8. The second duty, subjection, implies obedience to his commands, and submission to his reproofs. The former is expresly enjoined in those words, Let the wife be subject to her husband in all things. And indeed, if she refuse it to him, how can she require it of the children and servants? For it is due to her only as his deputy, and a substitute under him. “But how far must she be subject to him?” The apostle tells us, In all things, in the Lord. Obedience, you see, must be universal: only so that it may be in the Lord. In every thing wherein obedience to him would not prove rebellion against her Maker, she is bound to obey, without any farther question. An English subject is not bound to obey the King in any thing but what some law enjoins. His will is no law, neither does it bind the conscience of his subject. But the husband’s will is a law to his wife, and binds her conscience in all things indifferent. Nor does even this suffice, unless she obey readily, quietly, chearfully, without brawling, contending, sourness.
9. The latter, submission to his reproofs, is also plainly required in these words, As the church is subject to Christ, so must the wives to their own husbands in every thing. Now, bearing his reproofs is doubtless a necessary part of the church’s subjection to Christ. Of consequence it is a necessary part of the wife’s subjection to her husband.
CHAP. VII.
Some Application of the Whole.
1. *AND first, this yields a good instruction to young, unmarried people; not to rush unadvisedly into this state. A thing of so difficult a nature, should not be hastily undertaken. If they get not first their hearts full of grace, and their heads full of wisdom, they will find their hands full of work, an house full of trouble, and a life full of woe. Dost thou desire to be married? Unless thou wouldst meet with gall instead of honey, see what wisdom, what patience, what grace fit to govern, or fit to obey, thou findest in thyself. Get these against thou comest to use them, or marriage will yield thee small contentment. Vain youths will marry, before they have any power to practise, any understanding to know their duties. But he that leaps over a broad ditch with a short staff, will fall into the midst: and he that enters into marriage without great grace, shall fall into disquietude and vexation. Let unmarried people think of this, and be wise before pain teaches them wisdom.
2. Secondly, I advise all married persons to be well acquainted with these duties, and to mark their own failings therein. Let the wife know her’s, the husband his, and both, the common duties. I desire they would each observe their own, and not each the other’s failings. Indeed it may be feared, many will be the worse for what has been said, because they heard amiss. The husband may perhaps ring his wife a peal concerning her duty, and tell her, how her faults were ript up; and yet never consider his own. The wife may tell him of his faults, when she has little or nothing to say of herself. Thus both will be worse, while they seek to upbraid each other, and not each to amend one. Unwise man! Unwise woman! Why hast thou not the greatest care, to save thy own soul? Couldst thou mark what was good for another’s disease, and not what was good for thy own? Brethren, sisters, let this be altered in us. If thou be an husband, have more care to know that, for which thy own soul must answer, than what lies to the account of another. So thou that art a wife; and woe to that man or woman, who sees not more failings in him or herself than in the yoke-fellow. If thy heart were right, thy own sins would be more grievous, and thy yoke-fellows less. Learn, therefore, to pass by their failings more easily, and be more censorious toward thy own. Learn to judge thyself. *He never yet learned to work well at any work, that would cast his eyes more upon his neighbour’s fingers, than upon his own. But oh! how common is this? Every man would be a good husband, if his wife, were not so bad! And she would be a good wife, if her husband were tolerable. All the accusations, all the judgings are darted at each other: but what folly is this? Idle man or woman, it is not the requiring duty from another, but the performing what belongs to thyself, that will make thee a Christian; that will comfort thee in temptation, rejoice thee in death, and stand for thee in judgment.
3. In a word. Know thy own duty, mark thy own failings, and thou wilt not quarrel with thy yoke-fellow. There is no better means of peace, than for every one to learn his own work, and labour to mend his own faults. Have you then both been to blame? Repent both, and strain not courtesy which shall begin. Hast thou been a foolish, passionate, or an unkind husband? Not regarding thy wife’s good? Cry not, “She has been thus and thus;” but repent of thy own sin. Seriously confess it to God. Beseech him to make thee a better husband, that she may be a better wife. Hast thou been a brawling, disobedient, or discontented wife? Ask thy heart before God, and dissemble not. If so, clamour not against thy husband, exclaim not against his passion or unkindness; but condemn thyself, and call upon God, to make thee reverence and obey thy husband, as a commander under him. Intreat him to make thee a better wife, that he may be a better husband. Let each mend one, I mean himself, and contention will cease. Pray each for yourself first, then for the other: labour to see wherein you yourself have offended: and be not skilful to cast the fault upon another, but to cast it out of yourself. So shall your loves be sure, your lives comfortable, your deaths happy, and your memories blessed for ever.
4. Before I conclude, it may not be improper to sum up the duty of married persons, as parents, and as masters. Their duty as parents respects either the temporal or the spiritual good of their children. With regard to the former, you owe them protection and provision of necessaries, according to that rank and degree, wherein the wisdom of God has placed you. You are carefully to protect your children, from all the evils and dangers, to which infancy, childhood and youth are exposed. You are also to nourish and sustain them; not only to provide for them for the present, but to take care for their future subsistence. If you have not a patrimony to leave them, it behoves you to leave them an art or calling, whereby thro’ diligence, with the blessing of God, they may procure food convenient for them. *In the choice of this calling, you should chiefly have an eye to their general Christian calling, and consider not so much what will conduce most to their temporal profit or honour, as what will most effectually advance their spiritual and eternal interest. This is a weighty point: it were well if all parents would deeply lay it to heart. It should next be considered, whether the calling proposed be suitable to their genius and inclination: which are to be consulted on this head, only not as much as their eternal welfare.
5. With regard to their spiritual good, your first labour of love is, to present them to God in baptism. You are then to inure them to good, to instruct and admonish them, to educate them in the knowledge and fear of God, to season their minds as early as possible with the fundamental truths of religion, and in such a manner as is best suited to their capacity, to train them up in all holiness. Every instruction should be seconded by example. Let them continually see, as well as hear, how they ought to walk acceptably, and to please God. Be peculiarly careful to set before your children the copies and patterns of the virtues which you teach. And let them neither see nor hear any thing from you, which you would not desire to have copied by them. Even an Heathen, and none of the most virtuous, could say,
Maxima debetur pueris reverentia.