward, dutiful respect for her husband. She must regard him as God’s deputy, not looking to his person but his place, not thinking so much, what he is, as whose officer. So the apostle, Let the wife see that she reverence her husband. Of all things, let her not fail in this. He here prescribes such a loving, not slavish, fear, as stands with the closest union of heart. And from this fear, she abhors and shuns, as the greatest evil which can befal her, next to the breaking the commandments of God, to displease or offend her husband. We stand in due awe of God, when we loath the breach of his commandments, as the greatest of all evils. And the wife duly stands in awe of her husband, when next to that evil, she shuns the disobeying or grieving him, who is above her, next to God. I know many [♦]women care as little for their husbands, as their husbands do for them. But if thou wilt ever please God, take much pains with thy heart, to make it stand in awe of thy husband. As a wife grows in this, so may she look to get the better of all her other infirmities: as she is careless herein, so shall she be pestered with various other evils. “But how shall she bring her heart to this?” By looking thro’ her husband to God the author of marriage, and putting herself often in mind, not of his deserts, but of God’s ordinance. The husband is to the wife the image and glory of God: the power that is given to him is God’s originally, and his by God’s appointment. Look not therefore on the qualities of thy husband, but upon his place. If thou despisest him, the contempt redounds upon God, who hath ordained him to be thy head. If therefore thy heart be seasoned with the fear of God, thou wilt fear thy husband also.
[♦] ‘woman’ replaced with ‘women’
4. And this inward will produce outward reverence, both in her words and actions. Her words are either to himself, of him behind his back, or to others before him. And, 1. Her words to himself should neither be sharp, sullen, passionate, not rude, careless or contemptuous: such as shew neither anger, nor neglect, but all lowliness and quietness of affection. What kind of words would you dislike from a servant or child? Those must you not give your husband. For the same duty of fear is in the same words, and with the same plainness enjoined to thee that is to them. Indeed a wife, as I observed before, may be more familiar: yet there is an excess of familiarity which is blame-worthy. Why should a woman be so over-bold as to call her husband, Tom, Dick, Ned? Could she speak otherwise to her child or servant? Certainly those speeches of hers which are most familiar should still have a print of reverence upon them.
5. Her words also to others in his presence should be such as witness a due reverence to him: In his company she should be more cautious of her behaviour to any, than otherwise she need to be. Her words to children and servants in his sight, ought not to be loud or snappish. If she perceive a fault in them, she should remember her better stands by, and therefore not speak, but upon necessity, and then utter the reproof in a more still and mild manner, than she might have done in his absence. You allow not your children or servants to be loud before you. And will you be so before your husband!
6. A wife’s words likewise concerning her husband behind his back, should be dutiful and respectful. She must not talk of him with a kind of carelessness, much less with reproachful terms. Hence the apostle recommends the example of Sarah: who when she but thought of her husband, in the absence of all company, (Gen. xviii. 12.) reverently intitled him, My Lord. Who would bear a child speaking against his father behind his back? And shall it be thought sufferable in a wife? He that allows not an evil thought of the prince, will not allow evil speeches of the husband.
7. Yea, the very gestures and countenance of a wife, as well as her words, should be mixt with reverence. Both good and bad tempers have more ways of uttering themselves than by the tongue. Solomon speaks of an eye that despiseth his mother: so the eye of a wife may be a despising eye and her gestures may proclaim contempt, tho’ her tongue be altogether silent. But rude and contemptuous behaviour are no less uncomely than disrespectful words. Wherefore, if you condemn these in your children toward yourself, allow them not in yourself toward your husband.