When one came to visit him, and told him, that he hoped it might please God to raise him again. And do you think to please me (said he) by such discourse as this? No, friend, you are much mistaken if you think that the thoughts of life and health are pleasing to me. The world hath quite lost its excellency in my judgment. How poor a thing is it in all its glory compared with that world which I now live in the sight of! And as for life, Christ is my life, health, and strength; and I know, I shall have another kind of life, when I leave this. I tell you it would incomparably more please me, if you should say to me, “before to-morrow you will be in eternity.” I so long to be with Christ, that I could be contented to be cut in pieces, so I might but die and be with him. Oh how sweet is Jesus! Come Lord Jesus, come quickly. Death do thy worst! Death hath lost it terribleness. Death, it is nothing, I say, death is nothing (through grace) to me. I can as easily die as shut my eyes, to turn my head and sleep: I long to be with Christ; I long to die!
His mother and brethren standing by him he said; “Dear mother, I beseech you, that you would chearfully give me up to Christ; do not hinder me, now I am going to rest in glory. I am afraid of your prayers, lest they pull one way, and mine another.”
And then turning to his brethren, he said, “I charge you do not pray for my life; you do me wrong if you do. Oh that glory, the unspeakable glory that I behold! My heart is full, my heart is full. Christ smiles, and I cannot chuse but smile: can you find in your heart to stop me, who am now going to the compleat and eternal enjoyment of Christ? Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of my blessed Saviour are open to embrace me; the angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom. Oh, did you but see what I see, you would all cry out with me, how long, dear Lord; come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! oh, why are his chariot-wheels so long a coming!”
A minister came often to him, and discoursed with him of the excellency of Christ, and the glory of the invisible world. Sir, said he, I feel something of it; my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower state; I can hold no more here. Oh that I could let you know what I feel!
This holy minister praying with him, his soul was ravished with the abundant incomes of light, life, and love; so that he could scarce bear the thought of staying longer in the world, but longed to be in such a condition, wherein he should be better able to bear that weight of glory; some manifestations whereof did almost sink his weak body. Indeed had he not been sustained by a great power, his very joys would have overwhelmed him. While he was in these extasies of joy and love, he was wont to cry out:
‘Who am I, Lord, who am I, that thou shouldst be mindful of me! Why me, Lord, why me! Oh, what shall I say unto thee, thou preserver of men! Oh why me, Lord, why me! If thou wilt look upon such a poor worm, who can hinder! Who would not love thee! Oh blessed Father? How sweet and gracious hast thou been unto me!’
*‘Stand astonished, ye heavens, and wonder, O ye angels, at his infinite grace! Was ever any under heaven more beholding to free grace than I? Doth God use to do thus with his creatures? Admire him for ever and ever, Oh ye redeemed ones! Oh those joys, the taste of which I have! The everlasting joys, which are at his right hand for evermore! Eternity, eternity itself is too short to praise this God in. O bless the Lord with me, come let us shout for joy, and boast in the God of our salvation. Oh, help me to praise the Lord, for his mercy endureth for ever.’
One of his brethren (that had formerly been wrought upon by his holy exhortations) praying with him, and seeing him (as he apprehended) near his dissolution, desired that the Lord would be pleased to continue those astonishing comforts to the last moment, that he might go from one heaven to another; and when his work was done here, might have an easy and triumphant passage to rest.
Mean time he talked as if he had been in the third heaven, and broke out:
‘Oh, he is come! He is come! O how sweet! How glorious is the blessed Jesus! What shall I do to speak the thousandth part of his praises! Oh for words, to set out a little of that excellency! But it is inexpressible! Oh how excellent, glorious and lovely is the precious Jesus! He is sweet, he is altogether lovely! And now I am sick of love, he hath ravished my soul with his beauty! I shall die sick of love!