7. As to the whole, my spirit was in a calm and composed frame: but contrary to my positive resolution, and under fears of a refusal, I was carried out to be more peremptory than usual as to the success. Yea, when I was in the most submissive frame, I was more peremptory as to the event, than when my heart was most eagerly set upon it.
8. January 7, 1701, was a day set apart by us both, to be kept with fasting and prayer, for obtaining a blessing on our marriage. I began it with prayer, wherein I endeavoured to trace back sin to my very infancy. Lord, I have been in all sin: not one of thy commands but I have broken in almost all instances; save in the outward acts, and from them, O Lord, only thy free grace restrained me.
*I now again solemnly devoted myself to him, in this new relation I was to enter upon; beseeching that he would not contend with either of us, for the sins of our single life; that he would make us holy, and bless us in this new state, fitting us every way for one another. In my second address to God by prayer, he gave me much sweetness and enlargement (blessed be his goodness) in reference to that particular, for which I set apart this day. When he prepareth our hearts to pray, his ear hearkeneth thereto.
This day I again searched into my state, and found these evidences of the Lord’s work in my soul: 1. He hath given me by his Spirit some discovery of the innumerable sins of every period of my life, and especially of the root of all, the inexpressible corruption of my nature: 2. He has discovered to me the vanity of all those reliefs nature leads to, with regard to the guilt of sin; he hath made me see, that my own works cannot save me, and, I hope, taken me off from resting upon them; for under trouble, occasioned by sin, nothing but Christ could quiet me: the view of my own works only increased it. And God, when he assisted me most therein, so guarded me against this, that he then always opened my eyes to see a world of sin in them; insomuch that I have as earnestly desired to be saved from my best duties, as ever I did from my worst sins: and whenever my heart inclined to lay some stress on duties spiritually perform’d, God stirred up in my soul a holy jealousy over my heart in this particular. 3. As to the power of sin, he hath brought me to an utter despair of relief from my own prayers, vows, or resolutions. 4. He hath been pleased to determine me to chuse the gospel-way of salvation, by resting on Christ for righteousness, sanctification, and redemption; as a way full of admirable mercy and wisdom; a way of great peace and security to sinners, and best suited to give glory to God. Upon these grounds, I conclude, that the Lord hath wrought faith in me, and will compleat my salvation. And because he hath determined me to chuse him, therefore I dare call him my God, my Saviour, my Sanctifier.
On January 23, 1701, he was accordingly married at Edinburgh, to Janet Watson, daughter of Mr. David Watson, of St. Andrews. By her he had nine children, three sons and six daughters, of whom one son and five daughters survived him.
8. In March, 1705, his then youngest child fell into a languishing illness: concerning whom he writes thus: “April 11. My child died: blessed be God, I have had a child to give at his call; and blessed be the Lord, that he helped me to give her willingly.”
In March 1712, his son George fell ill: I had often says he, given all my children up to God, and now it pleased him to try me in the tenderest point, whether I would stand to my resignation. I could not find freedom in a asking for his life, but much, in crying for mercy for him. Yet I cannot say, but the burthen was great upon me, till communing with a friend about the state of the church and religion, concern for God’s interest got the ascendant over that for my own, and from that time I found comfort: *and the nearer he was to his end, the more loosed I was from him, and the more chearful was my resignation: so that before his death, prayers were almost made up of praises, and he was set off with thanksgiving.
CHAPTER III.
Of his removal to St. Andrews.