*Then to his wife, he said, “O my sweet bird, are you there? I am no more yours. I am the Lord’s. I remember on the day I took you by the hand, I thought on parting with you. But I knew not how to get my heart off of you again: yet now I have got it done. Will you not give me to the Lord, my dear?” Then seeing her very sad, he said, “My dear, do not weep: you should rather rejoice: rejoice with me, and let us exalt his name together. I shall be in the same family with you: but you must stay a little behind and take care of God’s children.”
*When wakened out of sleep, he said, “I am now hand in hand, grappling with my last enemy: and I find, he is a conquerable enemy; Yea, I am more than conqueror.” One said, “A strange champion indeed!” He answered, “I? Not I, but the grace of God that is in me. By the grace of God I am what I am; and the God of peace hath bruised Satan under my feet. I have often wondered how the martyrs could clap their hands in the fire: I do not wonder at it now. I could clap my hands, though you held burning candles to them, and think it no hardship, though the flames were going about them. And yet, were the Lord withdrawn, I should cry and not be able to bear it, if you but touched my foot.”
Sunday, September 21. About three in the morning he said, “And is it the sabbath then? This is the best sabbath I ever had. On a sabbath night my George went to his rest: I bestowed him on God: blessed be his name; and he made me content. I would have given him all my children that way; and I hope it shall be so: blessed be his name!”
*After a little pause he said, “Shall I forget Sion? Then let my right-hand forget her cunning. O, to have God returning to his church, and his work going on in the world! If every drop of my blood, every atom of my body, every hair of my head, were men, they should all go to the fire, to have this going on.”
*After that he said, “I could not believe that I could have borne, and borne chearfully this rod so long. This is a miracle, pain without pain. Blessed be God that ever I was born. I have a father, a mother, and ten brethren and sisters in heaven, and I shall be the eleventh. O blessed be the day that ever I was born! O if I were where he is! And yet for all this, God’s withdrawing from me, would make me as weak as water. All which I enjoy, though it be miracle upon miracle, would not make me stand without new supplies from God. The thing I rejoice in is, that God is altogether full, and that in Jesus Christ there is all the fulness of the Godhead.”
Then to his wife he said, “O wait upon him; for he is a good God to all that serve him. He never takes any thing from them, but he gives them as good or better back again. My dear, we have had many a sweet day together: we must part for a while; but we shall meet again, and shall have one work, the praises of God, and the praises of the Lamb!”
*Then to some present he said, “Do you think that he will come and receive the prisoner of hope to day? Whether he do it or no, he is holy and righteous; yet, I confess, I long for it. I do not tire. But the hireling longs for his wages. If in his adorable wisdom he try me further, holy and reverend is his name; he is not wanting to me. I desire only grace to be faithful unto death, until I come to the land of praises, to thy gates, O Jerusalem, to give thanks to the name of the God of Jacob.”
Then a minister asking, if he should pray? He answered, “Yea, yea, pray for me.” And after prayer he said, “This night my skin has burned, my heart has panted, my body has been bruised, and there is a sore upon me, that is racking my spirit: and yet I cannot say, but the Lord still holds me in health in the midst of all. If he should please to continue me years in this case, I have no reason to complain.” One said, “No hypocrite is able, in such a condition, to counterfeit such language.” He answered, “’Tis as great a wonder to me, as to any about me. Brother, I know not whether I may desire you to beg of the Lord, with respect to this poor body to shorten my trial, if it be his will: the hireling longs for his wages; but I have reason to do it with submission.
“I long for a deliverance from the body. But if God lengthen my trouble, then why not! Righteous is his name. I know not what alteration may be. I confess, I am like a bird on the wing: and I would fain be at Immanuel’s land, where the tree of life is.
*“Well, all this is encouragement to you, to acquaint yourselves with God. All these soft cloaths are like sackcloth to me; and yet I have perfect ease of spirit. My breast and my stomach are drawn all together, as it were with cords; and yet the mercy of God keeps me composed. What is this? I could scarce have believed, even tho’ I had been told, that I could have kept in the right exercise of my judgment, under this racking pain. Whatever come of it, this is a demonstration that there is a reality in religion; and I rejoice in this, that God hath honoured a sinful worm, so as to be a demonstration of his grace. My dear friends, while I live, I must preach the gospel. He has given me awhile yet here, which ought to be reckoned precious, and so long as it lasts, my work is still to commend him. The word speaks, providence speaks in me; despise not the gospel under this new discovery. I am a sinner; shame belongs to me: worthy is the Lamb to receive glory.”